Moving out of Sulekha Weblogs!

I have decided not to host my blogs on Sulekha.com Weblogs any more. I have also decided to move all my blogs to this site on Google's Blogger.com. The primary trigger for this is the fact that Sulekha edited my last blog: If Dad is taking a shower with Mom,DO NOT tell your BPO rep!

I had posted a picture at the beginning of the blog so that it would display as an embedded image. The link to that picture is also available at the top of my blog. The original blog looked like this: original look of the blog. Sulekha edited my blog and removed that embedded picture. Without asking my persmission. Without requesting me to remove the picture myself. Without even informing me. Is it too much to expect some basic courtesy from Sulekha towards its user community?

This is uncivilized, unevolved and unprofessional behavior. This is a serious breach of good faith. This is also a violation of my rights to my writing. The fact that I post a blog on Sulekha does not mean they have all rights to my posting and they can edit it.

The only good thing about Sulekha blogs is the user community which gives us a feeling of belonging. The nice close-knit kind which exists (existed?) in village communities. Otherwise, technically, Sulekha weblog section is PRIMITIVE and SUCKS. There is no incentive for staying on here when there are better options and tools available.

Google's Blogger.com is an excellent site I have started to use. It has great tools which are easy to learn to use. You quickly get a hang of them. The editor allows one to easily change font, size, style, color, to create hyperlinks, to align test the way we want them, etc. And it has the awesome option of being able to post pictures. Imagine sharing your pictures with fellow-bloggers, an option Sulekha does not have and does not seem to encourage! There are different blog templates which you can use and customize to suit your style. You can copy your previous blogs from Sulekha, post them here and even set the date-time, so that you continue to keep the original date-time from your blog on Sulekha.

To see what other bloggers are doing on Blogger, go to the top of this blog page where you see the NEXT BLOG link. Use this link to view another random blog. This link appears on every Blogger.com blog and you can keep clicking on it to visit random blogs and see how other people are using Blogger.

As I already mentioned, the best thing about Sulekha weblogs is the user community. We are a happy, close-knit online village. The features and facilities on Sulekha weblogs are also primitive in comparison. Blogger.com is a big international city with the comforts and facilities which come with it. We can continue to maintain our online community ties, and yet enjoy the advantages of Blogger's facilities. There are two ways of doing this:

1. Post your blog on Blogger.com and post a link to that blog on Sulekha weblogs. The Sulekha community can click on your link and see your blog. They can post comments right there on Blogger.com. This way, we continue to maintain our network of friends and readers through Sulekha! This is exactly what I have done with this blog.
2. Get your Blogger.com blog listed/registered (a one-time thing) on other blogger communities like BlogStreet India and Blogwise.com. These communities have thousands of other Indian bloggers from all over the world. Blogwise.com is an international site. Click here for Indian Bloggers on Blogwise.com.

I will no longer host my blogs on Sulekha. I will just post links to my blogs there. It would be great if other Sulekha bloggers joined me. It no longer feels comfortable having my blogs hosted on a site which does not think twice or have the courtesy of getting in touch with me before editing them, a site which has primitive features, and which becomes inexplicably and unapologetically unavailable about once a month or more!

PS: If you have questions or suggestions please post them in the comments section of this blog.

If Dad is taking a shower with mom, DO NOT tell your BPO rep!

BPO Honest Case Log (Click for bigger pic!)

Disclaimer: I cannot vouch for the authenticity of the above screenshot. It could well be a hoax. May be a BPO Urban Legend. But read on...

The above screenshot came to me in an email forwarded to a bunch of people in different parts of the world. Apparently, it is a funny "Example of honest case logging" at the call center of a prominent multinational company, selling computers worldwide, whose name allegedly begins with 'D'. I do not know where the call center is located. It could be anywhere in the world. It is not possible to guess from the name of the BPO representative who created this case log, which part of the world he belongs to.

The humor in the case is apparent and I suppose we could laugh about it. But what concerns me is that, the above screenshot came to me without the personal information of the call center employee and the customer being blacked out. I blacked them out before posting here! And the original screenshot without black-outs is probably being forwarded by people via email to their friends across the world, as I type this. Pretty soon email users around the world would have seen it.

In the original screen shot I received, you could see the customer's first name and last name, his email address and telephone number. You could also see the call center employee's first name and last name. I think it is the employee's true name because it did not sound like a Westernized name which call center people use for their Western customers. I could be wrong, of course.

