Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The Decade of Aishwarya Rai



Aishwarya Rai in Kandukonden Kandukonden This month, January 2007, marks 10 years of Aishwarya Rai's career in the Indian film industry. Her debut movie, Iruvar, was released on January 14th, 1997. It was directed by one of the most popular Indian directors of modern times, Mani Ratnam. Interestingly, Guru, also a Mani Ratnam movie, was released on January 14th, 2007, exactly 10 years after her debut movie.

Artificiality of Aishwarya
By the time Aishwarya entered the world of Indian movies, she was already an internationally famous super model. By then, many people already had an overdose of Aishwarya and they had begun to dislike her 'plastic' or 'artificial' looks, smile, expressions, on-screen personality. Her critics have always maintained that she is not a good actress and that she is no better than a decorative lifeless plastic model in her movie roles. Her performances in 10 years' worth of movies have only served to increase the volume - both in numbers and decibels - of the allegations of "artificiality".

When a person is trained to be a model from the time she is little more than a girl, when her day job and evening job and all public appearances require her to flash false smiles, and when the whole world is familiar with little more than the false-smile public persona, it is inevitable that she would seem artificial in everything she does. This is especially true when she has the super model looks and gets crowned as the Miss World. I wonder how a person can keep a firm grip on her own true inner self after going through a career which requires them to maintain superficial looks and smiles during the most important formative years - teens and early adulthood. It would be so easy to lose the sense of who she truly is...

But hey, this post is not an analysis of Aishwarya's personality nor an apology for her on-screen performance. Aishwarya Rai might not be the best Indian actress there ever was, but looking at 10 years of her filmography (here and here - you have to check both links as neither one of them is complete in itself), I must say that she is the luckiest Indian actress to date.

Speciality of Aishwarya
She had a dream debut in the Tamil movie, Iruvar, directed by Mani Ratnam, starring opposite the great Mohan Lal. The movie was not a big commercial success, and is little known outside of Tamil circles. But, Mani Ratnam and Mohan Lal are considered great masters in their chosen fields, and her role - rather roles - in the movie was something special and different (more about this later). From the kind of debut that very few actresses can boast of, Aishwarya went on to act with almost every major director in contemporary India. She has also starred opposite most of the popular actors of her times. Interestingly, two of the best and most popular actors, Kamal Haasan and Aamir Khan, are conspicuously absent from her filmography (although she has a guest appearance in Aamir's Mela).

However, the speciality of Aishwarya's movie career is neither her directors nor her co-stars. It is the fact that she has had the widest variety of roles compared to any other actress in the history of Indian cinema! This is an industry which is notorious for type-casting, where even such great and popular actresses as Nargis, Madhubala, Smitha Patil, Madhuri Dixit and Kajol could not truly escape being type-cast into certain kinds of roles. Even actors such as Kamal Haasan and Aamir Khan have to work really hard not to end up in meaningless, type-cast roles, and they do not always succeed. So, it is no small matter that Aishwarya has had such varied roles.

Aishwarya's career is a true example of the old adage - luck is when preparation meets opportunity. She waited until she had completed the best years of her modelling career, before switching over to the movie industry. The switch happened at a time when the previous No. 1 actress of Hindi movies, Madhuri Dixit, had most definitely gone off the limelight. Kajol shone briefly after Madhuri, but then she ended an excellent acting career after she got married. After Kajol, the field was pretty much open for Aishwarya Rai to rule. Neither Rani Mukherjee nor Kareena Kapoor nor any other new actress could match the sheer popularity of Aishwarya. Fortunately for Aishwarya, this was also the time when movie makers in India were eager to fudge the mythical and mystical line between 'art movies' and 'commercial movies'. In addition to all this, Aishwarya was already very popular and established as a celebrity. Her modelling career had ensured that she did not lack for money or fame. So, she could afford to pick and choose the kind of roles she wanted, without being compelled into anything she did not truly want.

Roles of Aishwarya
The wide variety of roles Aishwarya has played have made her movie career the stuff that actresses across the world can only dream of. She has donned every role from single 'item' numbers to bimbo eye-candy in dumbo masala movies to strong central protagonist roles around whom the whole storyline revolves to substantial female-oriented roles. As a sampler, just look at the kind of movie roles she has lined up in 2007:
  • Guru - as the wife, main champion and supporter of Guru, the character based on the prominent industrialist Dhirubhai Ambani.
  • Rani Laxmibai - as the historical warrior queen, who played a pivotal role in the First War of Indian Independence.
  • Provoked - the role of a docile immigrant wife, who is a victim of domestic violence, falsely accused of murder and jailed, before she fights back for justice.
  • Jodhaa Akbar - the role of a Hindu princess who is forced to be part of a political marriage with the great Mughal Emperor Akbar.
  • The Last Legion - the role of a female warrior in a saga set in ancient Rome.

In addition to these, she is also acting in a few masala movies. Which Indian (or foreign actress) could boast of such a wide variety of roles in one year, in both national and international productions?

I have watched very few of Aishwarya Rai's movies. I have not even heard of the titles of many of her movies. But from the few movies I have watched, I can say that the allegations of lifelessness in her on-screen personality is not entirely true. She is certainly better than the majority of actresses to appear on the Indian screen, including such popular people as Hema Malini and Rakhi, who were not much more than bad hams.

The following are noteworthy roles played by Aishwarya Rai in movies I have watched. Be warned that all of what follows contains spoilers for the respective movies.

  • Iruvar - This is her debut movie. She plays dual roles in this movie, as a demure housewife in a village and as a fiesty actress who has an affair with the chief minister of the state. Both the characters are doomed in the storyline. It is in this movie that I first got a glimpse of the sexy dark mole on her upper arm. The mole is usually hidden in most of her movies and modelling assignments.

  • Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam - This role of Aishwarya is my most favorite. Through the course of the movie, she transforms from a lively, innocent girl to a girl caught in the thrills of first love to a person who loses the love and is driven to attempt suicide to an unhappily married woman who desperately tries to find her lover to a woman who has a change of heart and embraces her status as a married woman. I think she did a great job in every aspect of the role. After watching this movie, the title song was stuck in my head for almost two whole years!

  • Kandukonden Kandukonden - Another movie in which Aishwarya plays the role of the fiesty, independent, opinionated girl. I like her in such roles. The movie is an excellent adaptation of Jane Austen's Sense & Sensibility. Among all her movies that I have watched, this is the one in which she looks her best.

  • Choker Bali - The movie is based on Rabindranath Tagore's novel 'Binodini', and Aishwarya has the title role. She plays the role of a widow in early 1900s India, being tormented by her personal needs and desires, and her attraction to a married man. Although the screenplay of the movie lacked and did not do full justice to the novel, the title role was pretty challenging and important. It is a role that any actress would be flattered to be chosen for.

  • Khakee - This is a very entertaining movie, and Aishwarya plays the role of a stylish and trickster vamp. It was an interesting move on her part to accept the role of a villain in a movie.

  • Rain Coat - A touching movie based on an O Henry story. Aishwarya plays the role of a poor housewife who has to keep up an appearance of being rich and comfortable in front of her old flame. Another movie in which she has given an commendable performance.

  • Aishwarya Rai in Bunty Aur BabliBunty Aur Babli - Ooh, she sizzles in this movie! She has nothing more than an 'item number' in the movie - the Kajra Re song (that's a link to the video!). 'Item number' in the context of Indian movies refers to a song sequence, which has little or nothing to do with the actual story line of the movie, is often sleazy and put in the movie for the sole purpose of drawing in the crowds. Aishwarya plays a bar singer/dancer in the song, and she looks really hot. It was over a decade before this movie, when she was just a new model, that I had noticed that she was hot. However, the more popular she became, the less hot she seemed to me. This movie made me sit up and notice her hotness factor all over again! And, it did so for the rest of the world too. No bar-dancer or prostitute or kothewali looked so hot in the history of Indian cinema!


No. 1 Position of Aishwarya
Now, the much-asked (and answered!) question is: does Aishwarya do proper justice to all these great roles? There are some people who are convinced - and are quite vocal about it - that she does not. They think that her acting skills are not worthy of all the popularity and success she enjoys. Then there are a few who think that she is a good actress. But the vast majority simply don't care as long as they can see her beautiful form onscreen. After all, if not Aishwarya, who can take on all these roles? Perhaps, different people might suit the different roles. But as things stand today, I cannot think of a single celebrity actress who can handle all these roles. So perhaps, it is only right and proper that Aishwarya should be enjoying so much success and be the undoubted No. 1 Indian actress at this point of time.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Do you Paypal?

Does small cash pass back and forth often or occasionally between your friends and you? Is this cash in any of these currencies? Do you live in any one of these countries and operate a bank account there? If you answered yes to all these questions, you should immediately sign up for Paypal.com. Go ahead and just do it. Seriously. And, get your friends to sign up also.

Warning: This is an unabashed and unpaid advertisement for Paypal.com.

