If two people claim to love each other much, but they can't make the relationship work, does that mean they are not evolved enough or their love is not evolved enough?
LL, I don't know the answer to this. Can only guess. So these are the guesses:
(1) Sometimes "love" and "a life together" may not go together. There is great passion but the two people are fundamentally too different to be able to co-exist peacefully and be happy in the long term. Think of Radha who chooses to let Krishna go when he become king of Mathura - saying she would rather think of him as her beloved cowherd.
(2)In general the older a person is, the more set they are in who/what they are. Room for accommodation is generally less.
(3)Sometimes there are external factors like being able to love someone but not being strong enough to deal with their difficult child/parents on a daily basis. And that external circumstance not changing in the near future.
sometimes, you try building a relationship on or rather despite a lot of incompatibility or maybe even serious differences. i think karmically, it's some sort of residue from a previous birth or something, but it doesn't work or maybe like in a few people's cases (that i know of) it results in a split. so it's all variable. good luck with yours. but if you really want an answer, i guess it's more circumstance and a combination of factors than "evolution."
First, I think the word "claim" on your statement is important because the borderline for love and infatuation is very thin. Love is something that can develop through time or depth of experience with another person, in contrast to infatuation. Oftentimes, people claim that they're in love, but it's merely the thrill of breaking from routine (of being alone? being with the same person? one night stands?) that they're experiencing.
For the sake of discussion, let's say that these two people ARE in love. I think there are two reasons in many failed relationships.
Two people can deeply love each other, but they themselves are not mature. It is so easy to be trapped in a mesh of feeling happy, passionate, lustful, caring for someone, etc., that people lose site of the reality until it's too late. The reality is that not all are beds of roses; the two people must be dependable, mentally & emotionally stable, rational, and persevering through bad times. These characteristics, I believe, are those of a mature person. One can love a person with his/her whole heart, but one's reactions through the bad times (where bitter arguments are just one yell away) are what can make or break the relationship. It doesn't matter if the bad moments are due to parental pressures, work problems, and so on. My previously described qualities of a mature person are key.
Another reason to break the relationship is practicality. Perhaps these two people live too far from each other that it's just not feasible for them to be loyal or stay in love. I think there are ways to STAY in love and loyal, but I know many people give up too easily. Their careers might also be the reason. Perhaps their views of life are not in sync; that is, one is more driven to keep climbing up the ladder, while the other gets contented easily. Whatever the reason may be, the two people just don't complement each other, and they don't see the practicality in staying together even if they may deeply love each other.
With that said, I also think that love can really stretch one's patience. There's almost no way to truly learn what you'd do for someone you love until you're living that moment. You'd find yourself putting up with things that you would have never thought you would. The love in a relationship or the nature of the relationship depends on the characters and mentality of the two people. It won't be evolved if the players themselves are not evolved, and the relationship only has the same "brain" of those who runs it.
Hmmm this one of is the thoughts that puzzles me every time.. How strong can love be? Would I give up on my dream to make a relationship work? would he? Do we then comprimise on the relationship or the dream ???
It means that love is not the same as compatibility nor commitment, both of which help to make a relationship work. What is love? Its simply attachment.
I think commitment involves taking a leap of faith and risking all you have for love. Some of us can do it and some of us can't. Risk-taking isnt a true measure of the depth of love, but unfortunately it is also part of the emotional package that love is! S
After making many mistakes and getting hurt a lot, one is not left with much courage to take risks. Apart from deception, anger and insecurity, fear is a great enemy of love!
On a lighter note, love is risky business....!! I know it is easy enough to say cheer up, but you never know what destiny has in store....someday you might look back at all this without angst!
This may appear silly, but I'm dead serious. Pick up "Keeping the Love You Find" by Harville Hendrix. It's the BEST book I have ever read about love, life and relationships.
Posts
LL,
ReplyDeleteI don't know the answer to this. Can only guess. So these are the guesses:
(1) Sometimes "love" and "a life together" may not go together. There is great passion but the two people are fundamentally too different to be able to co-exist peacefully and be happy in the long term. Think of Radha who chooses to let Krishna go when he become king of Mathura - saying she would rather think of him as her beloved cowherd.
