Information Vs Knowledge

Question: What is the difference between information and knowledge?

Answer:
Information is the mundane and factual. Knowledge is the profound, the deep and the holistic.

Information is merely the external defined relationship - be it as a gf-bf or a husband and wife. Knowledge is the deep shared love, the awareness of each others moods, the connected empathy, the intimate familiarity with each others scents, the feel of the different parts of each others bodies - the vast foundation of which the external relationship is merely a limited feature or symptom.

Like love which can spill across the defined boundaries of relationships, knowledge can spill over the limits of discrete bits of information.

Handling One-sided Love

It happens to all of us at one time or the other: we fall in love with someone who does not love us back the same way as we love them. one-sided love. Unreturned love. Unreciprocated love.

One day you are innocently living your own life. The next day, you start to notice this cute person at school / work, or this charming new person in your social circle, or you befriend this person online who seems to be very interesting, or you start to date somebody to whom you are very attracted. At first it is just this admiring attraction you feel, that you are barely aware of yourself. Then, there comes a moment when you realize that you are hopelessly in love with them, and have been so for the past few days / weeks. One-sided love is like that... it has the nasty habit of creeping up on you unexpectedly.

Regardless of how it starts, one-sided love is one of the most painful experiences to go through. The pain is especially great when it is first love. One of the cruel realities of human life is that for most people, first love is indeed one-sided love.

Love happens. It is extremely hard to consciously choose with whom, when and how you fall in love. So, it is almost impossible to avoid one-sided love. Falling in that trap is in itself very bad and very sad. But it is what you do after the fall that's important. Unfortunately, it is far too easy to do things which compound matters more and cause the pain to be far greater than it needs to be.

One-sided love is my old friend. I have been on both sides of the equation. I have experienced the pain, difficulties and discomfort of the one who fell in love and did not find it reciprocated. And I have noted with surprise and much misery that being the object of one-sided love can be an equally painful experience, if not worse. I have enormous compassion and empathy for those who go through this misery on either side. I present this post with the humble hope that it might be of some help to the unfortunate souls going through the hell of one-sided love.

Undoubtedly, some of what I write below will sound like actions that drive the final nail on the coffin of your love and bury it. So, this advice will be hard to accept for people who still harbor hopes that their love will succeed. But trust me, when I say that these actions are not aimed at burying your love. These actions are primarily focussed on helping you heal and be strong. And if there is even a remote possibility, for your love to succeed, these very actions will draw out that possibility and help it become a reality. As such, all that I write below is totally valid and applicable whether you have given up on your love and want to move on, or you still harbor hopes that it will succeed. In either case, you would do well to heed this advice.


When to give up?


You fall in love. You share this fact with your beloved, with much anxiety and fear, hoping upon hope that they feel the same way towards you. But alas, you learn that they do not "like you that way" or "never saw you like that" or "can never have that type of feelings for you". There is immediate dejection, your heart feels heavy as a mountain in your chest. Then what?

You try again. The next hour or next day or next week, you have another talk with the person you love. You hope to convince them with logic or sentiments. You try desperately to make them see the beautiful vision of a future together that fills your eyes, you try to fill their hearts with the overwhelming, tender feelings that fill your own. But without success. Then what?

It can be very tough to know when to recognize that your love will never succeed, that you should give up and move on. It is especially tough to realize the futility of it all when you are young. And even if you realize that it is a failed venture, it can be tough to give up and let go without trying your best, without putting some desperate effort into it, without fighting for that ultimate love you so ardently believe in.

So, at what point should you give up? Unfortunately, there is no right answer to that question. Just as we cannot predict when the heart will fall in love, we cannot predict when the heart will be ready to give up and move on. Worse, we cannot predict the heart of the other person - who knows, it might turn around and fall for us, if only we remain true to our love for a few more days or weeks. So, I cannot tell you exactly when to give up. A good rule of thumb is to give up as soon as the communication from both sides has been very clear and unambiguous. You have expressed your love clearly and the other person has rejected you unambiguously? Time to move on.


Don't try too hard


You have talked 2 or 3 times to the person you love to see if they love you back the same. They don't. Then what to do with them? Nothing. Just let go. Even if you madly, desperately love them, don't try to make them. Keep the mad love in your own heart. Don't drown the other person with your feelings. Don't try too hard.

You can't use logic to convince anybody to love you. You cannot charm them into loving you, against their wishes. You cannot force or make anybody love you, if they don't already feel the love for you. Moreover, convincing somebody to love you with your charm, beauty, money or sex is not the best way to get love. Love cannot be bought like that. The best and most enduring love is the one which rises in the heart on its own, inspired merely by the being of the other person, without needing extra efforts or convincing from anybody. Such love will flow effortlessly and naturally, of its own accord.