Paypal is such an incredibly convenient free service, I don't know why more people don't use it. Suppose you go out for lunch with a friend and s/he pays the bill at the restaurant. Your share of the tab is $7.17 and you need to give this money to your friend. Now imagine that you have a personal secretary who will go out to the bank, withdraw the exact $7.17 from your checking account and pays it to your friend, without you writing a cheque or handling cash or dealing with the hassles of finding the exact change, without even your leaving the seat! In a similar vein, suppose your friend pays you a certain amount of cash and you want to deposit the money in your bank account. Imagine having a secretary who will get this money from your friend, then go out and deposit it into your bank account, without your having to fill out a deposit slip or leave the comfort of your home or office. To add more more fun to these imaginary scenarios, suppose that your friend is in another state or country, and you need to send money to her or get money from him. Imagine that this secretary's services include giving money to or getting it from this distant friend of yours, instantly, without any money orders or mailing of cheques or waiting periods involved. And best of all, imagine that the services of this secretary are absolutely free! Sounds too good to be true, eh? Yet, this is exactly what Paypal does for you.

Paypal is an online service to which anybody with an email address (and lives in these countries and does transactions in these currencies) can sign up. Then, you register your bank account information with Paypal. Soon after your bank account is registered and confirmed, you are in business. All you have to do is logon to Paypal.com to initiate withdrawals and deposits into your bank account, to and from anybody else who uses the Paypal service. And as long as the transactions are all personal (meaning, no buying and selling from or to the other party of the transaction) and the total amount of your transactions is within a certain limit, it's all free.

So, if I have to pay $7.17 to that friend who paid for my lunch, all I have to do is log on to Paypal.com and initiate a 'Send Money' transaction to my friend. The amount will be withdrawn from my bank account and sent to my friend's Paypal account. My friend can then have the money transferred from her Paypal account to her bank. Everything done online. Nobody handles cash or cheques, nor deals with trips to the bank or ATMs. It is as simple as that. Now you can even use the sms service of your cell phone to do Paypal transactions.

A sole bank-only transaction on Paypal takes about 2-3 business days, which is the same as depositing a cheque and waiting for it to cash. If the bank account registered with Paypal has a backup funding source such as my debit card, the transfer of funds is instant. As soon as I hit the send money button on Paypal.com, the money is transfered to my friend's Paypal account that very instant.

I have a bunch of friends with whom there is always some monetary transactions going on: somebody picked up the tab during a group lunch, somebody bought movie tickets to the whole group, somebody bought a group gift for someone's birthday. We need to pay money to all these different people. When there are anywhere from 5 to 20 people in the group, all those transactions can become a hassle when dealing with cash and small change. Getting so many cheques and depositing them is also a chore in itself. This is where Paypal is such a big convenience.

Whether you do small cash exchanges frequently or occasionally, give Paypal a try. You will definitely thank me for it.

Note: When I recommended Paypal to friends in the past, some of them expressed concerns about Paypal's security. All I can tell such people is that I have been using Paypal regularly for almost five years now, and I have never had any problems with their services or security. I have read about some phishing emails which were sent to Paypal customers. These emails looked like official emails sent from Paypal, but they were actually sent by some scammers who invited gullible people to click on a link and enter their Paypal login and password. The scammers were going to use this information to steal money from people's Paypal account. But then such emails have been targetted at Citibank, Wells Fargo (I personally received such a phishing email targetting Wells Fargo customers) and other banks' customers. The bottomline is that, signing up for Paypal's service does not make you any more vulnerable than doing online banking transactions with your traditional banks. As long as you are careful about what you do online, using Paypal is as safe as using your bank's website for online transactions. Probably, safer!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Driving in America

This post is inspired by Priyamvada's recent post The Highway. Priya's post has metaphors and analogies galore. But I am going to set those aside and talk just about driving in the US.

Like her, I too have reflected on how much of driving is based on trust - trust of the people who put up the signs, trust of the other people with whom we share the road. This is one of the things about the US that I am amazed about: regardless of how remote a location is, if there is a road, there are proper, well-maintained signs. It seems like every last aspect of the road and driving conditions are considered and taken care of, including posting the most optimum speed limits for the changing curves and gradients, designation of passing lanes and stretches, etc. I can't remember a single instance of missing or bad signs on American roads. Of course, there are some residential localities where I have heard the residents wish they had speed humps or additional stop signs. But the busier highways and roads never let us down.

Coming from India, this amazes me no end. In India, driving is not about trust. It is about blind faith in our own life-line. We can never trust any signs, signals, directions or other people who share the road with us. We can never lean back and truly enjoy driving because anything could happen at any time! I mean, literally anything! There is no telling what we might encounter all of a sudden, with absolutely no warning or signs - an animal or a person lying right in the middle of the road, another vehicle travelling in the wrong direction or against the signal, a dip or a hump or a big open ditch. Anything is possible! Other Indians would know what I am talking about. No wonder that 2006's accident statistics of just one Bangalore city shows an average of three deaths and seventeen injuries per day due to accidents! I am so thankful to whatever agencies maintain the American roads and signs. It is not only a job truly well-done; more importantly, it is the result of a healthy respect for life and property. Something that's sorely lacking in India.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Guru - Movie Review (Paisa Waste!)

Guru Poster In art, more than in anything else, if something can't be done well, it's not worth doing it at all. This includes the art of movies. In all other aspects of life, a mediocre product might be tolerable. But to witness bad art is demoralizing, dispiriting, disappointing.

Mani Ratnam's latest movie Guru is such a disappointment. It is hard to believe that the dull and mediocre Guru, is made by the same director who made the tour de force masterpiece, Nayagan. Where are the clear storyline, tight script, crisp dialogs, which are the key elements of a good Mani Ratnam movie?

Guru is supposed to have been inspired by the rags-to-spectacular-riches story of the late Dhirubhai Ambani, who founded and headed what was/is probably the richest, most powerful and influential corporate house in India, Reliance Industries Limited. There is certainly a great story to be told about his life. Unfortunately, Guru fails to tell that story effectively.

The movie's narrative just limps along, without touching our heads or our hearts. We don't see the main character Guru do anything extraordinarily smart or ingenious or innovative... In fact, forget extraordinary, we don't see him doing anything even ordinarily smart or ingenious or innovative. Yet, we are supposed to believe that he built this big business empire just like that. Since when did Mani Ratnam's movies get dumbed down so much?

Nor do we emotionally care about what happens to Guru in the movie. He suffers a stroke, he is harassed by a judicial inquiry. Do we care too much about that? Do we feel sorry for him? Do we root and cheer him onto recovery and success? Not really. Not being touched emotionally is a very big failure in a Mani Ratnam movie. I am used to his movies having us empathize with the main characters and their struggles, almost effortlessly. Guru fails miserably in that.

The story lacks head or heart. The script meanders loosely. All the dialogs sound phoney and lack soul. We could expect at least the dialogs to be crisp and hard-hitting in Mani Ratnam's Tamil movies (mostly written by Mani Ratnam himself or his wife, Suhasini). This movie lacks even that.

This is probably Abhishek Bacchan's best performance in a movie. Unfortunately, his best performance is not much to write home about. Aishwarya Rai's performance lends ample fuel to all her critics - especially the ones who have been claiming for a decade that she is no more than a plastic doll in movies. Yes, Aishwarya Rai has been acting in movies for 10 years now. Her first movie was also directed by Mani Ratnam, and it is called Iruvar, release on Jan 14th, 1997. Exactly, 10 years later, we see her another Mani Ratnam movie, and it is unfortunate that this movie and her performance in it is such a dud. There are a couple of scenes in which she is alright - sobbing in the train, her face in the foreground and Abhishek's in the background, after being abandoned by the guy she intended to run away with; and, one or two scenes as a domestic housewife. Otherwise, it's a dud. Madhavan and Vidya Balan have given good performances in supporting roles. Mithun in the role of an old newspaper owner is also good.

A R Rahman's music does not sound like Rahman's music at all. It is jarring. Gulzar's lyrics did not seem to have anything special in them either.

There are some very successful writers. When they reach a certain stage of extreme commercial success, they stop doing all the hardwork. They have teams of disciples who do the work for them, all the research and the writing, and these successful writers lend their names to the covers of such books. Watching Guru made me wonder if this whole movie was made by such mediocre disciples of Mani Ratnam and A R Rahman, while putting up the more popular names in the credits.

You may safely give this movie a miss. It's paisa waste!

Friday, January 05, 2007

Linens 'n Things (LNT.com) order processing SUCKS!

Linens 'n Things' online order processing SUCKS! Their online process via LNT.com, is a case study in how not to do online order processing. There is nothing wrong with their website's add-to-cart, go-to-checkout, pay, close process itself. It is pretty much the standard checkout process we see in most online stores. But there are underlying issues with how the whole system works, which makes for a bad customer service experience.