Just to check further, I called the customer's phone number and asked for him by name. A female voice answered. She told me that he is not home right now and I should call later. So, the customer's information is probably true too!

If you were that customer, the world knows what you were doing with your wife at a particular time, on a particular date. The world also knows your email address and phone number. They can call you or write to you to discuss it with you! Think about it. Scary, huh?

9-year-old stumbles on love!

Love is a thing you keep discovering again and again in different ways... provided you are open to it. One such profound discovery happened when I was 9-10 years old, although I did not know at that time that it was profound.

There used to be a woman in our neighborhood who worked as a maidservant in several houses. Her face was what could be termed simply as "disfigured". I don't know if it was congenital or caused by an accident. It was severely contorted on the left side. The flesh near the left cheekbone was disproportionately swollen, her mouth was stretched back to the left and up somewhat permanently, she had one or two long front teeth, and several other teeth in the front were missing, she could usually be seen with dishevelled hair, wearing old rag-like clothes. She looked like a classic scary witch!

This lady had two beautiful daughters who were teenaged in those days and helped in her work. They were either twins or very close to each other in age. The girls were true South Indian nubile beauties. Dark skinned and long haired, pretty faced and slim built. Even as a 9-year-old boy, their beauty was not lost on me.

The contrast between the mother and her daughters made me wonder, how such an ugly woman could have such pretty daughters. And then I wondered about her husband. How did he feel about her? How did he marry her in the first place? Then it dawned on my little 9 year old heart and mind: he married her probably because he found her acceptable and loveable despite her looks. The thought progressed some more and I concluded that is probably true of every person in the world: no matter how ugly or undesirable they looked to the rest of the world, there must be at least one person who would like them and love them. And then my thoughts drifted to other things.

Years later, as an adult, I remembered those thoughts and conclusions I had about the maidservant in our neighborhood and I was amazed. I figured out how old I must have been at that time based on the circumstances and I was amazed again. I realized that it was truly a profound discovery, and that too for a young boy to stumble on it was a wonderful thing.

Most of us go through life as if we are not deserving enough of love. We are afraid to love or express it because we think we don't deserve it. We hold back love from others because we think they don't deserve it. All of us end up being miserly about love and acting as if there is a great scarcity of it in the world. While the fact all along is that, there is an abundance of love everywhere. Yet, daily we come across people who are malnourished with lack of love.

Scarcity of love in the world, is like the scarcity of food. The problem is not one of production, it is one of distribution. The first step to resolve the problem is to realize what I discovered when I was a 9-year-old boy: everyone is loveable. And then, to live by that realization, to love a little more and spread a little more love everywhere.

I hope the lady and her daughters, who inspired this discovery are content, happy and well-loved, whereever they are now.

Five Years - a simple, real love story!

Just stumbled across this short real love story: Five Years

It's so simply told with no pretences. Sounds so sweet. And I am beginning to sound like a girrrllll!

Transformed From An Ugly Duckling to The Charming Beast

This piece of writing has been long overdue. I have had conversations about this with a few close friends. I am finally inspired to put this down in writing after reading this blog: Chronicles of an Ugly Duckling by mountain_dreamer.

As a child, I have been told frankly by my mother and grandmothers, and at times by assorted aunts, that I was dark, ugly, thin and weak. Apparently, I had been much better looking when I was a chubby, yerra (meaning "red" in Telugu, they meant fair-skinned) baby. For years as a growing child, I was criticized for not looking as nice as I did when I was a baby. They did not hesitate to talk about my bad looks in any place, at any time, in front of anyone. But I heard their rants most often when I made a fuss about eating. As a child, I was very particular about what I ate and how it was cooked. They believed that talking about how bad and weak I looked would encourage me to eat better. They also believed that frankly appreciating someone's good looks would put an evil eye on that person. There is something terrible about the culture of Indian elders which makes them talk more loudly of their kids' shortcomings than of the good things about them.

As an innocent child who is most influenced by the older women in the family, I believed that I was ugly. I often stood in front of the mirror to figure out just why I was ugly. I could never figure out. I had normal eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, face. Where was I ugly? I just could not find out. Nevertheless, I believed I was ugly. Now, in retrospect, I just can't understand how adults could do that to an impressionable child. In the US especially, I see how delicately and sensitively the kids are treated and that makes me wonder just what the hell the elders in my household were thinking.

