Freedom of Women & Loss of Womanhood

The following paragraph is from an email sent to me by a dear friend, Priyamvada K, who happens to be a single-mom with an office day-job. I am posting it here with her permission.

Today we claim women are educated, go out do this do that blah blah and how great that is. But the sad part is we don't get to exercise our nurturing side, not to the extent we want to. In the quest for freedom, more education, earning power, money etc - are we losing out on family? Is society or women as a group thinking a woman can do it all, and pushing her to be everything to everyone - that she may not be able to be? I mean, energy is finite. Where is the energy to sit down make someone's favorite dishes, spend hours playing with one's child teaching her stuff, telling stories, taking time to relax, having a place where child comes straight from school and relaxes, the time to swap the day's stories and share.....really share as a family? Instead one is out till 6:30 pm and then in the remaining 2 hours the kid is rushed from one task to another and then off to bed. And the cycle repe! ats. Is this freedom for women? I'm not so sure about that....perhaps its financial insurance for her in this uncertain world where marriage/family structures are changing and men may not be dependable - or don't want to be depended on. But freedom? I think it probably gives less freedom for a woman to be a woman - and exercise her nurturing, feminine self. It seems to me that family life has become like an assembly line - go from task A to task B to task C and finally rest. Somedays my heart weeps at this, but I have no solution at this time.

My heart goes out to Priya and to others like her. At least Priya realizes that she does not have the time and freedom "to be a woman" and she most probably does her best to make up for it. I wonder how many women there are, who don't even realize this, who are quietly losing their womanhood without even being aware of it themselves.

We are in a time and place of increasing androgyny in roles and responsibilities. These days, women also undertake activities which were conventionally considered to be masculine, and similarly, things that were normally done by women are also being done by men. I believe that this is basically good. I think that an amalgamation of the masculine and feminine talents, the union of yin and yang energies leads to an increased awareness and wisdom, accomplishes more and is the higher stage of evolution.

I am not against the education, independence, equality and empowerment of women. I am all for them and have consciously made choices to encourage them in the women in my life. But what is the price we are paying for this to happen? In their drive to be financially independent and "equal" to men, women are certainly losing certain aspects of being a woman. Some losses are welcome - such as the loss of weaknesses which enabled men to oppress women, treat them badly, curtail their freedom, etc. Along with these, we are also losing some things which are invaluable and cannot be replaced, things which have implications at all levels - family, society, the world. It is a case of throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Despite having an active, aware yin-side to my psyche, I am not a woman. I don't know enough about women. So, I would never be able to make a comprehensive list of all the aspects of womanhood that are lost or will be lost in the future. But as a grateful receiver of many blessings from women, I can think of a few things -

• 100% nurturing time and care for the children and family cannot be provided.
• "Quality time" for the family as a whole is greatly reduced.
• Parents may not be aware of everything happening in their children's lives, and of all their needs and requirements.
• Women do not have enough time to take care of themselves and their personal needs, to form sisterly bonds with other women, to gather in women's circles to share, support, gossip and help one another.
• Old recipes are lost. The talent to come up with new ones is eroded. Families are not as nutritiously and healthily fed as they used to be.
• Family lore, traditions and practices are lost. On a wider scale, the traditional cultures of whole societies and nations are getting eroded.
• Home-grown knowledge, wisdom and medicines are vanishing.

That is just a short list that came off the top of my head. I am sure women themselves can add more items to that list, items which are more relevant and valuable to themselves, to their families and societies. As I mentioned before, these are invaluable things which are extremely difficult or almost impossible to replace once they are lost. If you think of more things which can be added to this list, please post them in this blog's comments.

I have to pause here to clarify that all women who work outside the home are not losing all of the above. There are certainly awesome women who do a great job on multiple fronts - career, family, personal, feminine. But looking at society/world as a whole, the erosion and loss of womanhood and feminity is undeniable. The fact that many women do not even perceive the loss, caught up in sweeping societal and global trends is lamentable.

My heart is as sad as Priyamvada's heart, when I think that my sons will not know women in a way that I've known them and my daughters will not be women, in a way that I've known women to be. I mean that in a very good way, especially as excellent care-takers of children and family. However they are, I can only hope that my children will be safe and happy, loving and well loved.

PS: The increasing androgyny in roles and responsibilities is also causing erosion in masculinity, but that is a different discussion.