One small issue can break the whole chain of of the buying process with Linens 'n Things, and nobody seems to be able to fix it from there on. That is the symptom of a very badly designed system. In a robust well-designed system, a problem would be contained within a small boundary, without impacting the whole process. Moreover, it would allow for a fast resolution and smooth continuation of business. Clearly, Linens 'n Things does not have such a system/process. Talking to their customer service people, I get the impression that Linens 'n Things is not aware of the seriousness of these issues and how much they inconvenience the customers. Here's a sequential list of their issues:

1. Store inventory status not accurate on the website
The whole problem starts if you want to order something on the LNT.com website, and then pick it up from a store location of your choice. People might want to do this to avoid shipping charges and/or to take advantage of a discount or special pricing which is available through the website. Now, the LnT website does not have accurate status of the store's inventory. So, it might show that the item is available in the store, allowing you to complete the order, even though the store might actually not have the item in stock! In the age of real-time inventory updates, it is an unpardonable sin to tell the customer that you have something in stock and take the order, when you actually don't have it. Promising and not delivering results in greater customer disappointment, than if the customer was told upfront that the item is not in stock.

2. Summarily cancelling an in-store pickup order
If the store from which you want to pickup your online order does not have your item, they will immediately cancel your order. They will not attempt to get the item from their warehouse or from another location. They will not give you the option of waiting a few more days for the item to come back in stock. They will not ask you if you want to pick it up from another location in the city. They will not even offer you the option of converting your order into a shipped order, instead of an in-store pickup. They will simply and summarily cancel your order. Worse, the cancellation of the order results in a stock, automated email which does not tell you the exact reason why the order was cancelled. It simply tells you that your order was cancelled and the item you ordered is not available for pickup at the store!

3. Not being able to change cancelled orders
Once an order has been cancelled, you (the customer) have to go through the ordering process from A-to-Z, if you want to pick up the item from another store or have it shipped to your home. The customer service representatives on the phone or the clerk at the store cannot route your order to another store or convert it into a shipped order. They simply cannot do anything with the cancelled order. The result is that, if there was any special pricing or discount at the time you placed the order, you could lose it by the time your original order is cancelled and you are able to order again. Even worse is what happens to your gift card, if you placed the original order using a gift card.

4. Charging gift cards for cancelled orders
If you use a Linens 'n Things gift card to place an order, and your order gets cancelled, your gift card will still show that it was charged the amount of your order. It takes Linens 'n Things five to TEN days to restore your gift card balance. That SUCKS BIG TIME! So, if your gift card purchase item is not available in one store and your order is cancelled, but the item is available in another store, you cannot just go and buy your stuff from the other store if you want to use the gift card. You have to wait five to TEN days before the gift card can be used. Making the customer wait for no fault of theirs, in the age of the Internet and instant gratification, is the BIGGEST SIN of all online business practices!

I went through this whole sequence of issues not once but twice in the last two months. About $150 worth of money is tied-up in currently unusable Linens 'n Things gift cards. All I did was to order an item and choose to pick it up at a store, which had it in stock as per their website. After my order was cancelled, the website was updated to show that the store in question did not have my item. The last time I had a very similar problem, the website continued to show that the store had the item in stock, even after the store cancelled my order for not having the items.

There is nothing that anyone from LnT has been able to do to resolve problems 1., 2., 3. or 4. The only thing I have been able to get out of them is a weak promise of restoring my gift card balance in a "couple of days or so", and that does not include the weekend! So, including the weekend, I may still have to wait about 5 more days! I am fuming right now, and hence this rant! I hope someone at Linens 'n Things sees this and cleans up their online order processing system, which SUCKS right now.

Updated on Jan 14th, 2014 HRS:

1. I had attempted to place my first order on Thursday, Jan 4th. This order was cancelled and my gift card was charged.

2. After posting this on my blog, on Saturday, Jan 6th, I sent an email to Linens 'n Things online customer service. They replied back with the same old b.s. Worse, they told me that it would take 2 more weeks for my gift card balance to be restored. Clearly, they had not read in my blog that one of their support supervisors had promised me on the phone that my gift card balance would be restored in a "couple of days".

3. On the evening of Tuesday, Jan 9th, my gift card balance was still not restored. I called their phone customer service and reminded them of the supervisor's promise to restore the balance in a couple of days. The phone support person told me that they showed no record of their supervisor promising or requesting for my balance to be restored in two days. She said all the supervisors had gone home for the day and I should call the next morning.

4. On Wednesday, Jan 10th, I called LnT phone support again. The person who answered the phone this time told me that they did show a record of my having spoken to their supervisor the week before, and that they had over 50,000 cases they were trying to work due to the holiday gift season, that they were working round the clock, and that my balance would be restored soon, and I should just wait. He also told me that he will flag my request again and hopefully my balance will be restored in 24 to 48 hours.

5. On Thursday, Jan 11th, my gift card balance was restored in early afternoon. This is almost exactly one week after the original order, which got cancelled. I placed the order again on Thursday afternoon using the gift cards and about 3 hours later, my order was filled and ready for pickup!

Curious about what I was so keen on buying? This:
Linens 'n Things  Stainless Steel Cookware Set It's a Linens 'n Things Professional Stainless Steel 17-piece Cookware set. Although their website calls it "Everything Kitchen" brand, the label on the box and on the vessels says 'Linens 'n Things' brand. It is a beautiful heavy gauge 18/10 (whatever that means!) stainless steel set with encapsulated aluminium and copper disk bonded to the base, with riveted solid stainless steel handles. The set costs $199 plus taxes. I was able to get a 20% discount with an online discount code. The set includes:
  • 10" Covered Skillet with Assist Handle
  • 12" Open skillet
  • 1.5 qt. Covered Saucepan
  • 2.5 qt. Covered Saucepan with a double-boiler
  • 3.5 qt. Covered Saucepan with a steamer insert
  • 5 qt. Covered Dutch Oven with a steamer basket
  • a whopping 12 qt. Covered Stockpot!
  • Pasta Insert for the stockpot

Housewarming Party

...or how to feed over 30 people with 3 vessels and 1 rice cooker?

I finally had my housewarming dinner party on Christmas Eve, for the house into which I moved in June! It was originally scheduled for New Year's Eve, but many people said they would not be in town that weekend. So, I changed it to Christmas Eve. I thought (rather foolishly!) that more people would be free to make it to the party on Christmas Eve, since they celebrate Christmas Day with their families at home, and so would be in town. As it turned out, more people could not make it on Christmas Eve. I did not want to move the dates around too much. So, I just went with Christmas Eve.

I decided to make all the party food at home - except for the chips and dips. The challenge was to prepare food for over 30 people with just three cooking utensils and one rice cooker. For a single person's lifestyle, these are more than enough. But would these be enough to feed over 30 of my guests? With the menu I designed, it turned out to be just enough:

  • Appetizers
    The chips and dips went into a couple bowls. Crackers went on a big platter. I made fruit chaat in a big aluminium disposable tray. The fruit chaat was a hit - it was made with apples, pears, bananas, papayas, pineapple, green grapes, oranges, lemon juice, pineapple juice, a few mint leaves, sugar, salt and chaat masala.


  • Main Course
    Vegetable Pulao - Fried onions, bay leaves, cardamom in ghee, in one medium vessel. Masala paste was made by grinding coconut, cilantro, mint leaves, tomatoes, green chillies and ginger-garlic paste in a blender. (My blender died after all that hard work!). I mixed the fried stuff, the masala paste, uncooked rice, vegetables, salt and biriyani masala powder in the rice cooker, and cooked them all together. Four batches of this pulao were transferred from the rice cooker to the aluminium disposable trays, mixed with fresh-squeezed lemon juice and served with raitha mixed in a plastic bowl.

  • Curd Rice - Two batches of rice cooked in the rice cooker were transferred to the aluminium trays, mixed with curds, salt, green grapes, pomegranate seeds, green chillies, cilantro and seasoning made of fried mustard and curry leaves. Used one big vessel to make a gallon of curds in. This was served with mixed-vegetable pickle from the store.

  • Dessert
    Seven-layer dessert, assembled in a couple of aluminium trays. Used one small vessel to mix the custard in.


Needless to say, drinks and cocktails flowed liberally. I had a whole drinks menu consisting of:
Non-alcoholic
  • Masala Soda
  • Orange Juice, Apple Juice
  • Coca Cola, Sprite, Ginger Ale, Club Soda

Alcoholic
  • Heineken
  • Vodka, Tequila, Jagermeister

Cocktails
  • Hot Heini
  • Long Island Iced Tea
  • Margarita
  • Tequila Sunrise


After shopping trips spread over 3-days to 6 different stores, the cooking started at 10:30 AM on the day of the party and went on until 7 PM, with a lunch break in-between! I had invaluable help from a friend-colleague, without which I might not have gotten everything done in time. I am very grateful to her for all the help.

Everyone had a lot of fun at the party. Almost everybody who could drink, got drunk. And, there was much dancing all around! I am glad the party was a success, if I say so myself!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Hurtful communications

When people are hurt in a romantic relationship, the only thing that can bring healing is absolute, unconditional love, shared without any inhibitions or holding back. If they cannot share or exchange that absolute, unconditional love, they should not attempt to communicate at all.

