Three Touching Love Stories

Last weekend, when sitting and drinking with friends, I came across three amazing and touching love stories. All three are real stories. I hope to god that the characters involved do not mind my retelling those stories here. I am doing this with the best intentions of sharing something that truly touched me. Not to pass judgment or made adverse comments about anybody. So, help me god.

Respect for Love

The first story is almost straight out of the movie Kaadhalukku Mariyaadai, but without the happy ending. The title literally means, "Respect for Love". The guy - we shall call him Mr A - has known the girl for almost 10 years, since his college days. They have been together as gf-bf (girlfriend-boyfriend) for almost 8 years. They had committed to spend their entire lives together. But there was a problem - they were both from different religions, and for this reason alone, their relationship was totally unacceptable to both sets of parents. They tried a lot to convince the parents, to no avail. Now, Mr A and his gf had two choices:

1. Bow down to their parents' wishes and break off their relationship.
2. Ignore their parents feelings and get married anyway.

A couple of months or so ago, Mr A went to India, hoping to convince both sets of parents and get married to his gf. He is back now, and he tells me that his gf and him have chosen option 1. They have decided to break their relationship, and not get married to each other.

I can't believe it. I don't understand why they would do that. Clearly, the parents were being old-fashioned and illogical. This is no reason to break a truly loving relationship. How could any parents be so cruel to such young, idealistic love? Moreover, in every case that I have seen of people getting married against their parents' wishes, the parents eventually come round to accepting the relationship... a few months or years after the wedding. That is almost surely bound to happen with Mr A and his gf's parents also. So, they should not break the relationship. They should get married, regardless of what their parents thought. That was my thinking.

Mr A thought differently. He says that their parents might eventually accept their relationship outwardly, in appearance, in the presence of their kids. But privately, they would never fully accept it. He has seen his parents' friends, whose children have married against their wishes. Outwardly they seem to accept their children's decisions, but in the private company of close friends, they regret, grieve and cry over it. He says he does not want his parents to go through such an experience themselves, to spend their whole life never accepting his decision and grieving privately.

I was so amazed and touched by his way of thinking. I'd myself have never thought that way. I'd never have let anyone come in the way of my true love and myself, no matter what the cost. But then, I say that because I know how tough and painful it is to find true love, to find that one person with whom you want to spend all your life, and who feels the same way towards you. I know how hurtful it is to go through a lifetime of hits and misses. Perhaps, Mr A has not had such experiences, and so he is able to give up his dreams of spending a lifetime with his love.

Whatever the case may be, there is no denying the fact that Mr A has shown great maturity at such a young age (28 years), so much respect and consideration for his parents' love and feelings... more respect and consideration, in fact, than they have shown for his love and feelings.

Commitment for Love

The second story is of Mr B. He is married. He did not have a love marriage. His was an arranged marriage. He was introduced to his wife and got to know her over a couple of months of phone, email and chat conversations, while he worked in the US and she lived in India. Having not known her in person at all, he went to India, got married to her and brought her back with him. He tells me that it took fully two years for his wife and himself to reach a certain state of steady compatibility in their relationship. Those two years were a period of much puzzlement, pain and frustration. He desperately asked himself, "Why me?"

Indeed, why him? I know him as one of the most reasonable, easy-going and flexible people. He does not normally get into petty issues or ego clashes with people. I just cannot imagine him having conflicts with anybody, let alone with a woman, and that too his own wife. This is not to imply that one or the other person should be blamed for the conflicts. For whatever reasons to which we are not privy, conflicts happen. I know that between couples who are close together, it is often not possible to blame one or the other person. Their very closeness becomes an infinite feedback loop which can blow-up small differences into big conflicts, and with everyone losing track of where it all began.

Mr B went through all the conflicts and pains with commitment and tenacity, to reach a steady state at the end of two years. He mentioned talking about his problems with his dad and asking why things should be this way. His dad told him, "My son, this is life!"

Such a simple statement. But it amazed and touch me. For, there is so much meaning in it.

There are two ways of living:

1. There is the materialistic, consumerist way. Here, a person is constantly on the look-out to replace what s/he already has, with something better (a newer and better model of car, for example), and to constantly add more things into her/his life (the latest gadgets, anybody?). S/he is never fully content with what s/he has and thinks the way to happiness is to get newer, better and more things.
2. The other way is to accumulate a certain level of essential and important things, and after that, concentrating on living and experiencing life. Here, the person finds contentment and happiness in what s/he has achieved. S/he seeks fuller, deeper and more meaningful experiences, instead of a never-ending pursuit of discontent.

I think that when Mr B's dad said, "My son, this is life", he was alluding to the second manner of living above. A relationship is not something to be sought and exchanged and accumulated over and over again like material things. No. That is a bad way of going about a relationship. The right way is to find somebody who matches our basic, most important expectations and principles, and then commit to them and experience life in that commitment, come what may. This is what our parents, their parents and our culture teaches us. We don't give up on a relationship or on the most important person in our lives, in the face of difficulties. No. We remain committed and devoted to each other, and we navigate the storms together. We discover and experience more of each other, we let our relationship and love grow stronger. This is what Mr B is doing. This is the profound learning I get from his life and his father's words passed on to me second-hand.

Honor and Healing for Love

The third story, that of Mr C, is as foolish as it is touching. Mr C was on the lookout for true love all his life. He set out on his path with much hopes, dreams and idealism. I have seen people similarly setout to make money and to become successful in life. I have seen how sometimes, in their quest to make more and more money, they cross the line between right and wrong. They fool and deceive themselves, thinking it is just a small step across the line, not too far away from the right side. Or, thinking that it is just a temporary step and they will be back on the right side pretty soon. Eventually, they lose sight of the line, lose their honor and idealism. Worse, such a path never really pays back, and they end up losing more than they ever gained. Something similar happened to Mr C on his quest for true love. He crossed the line one too many times and lost his soul, and he did not even know it.

So, when Mr C did eventually run into his true love, he was not ready at all. Oh, he recognized her as his true love alright. And, he thought he was ready for her and for true love to fill his heart and life. But he was not ready at all. He had been more ready in his younger days, when he was naive, than he was when he met her, after all his experiences. The result was disastrous. He had lost the faith, idealism, generosity and wonder which are needed to nurture and grow love. Instead, he had selfishness, fear, calculative mindset and something he termed as 'practicality' - all of which would harm love, as surely as weed-killer sprayed on a young hibiscus bush.

So, Mr C was not able to please, honor and cherish the love of his life like he should have. Instead, he hurt her, insulted her, harmed her. He rebuffed her sweet, youthful advances, denied her naive requests, disrespected her feelings. He lied and he cheated. He broke her heart and shattered her mind. He hurt her health and life. The love and passion which had started to rise in her heart like a young Sun was eclipsed by his darkness. She lost the respect and honor she had for him. The infinite feedback loop of love ensured that all that hurt and darkness that flowed from him to her, came right back to him, bringing darkness to his heart and life too.

Now, after all the damage has been done, Mr C realizes his foolishness and his blunders. He knows that he tried to give up the path of true love, in favor of the path of ease and comfort, and that was a big mistake. He has learnt how he lost his honor and soul. He regrets kicking away the love of his life and causing great hurt. He has resolved to do things right, no matter how tough and hurtful it is. He is not willing to accept any other easy paths in life. In fact, he is unable to accept other paths, despite having the choice and opportunity to do so. He has committed himself to the path of true love. But how to heal such deep hurt? How to bring back honor which was lost so badly? How to help the Sun of love and passion rise bright and strong? He does not know. Nor do I know what to tell him - except to let go, and let love.