I don't mean that they did not love me or not treat me well. In fact, they took very good care of me and I was a favored child. It was only when talking about how good or bad the kids looked, more so in the context of eating well, they seemed to think I was not upto the mark. And their opinions stuck in my head.

Things became worse in my teens. I had a bad case of acne. In mid- to late teens, the first "premature" grey hair started to appear. So now, not only did I hear rants about being dark, thin and ugly, I also had to hear about my acne and grey hair. I was acutely aware of looking different from most other boys my age. Different in an unattractive way.

I knew that I did not have the kind of good looks girls would moon over. Unfortunately, I was very interested in girls. Romantically interested too. But none of them liked me. I never got a single girl to like me in those days. I saw so many girls get together with the good-looking guys. I saw the girls being obviously interested in such guys. I have seen girls I had a crush on, in turn have a crush on other guys who seemed to be better than me in looks only.

Not one of the girls who rejected my interests told me why they found me unacceptable. Almost every single one of them just said, "I don't feel that way about you." I was left to wonder and speculate why they did not feel "that way" about me. I could not see anything wrong with any other aspect of myself. I was alright academically and on the career front, had a good home and family. I thought the only thing that was obviously "not good" about me was the way I looked. I was convinced that all the girls I was interested in did not like me because of my looks. Perhaps, I was wrong. But the point is that things became progressively worse for me as I grew from a child to a boy to an adolescent to a young man.

In my early 20's, I thought of myself as The Beast and the girl I was interested in as The Beauty. The Beast archetype became predominant in my consciousness. I was a sad young man who thought the first impression girls would have of me was to be repulsed. Then later, when they got to know me better as a person, may be they might become friendly. But it would all stop there, at friendliness. Needless to say my self-esteem was very very low.

During all those years of adolescence and early 20's when I was down with a bad self-image and low confidence, all it would have taken for me to feel so much better was for just one girl I loved, to love me back and tell me that she found me attractive. Just one girl. I can't believe how much power just one girl would have had. That is the kind of power a lover has.

So, I came to the US as a sad young man, low on self-esteem from years of conditioning, low on self-confidence and emotionally scarred because of all the unsuccessful trysts with romance. The Ugly Duckling. The Beast.

Things changed in the US as if by magic. Within months of landing here, I went out a couple of times with the prettiest white girl on the floor, who said I looked "trim and smart". I pursued other women. The reactions of American women to my interests were refreshingly different. There was no ambiguity in their responses. If they did not like me, they told me frankly. If they liked me, they expressed it even more frankly. In words and in actions. There never was any reason for me to wonder if they liked me or not. They made it very clear at all times. Nor was there any reason for me to wonder why they did not like me. They usually made that clear too. What is more, when it was obvious that they did not like my looks, I could even tell myself, that was only because they were not used to the South Indian looks, and/or they were not adventurous enough to like foreigners. I am really appreciative of the American unambiguous communications.

But more than that, I am deeply grateful to the American women who accepted me. Not all, but some of them did. The ones who did, showed their attraction and appreciation without inhibitions. They made me feel like a worthy man. I still remember the first time one of them told me that I looked "so handsome". I frankly did not believe her. It took some sincere repetitions by her and by others, backed by self-evident actions, to convince me that they really found me attractive and they were not just being kind. It did wonders for my confidence and self-esteem. Since then, I have been complimented for my presentable personality, my smile, my eyes, my butt and other more personal aspects. I have had a girlfriend caress my butt in public and even had gay men hit on me.

If you knew me well, you would realize that I am the devil-may-care kind of person who is not too concerned about what others say. I do not seek external validation for my thoughts and feelings. My sense of self-worth is built on a solid foundation of adequate self-cognition and evident achievements. Despite all that, I was not immune to the conditioning about my looks nor feelings of inadequacy brought on by consistent rejection from Indian girls. I have heard and read the usual lines and phrases: "Looks are not everything", "There is nothing wrong about your looks", "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder", etc. I have tried to tell myself that I have things going great for me in every other aspect of life and looks don't matter. But none of that helped. When healing came, it came from the solid actions and expressions of others, not from any cliched lines. It came from shared love and passion.

I am indebted to American womanhood. They accepted me with open minds, open hearts, open arms, open eyes and open thighs. They loved me and they healed me. They kissed me and transformed me from An Ugly Duckling to The Charming Beast.