When people are hurt in a romantic relationship, every bit of communication (outside of absolute, unconditional love), only leads to more hurting. They may attempt to be friendly or to clarify something or to answer a question or to merely greet or bid farewell; they may even talk to show empathy or sympathy, to share or express hurt; they may even have the noble intention of helping each other heal. In all such attempts at communication, there will only be more hurt, more confusion, more anger.

So, if you are hurt, and if you cannot share unconditional love and love only, simply let go and just get the hell away. Don't even wait to say a proper goodbye. There's no such thing as a proper goodbye in such cases, anyway.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Morning Thoughts - Dec 1st, 2006

1. My arms were stuck out from under the blanket when I woke up this morning and they were freezing. Even within the shelter of my home, it gets so cold. As I got under the hot shower, I wondered about the homeless people and street sleepers. The winters must be so tough on them. How miserable they must feel every night! I am the kind of person who can sleep almost anywhere, and cold is about the only thing that can keep me from my sleep. So, I have extra sympathy for those poor people with no homes.

2. This morning, I flipped the monthly calendar over to the new month, the last month of the year. I am amazed at how quickly time seems to fly. It feels like only last month that I hung up this 2006 calendar at work. There is another calendar at home which I have not even hung up yet. I always thought that I would come around to hanging it soon, but kept postponing. And now, the year is almost over!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Hurting in Love

To be in love, in a relationship, is to expose oneself to the risks of deep hurting. We pretty much give the other person the power to hurt us badly.

The sad truth is that there is nobody in the world perfect enough to never hurt us. That kind of person simply does not exist. We can only hope for someone who will hurt us the least and whose love will make up for all the hurtful times.

The only thing we can do is try not to hurt those who love us. And on the occasions when we are hurt, try not to retaliate or do something that will escalate the hurt and cause more damage. Of course, we also have the option of breaking the love, the relationship and leaving for good.

It's a sucky deal for sure!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Hacking Democracy on Google Video



Last night I watched a remarkable documentary on Google Video, called Hacking Democracy. The documentary was telecast on HBO on Nov 2nd 2006, and here's the HBO Synopsis. You can play the documentary in the Google Video Player embedded above, or you can watch it here.

The United States of America is perhaps the country which sees the highest usage of newer computer technologies - software & hardware - at all levels, be it personal, private, public or government. It is not surprising that America would resort to new technology in its election process to record and tally thousands of millions of votes.

What is truly surprising, almost unbelievable, is the rotten system America uses to run its elections. A mix of hardware and software systems which suck big time, and an inefficient and corrupted bureaucracy which does not strictly follow due processes and regulations, have truly hijacked the 'greatest democracy in the world'. This kind of rot in any other aspect of American life, especially if it involved money, would have resulted in quick and highly publicized prosecutions. The responsible people would have been held accountable, heads would have rolled and asses would have been hauled off to prisons for very long stays. Most importantly, the system would have been reformed to put sufficient checks and balances in place to prevent the recurrence of such incidents. This is the America we have read about, come to know and respect. The America which is exposed by this documentary is a country where the most important and sacred democratic process, namely the election, has been corrupted quite blatantly and absurdly.

It all starts simply enough : a 'grandmother' (the documentary mentions this more than once) and writer named Bev Harris from Seattle, sets out to find out why her county acquired electronic touch screen voting machines and if they are reliable enough. When she is not satisfied by the answers she gets from the officials, she tries to find out more. From there, through the course of the documentary, she manages to uncover a rot which spreads across the country, from coast to coast. But the remarkable thing is that, the story remains consistently simple through the entire 80 minutes of the documentary. There is no evil mastermind bad guy at work, there is no clever and complex conspiracy which is hard to detect, there is no ingenius and daring moves by the good guys to catch and expose the bad guys. There is not even the terrorism and violence that goes with election corruption and hijacking in some countries.

It is all so absurdly simple and silly : Bev Harris is not some lady James Bond or a hot-shot investigative journalist. She is just a regular lady from next door, who is running around the country, with a camera following her, asking questions and accepting help from whoever offers to help. All she has to do is search the Net to find the "secret" software code behind the voting systems, the code which is not even shared with the government, and is discovered to have a lot of security holes in it; all she has to do is dig through the garbage of election officials to discover how they are not following the processes and the regulations as they are supposed to; all she has to do is let loose a couple of techies on the new voting systems which were bought by the government for millions of dollars, and within a few minutes they show honkin' huge holes in the systems. Some of these systems do not even have password protection to the databases which store the count of votes. They show the most basic bugs and simplest hacks by which election results could be completely manipulated and changed. All this is done right in front of our eyes, on film. And this is the silly system which is used to elect local politicians to national ones, including the US President himself. This is the system which influences the fate of an entire nation, nay, nations, and changes the course of history itself!

It is amazing! I have spent the entire 10 years of my career taking care of software systems for American companies, systems which process people's monies, which do hundreds of thousands of financial transactions involving thousands of millions of dollars. I have seen how these systems account for every single cent of the thousands of millions of dollars they process. The transactions can be anything from simple arithmetic to complex billing and accounting, but not a single cent is lost. The only money that is usually lost in these systems is the money not paid by customers who go bankrupt or cannot be traced. Even this money is not technically lost. It is well-accounted for upto the last cent, collection actions are initiated and it is written-off only when it is deemed to be unrecoverable. These software systems are built by relatively modest teams, in the IT departments of American companies, and the vendors from whom they source their software systems and services. Countless such systems are used by banks and businesses across the country, quietly and efficiently processing mind-boggling amounts daily. I find it to be truly amazing that the world's greatest democracy is not able to get sufficiently robust and reliable systems to do the simple yet most important task of recording and tallying its votes.

The last two presidential elections in the US were controversial because of this very reason. There are many people who believe that George W Bush never truly won either election. Despite the questions and controversies hanging over the election of the president himself, not much has been done to improve the voting situation. As this documentary shows clearly, the system continues to be rotten. Is it because of corruption or the lack of political will? Or the fact that the general public is not very savvy about the whole issue? It is very important that every American watche this documentary and take action to ensure that his/her vote is recorded and counted right, and does not get thrown in the garbage or lost in the holes of half-baked computer systems.

Related link: Blackboxvoting.org, the non-profit organization started by Bev Harris.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Bengalooru! Bengalooru! Bengalooru!

Today, November 1st, is the Golden Jubilee of the formation of Karnataka state. This occasion is marked by the move to universally spell and pronounce the name of Karnataka's capital city Bangalore, as Bengalooru.

This has sparked a lot of comments and debates across the world and the cyberworld. On this occasion, I am presenting below some of the popular myths and realities surrounding this issue.


Myth: Bangalore to Bengalooru is a name change similar to Madras to Chennai or Bombay to Mumbai.

Reality: It is not really a name change like Bombay to Mumbai and Madras to Chennai. It is more of a spelling change to reflect the correct pronunciation. It is just an adoption of a more Indian, less anglicized pronunciation of the name, and the corresponding spelling.


Myth: This is a new idea which came from politicians and ministers, who are just out to gain political mileage.

Reality: The city has always been known as Bengalooru in all Kannada publications and in everyday talks among Kannadigas. The idea of universally using the pronounciation and spelling Bengalooru, starting from the golden jubilee anniversary of Karnataka state's formation, came from the well-known literary personality, Jnanapeetha award-winner, Dr U R Ananthamurthy. The idea became popular among the general Kannadiga public, and then was taken up by the government and politicians.


Myth: There is popular sentiment among most people against the "name change".

Reality: Among the grass-roots, "person on the street" Kannadigas in Bangalore and rest of the Karnataka state, this idea is very popular. Even among non-Kannadigas who were born and brought up in Bangalore, this idea is popular. Most of the people who oppose, especially the most vocal ones, are usually immigrant non-Kannadigas, who have little or nothing invested emotionally and culturally in Bangalore.


Myth: The "name change" costs a lot of money. Money which can be used to improve the infrastructure of Bangalore.

Reality: Any costs involved are one time only. The costs can be further minimized by continuing to use existing stationery until they are exhausted and using the new spelling only on new stationery. The money needed for this change is much less, compared to the costs of maintaining/improving the infrastructure of a city. For people who claim otherwise, here is a comparison: cost of stationery used in your house vs the cost of building, maintaining the infrastructure of your house. Understand the difference?


Myth: Bangalore is an international-sounding word. Bengalooru sounds "local", and so it is not good. So, 'changing over' will be awkward and difficult.

Reality: This is another illogical argument which sounds at first like it is logical. Bangalore is not an international word by itself. The city became internationally popular, mostly in just the past two decades - there is not a long history and attachment internationally to that name. For the true foreigners, especially people who just get to know the place, Bangalore is as strange and foreign-sounding as Bengalooru. It is relatively easy to change the pronunciation and spelling, especially because Bengalooru is pretty close to Bangalore. Even the international airport code BLR, need not be changed. When the world has adapted relatively easily to Mumbai, changing over to Bengalooru is no big deal.


Myth: Bangalore is a global brand. Changing the name now will adversely affect the brand.