Whatever you do, don't try too hard to make somebody love you. I can never stress this enough. By trying too hard, you might actually be killing any small chances there might be for the other person to fall for you. Growing things need lots of room to grow freely and playfully. You can't convince a wild tiger or wolf to come out and play with you by trying too hard and chasing it all over the jungle. The most you can do is regulate your own behavior and hope for it to come to you on its own. Who knows, if you are lucky, things might flow your way. But don't try too hard lest you kill your chances yourself.


Walk away and keep away


The other thing you do when your love is not reciprocated is just walk away. Put some distance between the person you love and yourself. In fact, if you know for sure that they will never love you back, it is best if you don't run into them or communicate with them at all. At least temporarily. Perhaps later, when your heart has let go and healed, there may be a chance to resume some form of acquaintanceship or friendship. But when your love for them is still burning bright, when the wound of rejection is still fresh, when your heart is still hurting, any type of regular and/or close contact should be avoided.

Some people fear that by keeping away from the person they love, they may be killing what little chance they may have with them. The opposite is true. When you are away, it gives the other person a chance to realize what they are missing by not having you around. If they realize that and truly want you, they will come seeking you on their own. If they don't realize anything of the sort, it means they didn't notice you or value you all that much to begin with. So, you are better off being away from them.


Don't do stuff together


In a way, this point is same as the previous point about keeping away from the object of your love. But this is important enough that I am spelling it out explicitly. Before you fell for that person, the two of you might have been in a relationship where you did stuff together. You might have been buddies, classmates, colleagues, or part of some hobby/special interest group. But now that you have expressed your romantic interest and have been rebuffed, it is better that you avoid such combined activities.

This may require you to go through some inconvenient changes in your own life. Change classes at school? Change departments at work? Stop hanging out at the same social haunts or events? Delete them from your online contact lists, phone address book, etc.? Even change the gang of friends whom you meet regularly? The idea is to keep interaction / contacts with the person you fell for at a bare minimum or none.

This advice is most important if you were doing 'couple stuff' before one of you fell in love seriously. By couple stuff, I mean things like casual dating, going out for movies or dinner as a twosome, or even a friends-with-benefits / casual sex type of relationships. If you were doing such things, and one of you fell in love seriously, where as the other person doesn't want to get serious, put a complete stop to all the 'couple stuff'.

It can be very painful to regularly interact, even as just friends or colleagues, with a person who doesn't reciprocate your ardent love. You are constantly reminded of what you love, desire and want, but can't have. It's a torture for the body, heart and soul. It makes moving on and healing very tough. It comes in the way of getting a proper perspective on things. Don't let yourself go through that torture. End the interactions.


Don't stalk or obsess


Being in love means being constantly concerned and interested about everything going on with the person you love. This comes very close to stalking and obsessing. Stalking isn't restricted to just physically following someone around everywhere. Physical following is something you should never do with someone who doesn't reciprocate your love. Remember - walk away and keep away! But suppose circumstances don't allow you to totally avoid interacting with the person towards whom you feel one-sided love. Suppose you are classmates or colleagues, and you are unable to change classes or jobs. Then what? If you can't be physically away, at least try not to mentally obsess about the person. I know this is easier said than done. To love someone is to think about that person constantly. But you can certainly avoid obsessive behavior like trying to know everything about them, keeping tabs on what is going on with them, listening to their conversations with others, constantly checking their blogs or social networking pages and updates (Facebook, Orkut, MySpace, etc.), following them online to participate in the discussions and postings they are involved in, etc., etc. These are the types of behavior you can and should avoid. Doing these things won't help you win their love. These things will in fact, push them farther away. And these actions keep you from healing and moving on.


Don't try to share and heal together


It's stupid to think that a person who loves and another person who doesn't return that love can share the hurts caused by this same unreturned love, and can heal together. You may genuinely care for each other. You might even have been good friends in the past. But as things stands now with one person wanting something more than the other person is willing to share or give, there is no way for peace and healing to be experienced together. You can certainly heal, but on your own. Or with some other caring friend or lover. Not with the person you love and who can't love you back. Don't even attempt this because the opposite will occur. The constant reminder of unreturned love will hurt you more. It will cause the other person to feel worse also.