Today, I am secure and content about how I look. I dress the way I want, I style my hair the way I want, I eat the way I want. I have found that no matter how I style myself, there are those who like it and there are those who don't. Even when I grew a beard for 3 months and looked like a barbaric cave dweller, someone told me they found it attractive (BIG grateful thanks to her!) And when I grew my moustache really big and thick like Kamal Haasan in the movie Devar Magan, an ex-girlfriend told me I looked like an adorable rapist (she's a hottie who doesn't know just how hot she is)!

I think it's all good. Very very rarely I fantasize about having the kind of looks which would make all heads in a room turn, which would make any woman fall for me. But sanity comes back soon enough. I am glad that there will always be those who like my looks and those who don't. I think looking too good would have spoilt my mental and emotional health, may be even my physical health. I like the fact that I can never predict a strange woman's reactions to my looks. She may be very repulsed or she may be very attracted, or she may feel anything between those extremes. I like that mystery. It suits me and my looks just fine.

Awesome Break Dance Video

This break dance video is awesome. A MUST SEE!

http://www.el8.net/~gb/breakdance.wmv

Eating alone and waking up alone in the morning!

Watched a Korean movie last night: Shiri.

Really liked it. It is a political action thriller with a romantic story woven in. It is apparently the most commercially successful Korean movie to date.

I watched it at this colleague-friend's place Friday evening, after work. (Was surprised that he had chosen a Korean movie; did not think he was the foreign movie type). Anyway, I was going home later, driving alone and remembered the romantic moments from the movie and the heart-movingly cute heroine. I remembered the romantic moments... their going to a play, their having dinner together, their standing on the side walk, taking shelter from the rain, their kissing... And I remembered my looong single status and loneliness... Felt unhappy and frustrated. Left with a feeling of helplessness and inadequacy.

I wonder why I am alone. It's not like anything is wrong with me. I have consciously made myself into the best person I could be. I am stably employed, I am well educated, I am smart. I have good tastes, I am polite and cultured, I am deeply interested in spirituality. I am friendly and kind and romantic. I can sing, I can cook, I can make a woman feel like she is the most special person in the world. I can even dance when I am in the mood. And I am really really nice.

So, why don't I have an equally nice girl with me right now? To share similar romantic moments as the ones I saw in the movie? Someone to fill my life and world with the yin energy, the feminine smells and sounds and preferences. Someone who would eat with me and who would be there when I wake up. The heroine in the movie tells the hero, "You did not like eating alone and waking up alone in the morning." That is exactly what I do, and what I hate!

"Difference between love, romance, and sex?"

Question on a message board:

So, what do you think is the difference between love, romance, and sex?

My response:

For animals and gods, they are all the same. That is why I ask people to get in touch with the animal and divine sides within themselves. Every person has three aspects: animal, god and human. Getting in touch with the animal and divine sides within us will help us love and make love truthfully, sincerely, joyfully.

- Swami Libran Lover

The Pendant, The Chain & The Giftbox

(Click for bigger pics!)

The Pendant, The Chain & The Giftbox.
Considering these for Valentine's 2005!

The website says:

Surprise her with the lush, red color of rubies. An exquisite 3-stone ruby past, present and future pendant is set in glowing yellow gold with a shining diamond accent. Rubies have long represented love and passion and they are the birthstone for July. This pendant makes a wonderful, romantic gift.

Every piece of Wal-Mart jewelry passes rigorous inspection at our Quality Assurance labs. So you can buy with confidence — guaranteed.

Product Information:

Total Carat Weight: 1/10 carat T.W.*
Shape : Round and heart
Number of Diamonds: 2 round diamond accents
Number of Gems: 4mm, 5mm, 6mm heart lab ruby
Diamond Color & Clarity : I/I3
Metal Type : 10kt yellow gold
Setting: Prong
Chain Length : 20 inches
Chain: Rope
Clasp: Spring ring

Price: $42.74

Is that a good price for this gift? Can someone tell me?

I have bought jewellery on the Internet before and a few days later, found the same stuff on some other website for close to 50% lesser price! I certainly don't mind spending, but I do not like paying more than fair price.

So, still thinking, still considering...

Update on Feb 19th 2005:
It seems I waited a couple of days too long after posting this blog. Two days after I posted this blog, the item went out of stock! I have been checking daily ever since. It is still out of stock! :(

Sex quote of the day!