Reality: This is another statement which seems to make sense, but really doesn't carry a lot of weight. Name changes happen as frequently in commercial branding as in other areas of life, and in business, they happen more ruthlessly. For me, AT&T is a name with history, known all over the world, for a very long time. I had never heard of Cingular. I am sure this is true of many more people. Yet, when Cingular took over AT&T's mobile phone business, the name change was immediately all-pervasive and very effective. Did that name change adversely affect the brand and the business? There are no signs which indicate that. For people who are already familiar with Bangalore, it will be business as usual in the future Bengalooru. They will continue to get the same advantage and benefits from the city, which made them go there for business in the first place. And for people who don't know the city yet, and who are future business prospects, it makes no difference at all. Future business deals will not be made or broken based on whether the city is called Bangalore or Bengalooru. Anyone who suggests otherwise is an idiot.


Myth: This is a big change, a big deal, a big issue. And it is all for nothing. It won't improve the infrastructure or conditions of the city.

Reality: NO! This is not a big change, as I have mentioned enough times already. Nor is it a big deal or a big issue. The expenses are relatively low and one time. Any awkwardness and inconvenience is also merely passing. Taking the longer perspective of time, after this small change, future generations will know the city as Bengalooru for decades and centuries to come. The past few decades of mispronunciation, starting from the British times, will just seem to be a passing phase compared to the longer history of the city. I think for the benefit of having my city's name pronounced properly for decades and centuries to come, by people around the world, it is all worth it. Imagine that you correct some foreigner when s/he mispronounces your name. Suppose s/he quips back, "Pronouncing your name correctly does not change the way you look or make you richer". Will that make any sense?


Myth: Blah! Blah! Blah!

Reality: Bengalooru! Bengalooru! Bengalooru!


Related post: Bangalore Vs Bengaluru

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A Case for Writing Right

Disclaimer 1 : I make no claims to being an expert in the English language, nor do I claim that my writing is perfect and free of errors. There are many rules of grammar and punctuation that I am not aware of. I am still learning.

Disclaimer 2 : Genuine typos and deliberately used acronyms (E.g.: LOL for 'laugh out loud') as well as short forms (E.g.: sms lingo) are out of scope for everything that is written below.


I suspect that people have always had difficulties with written English, with its non-phonetic spellings and probably the most complex punctuation rules among all languages. This difficulty has never been as obvious as it is today, in the era of Internet fora.

Online fora such as message boards and blogs enable anybody to type and publish stuff, which are almost instantly read by more eyes than was ever possible in human history. These writings need not go through any form of quality control such as editing and proof-reading. The result is that a person visiting a typical online forum can be exposed to more atrocious - qualitatively and quantitatively - spelling and grammar in a single day, than s/he might have come across in a whole month or even a year, in the pre-Internet days. Assuming, of course, that the person is an average reader, and not a magazine editor or an English teacher.

Most online fora have at least one spelling/grammar-nazi - you know, the person (mostly men, rarely women) who points out and corrects spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Reactions to such corrections range from mild irritation to outright hostility. The reactions are also normally accompanied by excuses.

Two of the most popular excuses are:

(i) "I was quite aware of my error when I was making it. I only made the error because this is an online forum. I would never make such errors in an official report or formal paper."

(ii) "Nobody cares about such things these days. It is not really important to be grammatically accurate and use correct spelling, especially not in my profession/office." This particular excuse, unfortunately, is most popular among techies. Most techies who give this excuse are at the non-management level.

These excuses are not just unacceptable, they are invalid.

Before I go further, it is worth repeating my earlier disclaimer: Genuine typos and deliberately used acronyms (E.g.: LOL for laugh out loud) as well as short forms (E.g.: sms lingo) are out of scope for everything that is written here.

"I was aware of the mistake. I did it only because this an online forum."
Sometimes this is an outright lie, and it is very obvious that the person who made the mistake was not aware of it at all, or else s/he would not have let it pass. Confusions in the usage of "there", "their" and "they're" as well as misuse of apostrophes come to mind. Other times, the person making this excuse is simply deceiving herself/himself. Think of formal writing as attending a formal event and informal writing as attending an informal event. For formal events, you may be formally dressed and for informal events you are informally dressed. However, if you are classy and decent, to neither event would you wear soiled or smelly clothes, nor clothes which are torn and expose your private body parts. In the same way, classy and educated people will not, all of a sudden, lose their sense of spelling and grammar just because they are writing in an informal forum. They would certainly not allow their own mistakes to pass uncorrected, if they were aware of them. Of course, there are always exceptions - one might deliberately use a certain style of writing, replete with errors, for a specific purpose. This is no different from someone who might dress outrageously for an event, in order to make a specific statement or create a certain impression. But those are exceptions.

"Nobody cares. Correct spelling/grammar is not important for my job."
This is a dangerous attitude/belief to have. It is akin to believing that how you dress to your workplace is not really important. Your office may not have a strict dress code, you may be allowed to dress casually daily, and nobody might question you if you were to dress badly. However, if you believe that people are not getting certain impressions about you and not forming opinions about you based on how you dress, you are absolutely wrong. It may or may not be fair to draw conclusions about people based on their dress, but it happens. Consciously or subconsciously, it happens. A similar thing happens with how we speak and write as well - it leaves impressions, causes people to judge us. In fact, how we write might leave a more lasting and widespread impression, because there is a paper or electronic trail. Also because emails might be forwarded far and wide, and online postings are seen and read by many people. If the analogy of dress does not convince you, think of speech. Imagine a person who speaks any language badly, with incorrect grammar, may be in a country bumpkin fashion. And then, imagine a person who speaks the same language cleanly and correctly. All other things being equal, who will leave a more favorable impression? Whom would you consider to be more capable, reliable? With whom would you prefer to trust your business and your money? The one with a better manner of speech, right? Believe me, the same thing happens when you write badly. Bad writing gives the impression of you being less educated and incapable.

There is a subtle trap here for people like Indians, for whom English is not the first language and is most often learnt only in schools and colleges. In most places in India, the very fact that a person speaks and writes English, might make him appear educated, a cut above an uneducated person. This would happen regardless of whether the person's English is grammatically correct or not. This might lull a person into a false sense of confidence that simply being able to write in English, however badly, is sufficient. The person might not realize that in a country like America and in online fora, his/her bad grammar and spelling might make him appear to be uneducated. Non-native English speakers must be careful about this.

Let's face it: the only person who can get away with bad dress, bad speech or bad writing is someone who is already extremely successful, powerful and/or beautiful. And even such people become the subject of ridicule and jokes, if their language skills are bad (Shrubbish.com). Unfortunately, the majority of us are not in that state of extreme exaltation. For us, it is important to dress, speak and write cleanly. We don't need to go to extremes or be experts. We don't need to dress like movie stars or write like professional writers. Just being able to write in simple sentences, free of spelling and grammatical errors should suffice. It is not easy to do that in a confusing language like English. But it is not too difficult either. Most often, it is merely a matter of reading more, learning better and being more aware while writing.

The most important reason for writing right is not just to create a favorable impression of ourselves to the reader, although that is important. The most important reason is simply to communicate right. Bad language and errors dilute and distract from the message which is sought to be communicated. Moreover, anything worth doing is worth doing well. An apt word used right in a well-constructed and error-free sentence is a thing of beauty worth striving for.

Related: Punctuation is Dying

Monday, September 18, 2006

Wounds of Love

Wounds of love are like a sexually transmitted disease (STD). They hurt our heart and soul deeply. Our hurting selves pass on the pain to the next person who has the misfortune to love us. Often, we pass it on with a carelessness and recklessness, that is similar to a diseased person passing on the STD virus. Like the virus, the hurt spreads from lover to lover, to their lovers and partners, and even to the kids who are born of such unions, in an ever widening circle which spans coast to coast, continent to continent, generation to generation.

It is tragic! So often, the victims to whom we pass on the hurt come to us simply because they love us and trust us. We embrace them with both arms, taking them close to our diseased heart, drawing sustenance from their pure love, and in return giving them a gift of pain, wounding their pure hearts and sending them on... Much like how we were wounded a long time ago, by people who were victims themselves.

Escaping from this cycle of getting hurt and passing on the hurt, is as tough as getting out of the cycle of birth and death, as elusive as Nirvana itself! I am not asking to escape. Right now, I will settle for simply not hurting anybody, anybody at all.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Londonstani - Book Review

Londonstani CoverJust finished reading Londonstani by Gautam Malkani. It is a novel, giving fascinating glimpses into the NRI (non-resident Indian) community in London, UK. Although it is a novel, I hope to god the author is not too off the mark in his portrayal of the NRI community because we, the general readers, can't help thinking of novels such as these as the real windows into a community of people.

I am more familiar with the NRI community in the US, particularly the young immigrants (not so affectionaly called FOBs, fresh off the boat), being one myself. So, I found it really interesting to read about the Indian community in the UK, the young kids and adult Indians who were born there, and their immigrant parents. The similarities and differences between the Indians in India, the UK and the US was indeed fascinating. I will not try to list here the similarities and differences I noticed, because that is not the point of this blog post. Moreover, your own list might vary significantly from mine. Nevertheless, I always like to read about contemporary Indians, wherever they are.