(2)In general the older a person is, the more set they are in who/what they are. Room for accommodation is generally less.
(3)Sometimes there are external factors like being able to love someone but not being strong enough to deal with their difficult child/parents on a daily basis. And that external circumstance not changing in the near future.
Priya.
sometimes, you try building a relationship on or rather despite a lot of incompatibility or maybe even serious differences. i think karmically, it's some sort of residue from a previous birth or something, but it doesn't work or maybe like in a few people's cases (that i know of) it results in a split. so it's all variable. good luck with yours. but if you really want an answer, i guess it's more circumstance and a combination of factors than "evolution."
ReplyDelete- kadavulinadiyaal
It means that they love themselves more than they love the other.
ReplyDeletewhich what,
ReplyDeletespot on.
Yes, external factors have a way of getting in the way and clouding judgement and feelings.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think the word "claim" on your statement is important because the borderline for love and infatuation is very thin. Love is something that can develop through time or depth of experience with another person, in contrast to infatuation. Oftentimes, people claim that they're in love, but it's merely the thrill of breaking from routine (of being alone? being with the same person? one night stands?) that they're experiencing.
ReplyDeleteFor the sake of discussion, let's say that these two people ARE in love. I think there are two reasons in many failed relationships.
Two people can deeply love each other, but they themselves are not mature. It is so easy to be trapped in a mesh of feeling happy, passionate, lustful, caring for someone, etc., that people lose site of the reality until it's too late. The reality is that not all are beds of roses; the two people must be dependable, mentally & emotionally stable, rational, and persevering through bad times. These characteristics, I believe, are those of a mature person. One can love a person with his/her whole heart, but one's reactions through the bad times (where bitter arguments are just one yell away) are what can make or break the relationship. It doesn't matter if the bad moments are due to parental pressures, work problems, and so on. My previously described qualities of a mature person are key.
Another reason to break the relationship is practicality. Perhaps these two people live too far from each other that it's just not feasible for them to be loyal or stay in love. I think there are ways to STAY in love and loyal, but I know many people give up too easily. Their careers might also be the reason. Perhaps their views of life are not in sync; that is, one is more driven to keep climbing up the ladder, while the other gets contented easily. Whatever the reason may be, the two people just don't complement each other, and they don't see the practicality in staying together even if they may deeply love each other.
With that said, I also think that love can really stretch one's patience. There's almost no way to truly learn what you'd do for someone you love until you're living that moment. You'd find yourself putting up with things that you would have never thought you would. The love in a relationship or the nature of the relationship depends on the characters and mentality of the two people. It won't be evolved if the players themselves are not evolved, and the relationship only has the same "brain" of those who runs it.
Hmmm this one of is the thoughts that puzzles me every time.. How strong can love be? Would I give up on my dream to make a relationship work? would he? Do we then comprimise on the relationship or the dream ???
ReplyDeleteIt means that love is not the same as compatibility nor commitment, both of which help to make a relationship work. What is love? Its simply attachment.
ReplyDeleteI think commitment involves taking a leap of faith and risking all you have for love. Some of us can do it and some of us can't. Risk-taking isnt a true measure of the depth of love, but unfortunately it is also part of the emotional package that love is!
ReplyDeleteS
S,
ReplyDeleteAfter making many mistakes and getting hurt a lot, one is not left with much courage to take risks. Apart from deception, anger and insecurity, fear is a great enemy of love!
LL
On a lighter note, love is risky business....!!
ReplyDeleteI know it is easy enough to say cheer up, but you never know what destiny has in store....someday you might look back at all this without angst!
S
This may appear silly, but I'm dead serious. Pick up "Keeping the Love You Find" by Harville Hendrix. It's the BEST book I have ever read about love, life and relationships.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the book suggestion, Alicia. I will look out for it.
ReplyDeleteIs it possible that the idea of what love is and what a relationship is, is different for the two people?
ReplyDeletepoignant comment there, dharam. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't work when one of them does not make it work. One is usually always willing, while the other is afraid to take that step.
ReplyDelete