Wow! I was reading some random blog and came across this line:

I'm" at the farthest point right now from whatever the next time I'm going to have sex is but I'm just good for now.

Is celibacy really possible?

I have tried to be celibate, and here's my conclusion:
It is very difficult for a normal healthy active male to be celibate. He would be celibate only under the following conditions:

1. No opportunities for him to slip.

2. All his senses are protected from sexual stimuli. In our current society, this condition is almost impossible to achieve for a person living a normal life.

It must be easier for girls to be celibate than for guys. At least they behave as if it is.

Disclaimer: There are exceptions to all of the above.

Sentiments: I feel sad for people who are deprived of loving intimacy. It is one of our fundamental needs - like food, water, air, clothing, shelter. No one should be deprived of it.

Married 30+ women and the Bimbo Quotient!

There are exceptions to what I say below. So, ladies, please don't take this personally.

The trend is obvious: married and/or 30+ women are smarter, more sensible, more mature, form better opinions about issues, articulate those opinions better, resolve issues better (read: their responses/actions normally don't escalate an argument or problem), even flirt better, when compared with unmarried and/or 20's girls. I have no doubts that they also make better partners and lovers than the 20's girls.

What happens to women when they reach 30 and/or get married? Do you ladies have a secret initiation ceremony where some esoteric mantra is chanted into her ear and some synapses in the brain kick into action? Or is it, the result of living with, loving and making love to a man? I rather think it must be the latter.

Whatever it is, please do something to reduce the BQ* levels in your younger sisters! Pass on some advice, teach them some lessons, give them the secret mantra! Their BQ is more exasperating than entertaining, and it has a bad effect on the morale of single guys who hope to marry them someday!

*BQ - Bimbo Quotient. I coined a new phrase!

"why did God make these guys like this......"

Some poor girl's frustrated post on a message board:

Hi friends,
Juz wanted to share....one thing that i have realized in my life till now....All the guys are the same....they want the same thing.....SEX...watever the thing or relationship starts with...they come to there asliyat......have seen and experienced a lot......
Really sometimes wonder....why did God make these guys like this......

Wat do u guys say???

What I say: Good question. If God did not want guys to be "like this", he would not have made us "like this", right? Since he made us "like this", it clearly indicates God wants us to be "like this". If that is God's will, should not every woman follow it and give in to guys' desires? Why are you complaining or resisting?

"SO DO INDIAN MEN DESERVE NO LOVE ??? or DATES???"

Update on 26-July-2005: The post linked in the first line below and again towards the end of this blog, is no longer available on Craigslist. However, the person who posted it has started a blog: Your Guide to Dating An Indian. I find that blog to be below par and immature. However, I am providing the link here for documentation (huh?!) purposes. My original blog follows below.

Was referred to the following post on Craigslist: SO DO INDIAN MEN DESERVE NO LOVE ??? or DATES???

Here's the main excerpt from the above post:

[START QUOTE]

I can tell you the reason why most girls, desi or non don't like to go for Indians. I have heard more than 100 stories in the last few years from every woman I know who has dated or tried a relationship with a desi guy.