The main protagonist of Londonstani is Jas, who narrates the story in first person, using what is supposed to be London's desi slang, as his preferred language. The story is of Jas and his three friends, who are all somewhere close to 20 years of age. None of them are doing well in their studies, and just seem to be drifting along in life. They have a small cell-phone operation, which is not exactly legal. However, their small caper leads them into something unexpectedly big-time, before ending in a somewhat lame climax. En route, we get to witness immigrant life in London: the attitudes of the younger generation versus their parents, the relationship dynamics within families, the dynamics between the youth, influenced by their religion and gender, assimilation issues, identity and young manhood issues, etc. The story includes all the typical elements of an Indian movie: youthful mischief, budding romance, marriage, death, funeral, family fights, actual physical fights between guys and even a suave, intelligent villain who is as bad and manipulative as any movie villain. Despite all that, it is not really a typical Indian movie story.

I felt that the novel was a little slow in clearly establishing the identities and personalities of three of the four main characters. Hardjit, the Punjabi body-builder and wrestler, is the only character who gets assertively delineated early on. Even the main protagonist, Jas himself, takes some to come out of the fuzzy vision. May be that was deliberate and is in line with the personalities of the characters.

The writing is funny and witty, especially in its observation of the many unique characteristics and quirks of Indians, their attitudes, beliefs, their lives. However, there were many occasions when I was reading the book and I thought, "This is supposed to be funny, I should really be laughing hard at this, but why am I not?" I still don't know why I was not laughing hard, although I did chuckle and smile quite frequently. The description and explanations in the desi-ghetto slang, that too from a youthful perspective, was supposed to be half the fun. But may be it was this very slang which prevented me from fully empathizing with the narration and laughing hard, or may be it was something else. May be other readers might have indeed laughed harder. Nevertheless, I did get the feeling sometimes that the author was trying too hard to be funny or to make a point or to describe something.

In at least two chapters, the author uses a mixed-timeline narrative style. In the dance club chapter, the narration skips back and forth over events which take place on two consecutives evenings. Towards the end of that chapter, the back and forth switch between the two evenings is more rapid, until at the very end, they actually seem to blend together. (SPOILER WARNING: Rest of this paragraph!) In the funeral chapter, you think you are reading about events that took place at one point of time, but when you reach the end of the chapter, the author displays a sleight of hand, and you realize that you are actually reading about events which happened at least a couple of weeks later.

This unexpected sleight of hand by the author is again evident at the very end of the story, a surprising twist in almost the penultimate page. The climax is kind of lame, but the twist which follows, tilts the whole story a bit. I finished reading the novel late last night and the twist has still not fully sunk into my mind this afternoon. In many good novels which have a final twist in the tale, that last surprise causes the main piece or many pieces of the puzzle to fall in place, explains many things, and neatly ties up the story for us. The final twist in Londonstani is probably supposed to do that, but it has quite not done that for me. I don't know why that twist was necessary.

Despite the ending, Londonstani was an entertaining novel to read.

Did Apple patent MY 'Buddy' idea?

About 11 months ago, I had described a futuristic multi-functional device called a Buddy, on this very blog.

And today, I hear that Apple files a Multi-functional hand-held device patent application!

I am not arrogant enough to presume that Apple read my blog and then filed this patent. These days, it is not a big deal for anyone to dream up a multi-functional device. Convergence is the name of the game in consumer gadgets and technologies, and countless people all over the world are dreaming about it.

This takes us back to the patents debate, which is becoming increasingly loud and passionate in tech circles, especially among proponents of the open-source philosophy. When gadget-freaks all over the world are fantasizing about multi-functional devices, does Apple's patent of a generic idea of a multi-functional device make sense?

I confess that I have not perused Apple's actual patent filing. I have only gone through the above link which summarizes the patent. And I see nothing, nothing at all that is a specific patent-worthy idea. It sounds like Apple took a dream which millions across the world are having, and patented it as its own.

Granted that for millions of people across the world, it is just a pipe-dream. They don't have Apple's capabilities and resources to actually made such a device a reality. But is it fair to patent a dream, an idea which really belongs to thousands?

The most absurd thing about this patent? Fig 18 on the above page lists the multiple functionality of this newly patented device: PDA, cell, music, video, game, gps, remote, camera, handtop, other. Excuse me, but don't existing single devices already have most of the same functionality built into them? Can Apple simply take an existing device, add a couple more functionality to it and patent it as it's own? Can I take Apple's device, add an antenna-cum-fork-cum-toothbrush to it, and patent it as a brand new idea of my own?

What does this patent mean? Does this mean that none of the other thousands of dreamers will be allowed to build such a device because it will infringe on Apple's patent? If I had patented by Buddy idea, could I have prevented Apple from building such a device or sued them or licensed my idea out to them for millions of dollars?

I wish the US Patent & Trademark Office office were more diligent and used a little more common sense when rewarding patents. This is almost as absurd as patenting basmati rice.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

What we like in women...

Following are the characters which make a woman (or even men) attractive:

1. Healthy.
2. Happy.
3. Active, spirited, enthusiastic (in other words, yes, feisty).
4. Usually organized and collected (as opposed to being scattered).
5. Talk straight, true and simple (as opposed to convoluted, fake and complex).
6. Passionate about something nice (arts, music, cuisine, sex, environment, sports, literature).
7. Articulate and erudite.
8. Classy (includes having good taste, not talking too much or too loud, not getting into cheap stuff - including cheap articles, cheap people, cheap discussions, being understated).

Stuff like beauty and intelligence come MUCH later, down the line... although, it takes a certain degree of intelligence to satisfy criteria 1 through 8.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Vegetarian Logic

No. of Pizza Lunch meeting attendees: 11
No. of Indians (assume non-pepperoni eaters): 4
No. of others: 6 White Americans + 1 Oriental Type
No. of people who did not eat anything: 1 Indian + 2 White Americans = 3
No. of people who did eat: 8
No. of confirmed non-vegetarians: At least 4 (including 2 Indians), probably more.
No. of confirmed vegetarians: At least 1 (Myself)
No. of pizzas ordered: 2 Pepperoni, 1 Chicken, 1 Veg
No. of pizzas left at the end of the meeting: 1 pepperoni, 80% of chicken
No. of tummies with a hollow space where there should have been food: At least 1.

No. of conclusions: 3
1. Ratio of vegetarian to non-vegetarian food consumed is ALWAYS GREATER than the ratio of vegetarians to non-vegetarians. (Unless your non-vegetarian guests are all cats and your vegetarian guests are all horses!)
2. Vegetarians eat vegetarian food only. Non-vegetarians eat both vegetarian AND non-vegetarian food.
3. At least 50% of a non-vegetarian's lunch or dinner is made of vegetarian items. This number could be even higher if all your non-vegetarian guests are Indians.

No. of lessons: 1
When ordering food for a group, order enough non-vegetarian food for the non-vegetarians. Then, order enough vegetarian food for 100% of the vegetarians PLUS at least 50% of the non-vegetarians.

Background (with prediction!):
Vegetarians get the stepmotherly treatment again!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Ashland Sundance Festival - Aug 9th-14th, 2003

I was going through some of my old emails today and came across this amazing report I had made in late August 2003, when I used to live in Portland, Oregon. It is a report on the Native American Sundance Festival which takes place every year in Ashland, Oregon. I was not a blogger during those days. So, here's the report, being blogged after three years!




Following is a report of the Sundance festival I was fortunate to attend from Aug 9th through Aug 14th, 2003. I hope I have not made any mistakes in action or description. If I have, it's my own ignorance to be blamed. What follows is to a large extent, objective and factual. The subjective feelings and impressions are hard to describe in words. Some experiences are not to be described; they are to be experienced and assimilated into our Spirit.

Sundance Introduction - Special Invitation:

In the Hindu religion, we have big ceremonies called yaagas and yagnyas. A yagnya may be loosely translated as a ritualistic sacrifice. The central practice in these ceremonies is the offering of gifts to the gods through the sacred fire. There are also other special rituals like japa (chant), puja (ritualistic worship of the deity), etc. as part of a yagnya.

The Sundance festival is the Native American equivalent of an important yagnya. In this festival, the sacrifice is not of any external material gifts. It is of human energy, devotion, prayer, pain and some flesh, skin and blood. The Sundance festival takes place every summer, at locations across North America, celebrated by various Native groups. It started as a festival of the Lakota tribe. The Lakota believed that the most important material posession of the humans is the human body, and the Sundance festival is a ceremonial offering of the body to God, to Spirit.

Recently, I had a rare opportunity to participate in a Sundance festival near Ashland, in Oregon. I was invited to the festival by Linda, whom I met through mutual friends. Linda is the wife of a Native American elder. She emailed me one day telling me that every year she gets a vision of one person to invite to the Sundance festival at Ashland, and this year the vision was to invite me. Linda had met me only twice, when she sent me the mail. Linda and her husband Rod have a very important role in organizing and conducting the Ashland Sundance. I felt honored to be invited, and immediately agreed to participate as a supporter of the Sundancers. I had vaguely heard of the Sundance Festival before and was very curious.

