The Sleep Goddess's Blessed Child

Posted on February 12, 2004 23:54 PM EST

If there is one thing about me that I cannot absolutely control, it is sleep. If my body needs to sleep, it will sleep. Period. No matter where I am, what I am doing. The only thing that can keep me from sleeping is cold. Hate it.

I am envious of animals for the many simplicities of their lives. But the one thing that I am most envious about them is their freedom to sleep just about whenever they want to. They are totally in sync with their bodies. Not tied to some artificial clock.

Without further ado, here are a list of places I have fallen asleep in. Contrary to the light tone of this piece, I am not proud of this list.

1. Classrooms. Of course. Not just in school or college classrooms. Even in my company's training rooms. During one multi-day training, the instructor got so used to my daily post-lunch naps, on one occasion he exclaimed in front of the whole class with an amused and resigned smile on his face, "So, Swami is doing his usual work now!"

2. At my office desk. Of course again. Not just in my own company's office desk. Even in client companies. I have dozed off in the middle of typing an email or editing a program. Othertimes, I have dropped my head on the desk, tucked in my arms and simply dozed off. Nobody has objected... yet!

3. Meetings. Of course yet again. I have dozed off in meetings. Even in clients' organizations. Even in a technical review meeting with just 3 people, including myself. People have been extremely sportive about it. Absolutely hate meetings within 90 minutes after lunch.

4. In the middle of dinner. If this happened at home, my mom would take my plate, feed me with her own hand, and send me off to sleep. Ah, mom!

5. In front of the TV. Someone would wake up early in the morning and find that I had dozed off with the TV on the whole night!

6. At the movies. Simple. Dark place. Boring or not so boring movie. Doze off.

7. While on the phone or Net, chatting with friends. More than one gal has been frustrated and angry. Sorry, babes!

8. While driving. Ridiculous. Dangerous. Stupid. I dozed off the very first time I was driving in the US. The car almost ran into the other lane when my friend, who was teaching me the nuances of driving in the US, squealed. I corrected at once. To this day he does not know I dozed off. Thinks I just lost the steering balance. I have dozed off on other occasions while driving. By some strange coincidence, everytime I have to go on a long drive, it so happens that I've had little sleep the previous night. Stopped at rest areas on many occasions to take a nap and then drive on. I had this one girlfriend who lived 40 miles away. If I stayed over at her home and we stayed up late (as it happened often!), I would have to drive back home early in the morning to get ready for work. It's that time of the day when sleep is best and hard to resist. We had an agreement that as soon as I reached home, I would leave her a message that I had reached safely. Else, she should panic and raise the alarm. Crore thanks to Tirupati Edukondalavada that I am anti-accident prone!

9. Falling asleep while making out. Yeah. Unlike most men, I am not the kind who falls asleep immediately after I have had my pleasure. If I get into the act, I do my part for my hunni. It's the foreplay time when I am most vulnerable. On long, tiring days, I have been known to fall asleep during the foreplay, right in mid-kiss, mid-squeeze or mid-sweet-nothing. Frustrating for my hunni. Sorry, hunni!

10. Surprisingly, dozing off while driving or during foreplay is not my worst yet. My worst is falling asleep while on a last date! Oh, mama! How could I do that? I did. For reasons I can't go into here, it was supposed to be my last date with this sweet sweet friend. We went back to her home after dinner, sat on the couch, she was in my arms, head on my shoulder, and then I dozed off! No last sweet words. No last hugs and kisses. No nostalgic reminiscences. Hers truly, Sleepy-head Swami, just dozed off! She was so sweet and good and understanding, after I woke up, she sent me home with a hug and a kiss. Fortunately, things took a different turn and it ended up not being our last date, after all. In fact, we went on to enjoy a deeper and sweeter relationship. Warm hugs and kisses to my sweetie!

List not complete...

PS: There are a few friends who have suggested that my tendency to sleep might be a medical syndrome that needs treatment. I think not. Simply because everytime I have fallen asleep like that, I have usually been up too late the previous night for whatever reason and/or I have just had a filling lunch/dinner.