1. There is always that, let's have a relationship now and I love you and I want to marry you but I won't tell anyone of my friends or family that you even exist. You are just a friend and then one fine day, make a trip to India to "visit" family and the guy either comes back married or engaged and his answer is "sorry but they forced me and now I can't do anything." Some get even worse and then say, I always told you my parents would never approve of anyone that I found and other b.s. things like that. My point is, desi guys tend to want to lie and are dishonest about long term futures even when things are going well and they don't have the balls to stand up for someone even if they love them. <<<-------- This is the BIGGEST reason why I know most women wont even look at a desi as a serious relationship matter.. What good is it if he can't be a man?
2. They are too cheap. I have actually had a desi guy ask me to split a bill at Taco Bell.. I mean, hey I don't mind going dutch but ocassionally it would be nice to see a guy actually making things a little romantic than finding the cheapest way to a date.
3. They are NOT romantic. They have no concept of how to treat a woman period. They don't know about bringing flowers on special occassions or sometimes, just cuz. They don't know how to show their emotions and care for someone. Their idea of a date is sitting at home or at Naz, watching a Desi movie over a dinner at an indian restaurant. They have no concept of doing something to please a woman and let's face it.. desi or not, women love romance.
4. They still live in the world of "I want to have fun with a gf right now" but when it comes to marriage, I want my wife to a be "pure virgin." They want to go around screwing people by lying and deception and that's why they go back home to get their so called "virgins" to marry. Another wards, they are hypocrits!! You can't build a long term relationship with someone who is a hypocrit, lies, and builds a relationship based on deception.
5. Ugliness, Hygine, and manners - Not every desi guy is a tall, dark and handsom. My friend dated a guy who admitted to her that even today, he doesn't like taking a shower and usually goes 3-5 days without a shower, using the D.O. Some of them lack complete manners. They are loud when you talk to them.. they talk at you and no with you.. sometimes they make funny sounds which are perfectly acceptible in India but not here... And, people, what's with that thick bushy mustache? This is a very indian thing.. Most guys in India like to keep a mustache because it represents manliness.. but what good is your mustache if you can't stand up for your own self, make your own decision, and despite being 20 or 30 or 40, have to follow your mom and dad's rules? Mustache doesn't make you a man.. and WOMEN Don't like it!!!! Get rid of it!!!
6. If you ever go to indian "matrimonial" sites, they look for "slim, fair, can cook, clean, working or prefer to stay home, can take care of my parents and children type" and when these desi guys try to date, they also look for the same. Dating is not the same as arranged marriage. Arranged marriages are like a business deal and dating is when you actually get to know a person and see if there can be a future. Be open minded and ask for something that you deserve. I have seen too many ugly guys wanting the Julia Roberts equiv. from indian girls and it's just not realistic. I mean, most desis can make a decision to marry someone by meeting them for an hour yet, when it comes to dating, you seem to have too many demands that you yourself cannot adhere to.

I don't mean to generalize but most women will give you a reason or reasons between the above mentioned ones as to their experiences with a desi guy. Since there aren't that many desis to go around, once a woman has one or two experience like this, they stay away from desis in general.. Hence, anyone who may not even fit in to this catagory will suffer because of your fellow desi men who have used and abused these above mentioned criterias too much.

So, all of you desi men.. scratch that.. BOYS out there no matter the age.. Get with the program here.. Be sincere, honest, and pick which side of the culture fense you want to play in. You can't switch cultural sides when only it's fun to you and need someone for timepass.

If you are seriously looking for a relationship that can be fun and turn into something meaningful, do the following:

1. Clean Hygine.
2. Don't hide your dating someone to anyone, be it your family or friends. No one is asking you to intoduce them on your first date but when you have moved to base 2 or further, it's time to stop hiding. Hiding shows you have no good intensions.
3. Learn how to treat a woman and how to be romantic. There are plenty of free sites on the web that can give you some lessons on how to woo a woman or simply date
4. Be respectful and leave the hypocracies behind. Treat others as you would want to be treated.

If you can just follow those four rules, your chances of being noticed and accepted by a woman are higher. Good luck.

[END QUOTE]

My comments:

Unfortunately, she is right. I agree with most of the post, except for the bit about having a moustache. That has more to do with personal/cultural style preference and less to do with a show of manliness. Take that from me on faith. I know.

My theory is that most Indians - men AND women - don't know how to be good lovers. It's nothing new. We can draw a similar list for desi women. Centuries of getting married and getting a spouse for life, without putting in any hardwork to deserve and keep that love, has done that to them.

In almost every personal encounter with a woman - desi or otherwise - I try to make it nice and pleasant for her. But how much hardwork can a few us do to change the perceptions, when the majority of desi men and women are out spoiling it for us?

So, how to be a good lover? Just do what the girl in the above Craigslist post says: be brave, don't put on a false front, be a romantic, be clean, simple stuff like that. Is it too much to ask of a man? If you want a no strings attached some-some, just be honest about it from the beginning.

I agree that there are complaints about other ethnicities also. But there is something to be said about the percentage of people who cause such complaints within a particular ethnicity. There is also the perception angle. Whether it is factually true or not, perceptions stick to you stronger than super glue. And ethnic perceptions are the strongest. Desi women complain about us, videsi women complain about us. We - desi men - have a responsibility towards our brothers and sons to change that perception among women of the world. Seriously.

Just hard work is not enough. Smart work is needed too. Remember, it's all about perception. This post on Craigslist has done a LOT of damage to the perception, man. I can only hope that post was not on the Best of Craigslist. That fricking page is read by people ALL OVER the country!

Wear It, Bitch

I was referred to an article recently:

Wear It, Bitch

By Annalee Newitz, AlterNet. Posted January 12, 2005.