Sundance Campgrounds - Alternate culture:

I had to drive about 5 hours South to Ashland, and then drive up 10 miles of a not-so-good, narrow, rocky, dusty winding mountain road to reach the Sundance campground. These last 10 bad miles of the road took nearly 45 minutes to drive! The campground was located in the woods, high up in one of the mountains near Ashland. Stepping into the Sundance campgrounds, up in the mountains, was like stepping into another culture. The campgrounds were uneven, with many kinds of mountainous trees all around (pines, cedars, firs). It was a beautiful calm location. Tents of different shapes and sizes, were scattered all over the place. The people at the camp looked like how I have come to expect groups with alternate beliefs and practices to look in the US. Among men, many with long hair and beards of all shapes and sizes. Women often having long, loose hair too. Many people with colorful and flowing and loose clothes, while others wore the normal casual wear. Camp rules said all men should wear full pants. Women were not supposed to wear pants. Both men and women were forbidden from wearing shorts or shirts/blouses with no sleeves. There were people of all ages. I even saw a cat, 3 dogs, few puppies. One of the dogs was a huge beast named Gus, the kind used to pull snow sledges in Alaska. He was very gentle and friendly. Unfortunately, he was so huge that he was not permitted to stay in the camp. He was tied at a security post about two miles downhill from the camp. Native American culture gives a lot of importance to respect - respect to elders, to youngsters, to each other, to all animals and plants and surrounding environment, the Earth, the Sun, Moon, stars, to everything. And this sense of respect and warm friendliness was very prevalent in the camp. The men frequently addressed each other as "brother". It was indeed like being in an alternate culture.

Sundance Campgrounds - Camp life:

Imagine this: You are curled up in a deep sleep, in your sleeping bag, inside a tent, up in the mountains. You are woken up between 6 and 6:30 by sounds of melodious Native prayer songs, with drums. You stumble out of your tent and find a group of people who are going round the camp singing these songs to wake up everyone. The air is cool. All around you there are signs of the camp and the natural environment waking up. You walk sleepily towards the portable toilets (portapotties), being greeted by smiling people. You come out and stumble towards your camp kitchen area, greeting more smiling people. The kitchen area is full with breads, bagels, granola, cereals, fruits, assorted fruit juices, milk, soy milk, rice milk, coffee, butter, jam, peanut butter, even oat meal and muffins on a couple of days. This is how every morning began in the camp.

The whole campground had different small camps. Each camp was comprised of a set of people sleeping in tents. I shared a tent with Jack, another mutual friend of Rod and Linda. Jack's wife was one of the Sundancers. Our tent was part of Linda and Rod's camp, which was located right in the middle of the campgrounds. It was one of the larger camps with around 20 people. We jokingly called it Grand Central Station. Most people who passed by stopped to talk to people in our camp, share food, etc. Our camp was very nicely arranged. There was a central kitchen area with tables, cupboard, big propane stove, assorted coolers, water tanks, and garbage bag. There was a sheltered seating place with campchairs. There were our tents scattered around. There were 3-4 portable toilets rented by people in our camp. Most of us in the camp were from Portland area. There was one family from California, and a couple of young people from Eugene in Oregon and Maryland on the East Coast. The celebri!
ties of our camp were a family from Ecuador. Linda, Rod and their friends had visited Ecuador several months earlier and they had become friendly with a shaman family there. (Shamans are native priests or medicine wo/men). The Mammallacta (pronounced maama-yaacta) shaman family consisted of a son in his late 20's or early 30's and his parents (Kasimiro and Margarita). Everybody in the campground knew about them and wanted to meet them and talk to them. Conversation was not easy because the older Mammallactas only knew their native language Quechua. Their son also knew Spanish and some rudimentary English. I sat in one discussion where the older Mammallactas addressed everyone in Quechua, their son translated it to Spanish and somebody else translated the Spanish to English. Whew! It was slow and tedious. But they were a charming family, liked by everyone. We had worked out a system in which different people signed up to make breakfast and/or dinner for everyone in our camp (over 20 people) on different days. The bonding of shared food was fun. Often we ended up doing lunch also that way. Our camp fed not only our camp members, but also the extended community of guests and the women in the Moonlodge (an area where menstruating women spent their time, set apart and away from the main camp). There was no supply of running water or stream or lake close to the camp. There was a water buffalo (4 big water tanks) sitting on a trailer. That, along with the water all of us had taken with us, seemed to be enough for the whole camp of 200 or more people.

There was always a tin pot with hot coals at camp gates and at entrances to ritual areas. These pots were used to make smoke of sage or cedar to smudge, before entering the camp or the ritual areas. Smudging or letting the smoke brush across our face and body is a cleansing ritual. All cars and people coming into camp were smudged. There was also a community sweatlodge for everyone in general, and two more sweatlodges for the Sundancers and others who directly participated in the ceremonies. A Sweatlodge is a low, dark hut with a small shallow pit in the middle. Hot stones are placed in the pit, the door of the hut is closed making it totally dark inside, people sit around the red hot stones, water is poured over them to create steam. It gets very very hot inside the hut and everyone sings and prays and HOT sweat pours out of every pore in the body. It's a purification ceremony for body, mind and spirit. Everyone who came into camp had to purify themselves at the Sweatlodge before participating in any ceremony. The "Sweats" at the Sundance were not the full 4 rounds of a normal Sweatlodge ceremony. It was just one ritualistic round, which everyone referred to as a "brush-off". Every morning and evening, there were rounds of brush-offs for men and women. In the absence of shower and bath, some of us went almost daily to the Sweatlodge to cleanse ourselves. It was a great experience. The actual complete Sweatlodge Ceremony is an AWESOME experience that everyone has to go through at least once in life.

There were also some common camp duties - standing guard at the gates, keeping the fire alive 24 hours a day near the sweatlodges, keeping the smudge pots alive with hot charcoal 24 hours. I did security work from midnight to 7 AM on one of the nights, at the front post, about 2 miles downhill from the camp, where Gus the giant dog was tied. A guy who manned the same post the next day saw a bear!

One of the characteristics of the camp was the humor all round. Most of the people took every opportunity to joke, make fun, be a smart ass, tickle each other. They did it in all places and at all times, even during solemn rituals and ceremonies. The Sundance festival by nature is an intense ceremony. The humor was needed and was very welcome for everyone.

The obvious warmth and respect of people for each other, the humor and the sense of being there together for an intense and sacred common purpose brought the 200+ people in the camp together in a special bond. Throughout my stay in the camp, from the time I set foot to the time I got out, this special bond was felt at all times. It was a very special sacred thing not experienced in any other camp I have been in.

Sundance Festival - The Ceremony:

The Sundance festival takes place over almost 10 days. The first 5 days are purification days when the Sundancers and other direct participants go through various purification and preparatory activities. As a supporter, I did not have to go through the purification days. I went to the Sundance camp on the evening of the last of the purification day. The next day was Tree Day when a group of people drove down the mountain to the woods below, to cut and bring a big cottonwood tree. It was about 20 feet tall, driven up the mountain and carried on shoulders of dozens of men to the dance area. It was the Sacred Tree of Life. The Tree was held up on wooden supports while everyone tied prayer ties all over the tree. Prayer ties are small pieces of colored cloth tied around some tobacco with a prayer. (Native Americans consider tobacco to be an important and sacred offering.) Then, people tied up ropes to the upper part of the Tree. And then, the Tree was planted in the middle of th!
e dance ground. The Sundancers went on to make more preparations for their dance, while the rest of us hung around camp and waited for the next day.

The next four days were dance days. During these four days, people who have committed to dance, undergo fasting with no food or drink. Someone told me that they drink a tiny bit of sacred water just before going to sleep every evening. They dance in the open dance area, around the Tree, for four rounds daily. The dance area is a large circle marked by stones and prayer ties around the Tree. It's a sacred area into which everyone is not allowed. The dancers dancer within the circle, while the supporters stand around the circle and sing and drum and dance along with the dancers. The supporters hold the energy for the dancers. The supporters encourage the dancers. There are breaks of 1-2 hours between rounds, when the dancers rest in shade, and the supporters go off to eat, drink, rest. All the men dancers wear red sarongs or dhotis and no shirts. All the women wear colorful dresses, some of which were quite grand and beautiful. The dancers hold a bird wing (usually eagle feathers) in the right hand and a long smoking pipe in the left. All the men dancers wear eagle feathers on their heads, above their ears on each side. The dance starts in the morning with all the dancers standing in rows, within the circle, facing East. For this round in the morning, they allow small babies, kids and their parents from among the supporters to go inside the circle and stand in a row. The kids are brought in to enthuse the dancers. Behind this row of kids, we have the rows of male dancers and behind them, rows of women dancers. They look like sacred soldiers standing in a parade. Their clothes and birds' wings and pipes in their hands and feathers on their heads make an awesome impression.