This is about a woman who got fired at Harrah's, sued them and she lost the case. Which is why the article is titled, "Wear it, b1tch", meaning that is the real message of the judges.

I liked this line: Now that the most liberal circuit court in the land has paved the way, I can just imagine the proposed federal legislation: no woman shall appear in public without covering her face.

I mean, what is the difference between a US court forcing women to wear make-up and a mullah asking women to cover their face with veil?

Yet, there is another side to the question too: what is the difference between an employer requiring women to wear makeup and an employer enforcing a dress-code at the work place?

Yet another question: would Harrah's have fired this employee if she looked very good without makeup? So, the question was not really about makeup, the question was about measuring upto the kind of looks the employers expected employees to possess. Going by that logic, it's not an unusual thing. Models and actresses routinely lose assignments when the people who hire them decide they no longer look suitable to endorse the product or play the role.

Bottomline: if you chose the kind of job where looks is one of the criteria for employment, don't crib if you are fired for not looking good enough.

Friendly American Strangers

Americans are not comfortable with silences or with strangers. They need to fill the silence and pretend to be friendly. And the chat cannot be anything but inane nonsense because they are too sensitive and you never know what topic is taboo - innocent questions about family or current affairs could be dangerous. So the safest topics in order of preference end up being:

1. How are you?
2. Weather.
3. Day of week.
4. Sports.

As someone said, the conversation goes something like, "Hey buddy, how's it going? Cold outside, huh? Damn these Mondays. So how about thoe Knicks last night?"

"Is it my fault that I felt like kissing in the temple?"

Found this post on a message board:

I was at a religious seminar in a Hindu Temple here in North America. The lady who was sitting before me had almost 80% of her back exposed. She was wearing a low cut blouse. Her husband is a very orthodox person, recites vedas for hours every week.

I was distracted by the way this woman was dressed. In fact, I felt like kissing her back.

I think it was her mistake that she was dressed inappropriately like that. I could not concentrate on the seminar topic. Is it my fault that I felt like kissing her? She was dressed to seek attention. What else?

My response:

This seems to be a troll. Yet this is a question that so many of us face at different levels in life. So, let me answer.

All of us have voluntary muscles and organs (arms, legs, eyes) as well as involuntary muscles and organs (heart, stomach, ears, etc.). The action of the involuntary organs are not under our control. Our only responsibility towards the involuntary organs is to keep our system healthy for their healthy functioning. Voluntary organs are in our control. If these organs do something wrong, we are responsible and at fault.

To fall in love, to feel like kissing, to be sexually excited, to grow in size, to blush, etc. are often functions of the involuntary organs. No one is to be blamed for them. As a consequence of this involuntary reaction/stimulation, if your voluntary muscles do something that would cause harm to yourself and/or to others, you are certainly at fault.

I hope this helps.

Swami Libran Lover

Ancient Mythologies vs Modern Stories

Someone mentioned on a message board that they recently read the Amar Chitra Comics as an adult, and realized that the comics they loved so much as a kid seemed to be poorly written. Their dissatisfaction was more with the content, than with the style of narration. They felt that some of the contents of ancient mythology, such as children being born "without consummation", would be hard for young readers to understand.

I agree that they have a point. But the fact that they liked the comics as a kid indicates that they comics are successful in reaching out to their target audience: kids.

The thing about ancient mythology is that, they have all kinds of elements - good behavior and bad behavior, violence, sexuality, anger, jealousy, courage, kindness, etc. Yet, these myths are not targetted at people of any one gender or age group or social strata. Most ancient myths are for the enjoyment of all people, every individual in the culture to which the myth belongs. The beauty of these myths is that they speak to the people on various levels (various personal levels as well as various socio-economic levels), and they speak to individuals at exactly the level of understanding and growth the individual is on.

So, a child can enjoy the stories of Krishna without really having to know the details of Krishna's polyamorous activites, where as, a young adult can enjoy Krishna's stories inclusive of his amorous adventures and a very old person who may not be interested in romance and sexuality, can enjoy Krishna's stories at an entirely different level. That is the beauty of ancient mythology.

This is not true of modern stories. Which is why, it is difficult for us to show most modern movies or share most modern books with young children. Parents these days have to struggle and come up with ingenous explanations and interpretations for kids about the stories they are exposed to on television and in the movies. Parents have to give unconvincing explanations to growing kids about why their access to certain stories and materials should be restricted. Ancient myths did not have these hassles.

Most of us grew up reading Amar Chitra Katha books, most of us grew up being exposed to all kinds of stories which would be considered taboo for children today. Yet, we turned out alright. In fact, people who are not adequate exposed to all aspects of life in their growing years, tend to have problems as adults in adapting and adjusting to new situations. So, Amar Chitra Katha and other books based on ancient stories may not be as bad as they appear to our modern left-brain educated adult minds. Also, children are amazingly resilient, insightful and understanding.

To be truly rich: Multiply!

Posted on December 21, 2004 20:26 PM EST

I am convinced that Addition is not the way to get rich. Multiplication is the way to get truly rich.

You cannot exchange a single hour of labor or a single product of your effort or a single service for money, and hope to get rich. That is not how it seems to work.

I mean, how much money can you make by exchanging hours of labor to dollars? Even if you are a top class consultant, there are only so many hours you can work and bill for in a day. You are constrained by the number of hours in a day and by your physical limitations. What one-of-a-kind product can you produce with your tools and skills, which can bring you a lot of money? How many of such pieces can you make in a day, a month? Just how much money would that be sold for even if you were the greatest painter alive? (Moreover, the worth of your painting is likely to go up after you are dead). The same logic holds for individual services too. Even if you are the best masseuse or hooker in town, there are only so many individual services you can give in a day and you can earn only so much. Your money-making capacity is limited.

I call this making money by Addition. In this method, to earn more money, you have to add to what you deliver or provide: add hours to your working hours, add to the number of one-of-a-kind products you can make, add clients to the individual service you provide. This is a tiresome way of making money and it is severely limited. You may be able to earn a comfortable living, but cannot get really rich this way. I am talking of filthy rich, being rich enough to throw money away, being so rich that you can never correctly tell exactly how much your riches are worth.

Now look at how these people make money: Stephen King writes a book, he writes it once. But he gets money everytime a copy of the book is sold. Millions of copies are sold and he makes millions. With just one time effort. And then the book gets made into a movie. He makes money then. The movie is seen by millions of people, he makes money everytime a person sees the movie. All this with one time effort. Similarly with movie and television producers and actors. They put in a one time effort and earn money on it over and over again. Beyonce earns the same way when she makes a music album. So does the richest person on Earth, Bill Gates, who makes a product once and sells it many times over, with some clever marketing and monopolistic strategies. In case of this last gentleman, it is truly impossible to exactly estimate his worth. It goes up everytime someone buys his product somewhere in the world, and it is a safe bet that his products are bought every hour, perhas even every minutes, day after day.

In each of the above cases, a single effort pays off many times over. Some of these continue to pay over and over through the decades. The money keeps flowing as long as the product is popular and bought with the copyright intact. This is the Multiplicative way of getting rich. On this path, there is no mid-way success. You won't get slotted somewhere in the middle class or upper middle class or some such wimpy category of richness. You will either be well and truly rich, able to afford all the first-class and business class stuff. Or you will go kaput and lose your investment. But the investment often appears to be so low, and the returns so high, the risks seem well worth it.

Clearly, putting your attention and effort into channels which multiply your wealth, rather than add to it, is the way to go. Compound interest (multiplicative/exponential) is always preferred to simple interest (additive).

I could almost convince myself to chuck my day job and put all my effort into writing a best-seller, ya?

Watching the naachwalis!

Posted on December 6, 2004 18:4 PM EST

We had been to this colleague-friend's home for dinner on Saturday. When we gather socially with friends and colleagues, I prefer that we sit together and talk, with may be some background music. But my preference seems to be the exception among most desis I know. These people prefer to switch on the TV, sit in front/around it and then talk! I can't pay attention to the TV nor to the conversation. I hate that atmosphere.

On Saturday, after dinner, people wanted to watch some Hindi movie songs. Our gracious host played a DVD and the big screen filled up with the Sharaara Sharaara song. The video was complete with partially clothed desi babes doing variety of suggestive gyrations. And then it occurred to me!

This is what occurred to me: In the olden days, before the times of movies and TVs, if I wanted to watch a similar dance by similar naachwaalis, not only would I have to shell out a lot of money, I would also earn a very bad reputation for patronizing such "artiste"! Today, I watch it for free, at home, among friends and family of different age groups and both genders, and nobody is bothered.