Early the first day, about 12 men got pierced on their chest. They are pierced with two bone or wooden pieces on each side on their chest, and they tie themselves to the Tree with ropes, through their piercing. These dancers stay with the tree throughout the days of the dance, even during breaks. They leave the tree only at night, by untying themselves. The piercing is part of the ritual of pain. During the rest of the day and the remaining days of dancing, other people too get pierced and tied to the Tree, but they breakoff at the end of the day. They don't just untie themselves from the tree; they snap the ties by jerking their bodies. The original 12 dancers untie themselves at the end of the first 3 days, but on the 4th day, they too jerk away and break-off.

People also go through other forms of pain. They pierce themselves in the back and drag a line of 6 or so buffalo skulls tied together, around the dance circle. It is a painful experience, painful even to watch. It is an intense ritual. I was told that dragging the buffalo skulls was a prayer for the younger people and children. It is common for the heavy buffalo skulls to break-off the ropes tied to the dancer's pierced back when he is walking around the circle. However, I saw some people for whom the skulls did not snap the ropes even after two rounds around the circle. If the skulls have not detached on their own at the end of the rounds, children are made to sit on the skulls and the dancer attempts to drag them. Invariably, the weight of the children causes the ropes to break away.

There were also 3-4 people who tried to hang from the tree by the piercings on their chest or backs. As soon as the weight of the person dragged the rope, the rope would break away. However, I saw one person who was hanging from his back for whom the rope did not breakaway. Even when he tried to swing and wriggle around, it did not break. Finally, he had to hold the rope and climb himself up a little bit and let go abruptly to snap the ties to his piercings.

The most intense of all was a guy who had knee surgeries about 2 weeks before. He was not a 4-day sundancer, but he was one of the priests in the rituals. He decided to get pierced and drag the buffalo skulls. He had a very tough time dragging them with his painful knees, but he completed 2 rounds dragging them. Quite a few people were moved to tears watching his suffering.

There were also some women who pierced their upper arms and tied feathers to them. One woman got 16 piercings, 8 on each arm. She was standing when they started to pierce her. Half-way through she collapsed.

In cultures across the world, offering things of value is a form of prayer. What the Sundancers were doing by fasting for 4 days and getting pierced was to make a very personal offering of physical energy and pain and blood as prayer. It is not a very easy thing to do. We, the supporters, who were well-fed and well-rested, cannot even imagine the pains of the Sundancers, unless we have danced before ourselves. But it did touch us, it did move us to see them go through their difficult periods. For me, the most difficult things to watch were not the piercings or the dragging of buffalo skulls with piercings or hanging from the tree through the piercings. These WERE difficult to watch, but there was also a certain adrenaline induced excitement and immunity when watching these more obvious forms of pain. What touched me most was to watch dancers when they struggled to simply stand there and move, because they were too tired with hunger and thirst. It was a more permanent pain of fatigue, and all I could do was send out support from my heart to them, silently encouraging them to hang-on, to hold-on, to stay.

Supporters have a chance to offer their own pain and blood and flesh. One of the priests facilitates this in a small enclosed space outside the dance circle. He uses a pin and a surgical blade to take away match-head sized pieces of skin from the upper arms of people who want to make the offering. The skin that is so cut away is tied up in a prayer tie and offered to God, to Spirit. I offered 3 pieces of my skin. My pain was not more than getting an injection. But this symbolic personal pain was amazingly helpful in feeling a connection to the suffering dancers, to empathize with their pain, at least to a tiny extent.

Towards the end of some rounds of dancing, the people conducting the ceremonies selected a few (2-6) female Sundancers and an equal number of supporters. And then, the Sundancers ceremoniously offered the Sacred Pipes with which they were dancing, to the supporters. The supporters took the pipe to their family and friends, smoked it in a circle and returned it ceremoniously to the sundancers. Once I was chosen to receive the Chanupa (the Sacred Pipe). And a few other times, I was also invited to smoke in other people's circles. It is a special thing in Native ceremony to be offered a Pipe and I felt honored.

One of the last rounds of the dance was the healing round. In this round, all of us supporters were allowed to enter the dance circle, to touch the tree and to come out. All the Sundancers stood in rows on either side of us as we walked from the west side of the dance circle, touched and prayed at the tree and walked out from the south side of the circle. The dancers standing on either side of us waved their wings at us, touching and patting us in gestures of blessing, to heal us. That physical contact with the dancers was a touching experience - no pun intended. It must have been very trying for the dancers to just stand their in the sun, close to the end of their 4-day ordeal, while a couple of hundred people walked past them. It must have taken a lot of effort to hold up their wings and fan us and touch us and bless us. They did it cheerfully and with obvious love, love towards strangers, friends and families alike.

Sundance - The Aftermath:

At the end of the dancing rounds on the 4th day, the 12 original dancers who were tied to the tree through the 4 days of the Sundance, snapped off amidst loud cheering. After a few more formalities, it was all over. The dancing circle was broken, the "eagles had flown". There was a huge rush of families and friends going upto their Sundancers. And everyone took water and juice and energy drinks and fruits. It was a touching moment. I was walking around offering everyone blueberries from a box. Most of the Sundancers grabbed handfuls of the berries and thanked me as if I was doing a big service. One of them thanked me with more affection and introduced me to his wife, as the person who had helped him put his prayer ties on the Tree on Tree day. I had helped plant the Tree 4 day earlier and just before planting it, I had helped several people tie their prayer ties around the Tree. Little did I know then that those people were all Sundancers and that I was helping them in an important ritual in their ceremony.

The dance ended sometime in later afternoon of the 4th day. And then in the early evening, there was something called the give-away. Sundancing is a 4 year commitment. People who decide to dance, have to do so for 4 continuous summers. After their 4 year commitment is over, they give away gifts to people at the Sundance. It is a fun tradition. Some of the people had brought whole truckful of gifts of used and new items. I got some nice and useful gifts.

And then, there is the Feast. The fourth day of the dance is known as the Feast day. Everyone in the camp brings a dish to the common potluck. There was a big lineup of over 50 dishes of various kinds, with almost 300 people sharing it. It was a huge, warm and touching party to end the festival.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Red Carpet - Book Review

Read Lavanya Sankaran's The Red Carpet - Bangalore Stories recently. It is a collection of short stories, all of them set in Bangalore.

It is only incidental that the stories take place in Bangalore. They might as well have taken place in any big city of South India, or for that matter, even the North. Most of the stories, except for the title story The Red Carpet itself, are about Tamil Brahmin (Tambram) Iyer families. As such the stories are more about contemporary Tambrams, than about anything to do with Bangalore.

The occasional appearance of Kannada words and phrases in the stories seemed contrived, where as, the Tamil words seemed to blend in nicely. In fact, one of the Kannada phrases was not even grammatically correct. If you belong to an upper middleclass non-Kannadiga family in Bangalore, it is quite possible for you to grow up in Bangalore without really becoming fluent in the local Kannada language.** I suspect the author Lavanya Sankaran might be one of those.

The stories themselves are very well written. They effortlessly pull the reader into the lives of the characters. I found myself empathizing with the hopes and dreams and pains and fears of the characters even before reading through the first page of each story. For me, the most touching story was "Mysore Coffee", about Sita, a working girl who is haunted by childhood memories of her father's suicide. She is brilliant at her work, but not very savvy in communicating with colleagues. As such, others end up taking credit for all her hard work. Although I could empathize with the character Sita, I could never understand how (Spoiler Warning - don't read the rest of this paragraph if you don't want to know what happens at the end of the story) someone would rather think of destroying all their hardwork and even contemplate suicide, than speak up in the office. Strange!

Another great thing about this book was, to read about characters who are so similar to my own self. The state of contemporary Indian literature (and TV, movies) is that, we hardly ever get to read (or watch) about characters who are similar to us - average, young, educated, working people, around the age of 30 (give or take a few years), straddling Indian family traditions and values, the influence of Western cultures and ethics, combined with the unavoidable exposure to the global economy, whether we are living in India or the US or elsewhere. It was a refreshing change to be able to read about such characters in this book. I guess that is a big part of the reason why I could so easily empathize with all the characters.

I found the stories to be sincerely written - nothing pretentious or artificial about them. There was certainly nothing in the stories which seemed to be packaged as exotic Indian fare for the foreign audience. These are the times when many writers and movie-makers are using the Indian themes to target foreign and/or NRI audiences. We should commend Lavanya Sankaran for not succumbing to that trap.

A highly recommended book.



**Yes, it is quite possible to grow up in Bangalore and not really learn Kannada. At home, you'd speak your own mother tongue; at school and work, you'd speak English (and a little Hindi, and even your own mother tongue if ran into others who knew it); with the other essential services people like shopkeepers, etc. you can speak English, Hindi, your own mother tongue (especially if it happens to be Tamil or Telugu) and a smattering of broken Kannada; most of your Kannadiga friends will also be nice enough to talk to you in English, Hindi or your own mother tongue (if they know it), before they attempt to talk to you in Kannada.