Don't become weak or ill


Whatever you do, for god's sake don't become weak or fall ill - physically or mentally. It is not worth it at all. Not worth spoiling your health over someone who doesn't return your love. It is not fair to yourself. It is not fair to the other person. It also doesn't make you any more attractive or love-able. In fact, by falling ill, becoming weak or going loco, you are totally destroying any little chance there might have been of things working out for you. When the person wasn't attracted to you or didn't love you when you were healthy and happy, what makes you think that falling ill or going crazy makes you any more attractive and love-able. Just get a good strong grip on yourself and concentrate on living a steady, strong life. It's okay if you have to break-down and cry. Just don't stay broken or stay down. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.


Ultimately, that is the gist of everything I have said above: when you are in love and it's not returned, just move on. Move on.

Irregardless: Height of Literary Idiocy

The height of literary idiocy is not simply the usage of the non-existent word, irregardless. No. That pinnacle is reserved for idiots who use that word, and if anyone objects, smugly point to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

It is amazing how many people have come to think that it is an acceptable word for colloquial usage, based on such dictionary entries. As for the genius who entered that word into the M-W dictionary, confirming that "there is such a word", tamely calling it "nonstandard", and not asserting that it is WRONG, that worthy should be banned from ever touching a dictionary in his life, let alone updating one!

At least, Dictionary.com has this usage note:

Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so. (Emphasis mine).

If you are one of those who argue that English is an evolving language and so, if the majority of people use irregardless, it will become part of the language and a real word, try irregularless and disrespectless for size. See if you can figure out juse why irregardless will NEVER, EVER be a correct word no matter how many people use it!

Mediocre = Happy & Content

Humans are extremely social beings. What this means is that those who are closer to the average in smarts, skills, sensitivity are the ones with the highest chances for happiness and contentment in the socialized human life. Success and popularity is pretty much assured if you are slightly better than average. Not too much better. Just enough that you can do better than most average people and the average people can recognize that you are better than them.

If you are too far above the average, your efforts will be sabotaged by a system which tends to favor the average, and your effectiveness will be cramped by the average people who can't find resonance with you. If you are too far above average, you will not be appreciated or recognized simply because your efforts and ideas are beyond the comprehension, understanding and acceptance of the average majority. If you are too far above average, prepare to live a life of compromise (settling for less than best), frustration and daily defeats while you try hard to explain, convince and work with mediocre colleagues, bosses, friends, relatives and acquaintances, stuck in teams and social situations full of average pedestrians. And in the case of really unlucky geniuses - stuck for life with mediocre partners.

There are only a lucky few geniuses who -

• possess the skills to beat the system which is stacked in favor of mediocrity and/or
• whose success is so great that the world simply can't ignore them and/or
• who manage to end up in places where they are surrounded by others of equal or greater evolution and/or
• whose work and interests don't need much social interaction and recognition.

Even these lucky people may not avoid the daily compromises, frustration and defeats.

There must be a large number of 85-to-95 percentile people, who go through life frustrated and less than happy, being forced to live and work with the vast, oppressing majority of 45-to-75 percentile people. And the 76-to-84 percentile people? They are the lucky 'slightly above average' types who have a high chance for success and popularity, happiness and contentment.

Tax Filing Tips

It is tax filing season again. I have only two tips for the typical tax-payer:

1. File your tax yourself. Use a program like TurboTax Deluxe or H&R Block TaxCut Premium to file yourself.

2. Do not e-file. File your tax returns by paper.


File Yourself

If you are filing taxes as an individual or a married person or a small business owner, you can and should try filing yourself. Professional accountants charge anywhere from 70 bucks to several hundred bucks to do your taxes. There is absolutely no need to waste your money on them. I paid hundreds of dollars to accountants to file my taxes for the past several years. I used TurboTax for the past couple of years and have been amazed at what a breeze it is to do your taxes yourself. I was able to do my taxes in just a couple of hours, one evening. I am never going to use an accountant again, unless I am so super rich, I don't know the value of my wealth myself. The cost of the TurboTax software was little over 35 bucks in Costco. With a $15 rebate coupon that Costco sent me earlier this year, the cost of filing my taxes was well under $24! What a sweet deal! And that included the cost of postage to send my filing papers, which brings us to the next topic...


File by paper. Do not e-file.

E-filing taxes in the US is nothing but a rip-off. Depending on which company you e-file through, expect to spend anywhere from 25 to 35 bucks or more for e-filing. That is disgusting! It should be cheaper to e-file than to file through paper. Read my full rant about e-filing costs in last year's post: Why should e-filing of US taxes cost more? As long as people continue to pay such ridiculously unreasonable amounts for e-filing, companies will keep ripping us off. It is high time all the US taxpayers say a collective 'NO' to paying such high amounts for e-filing. So, don't e-file. File early and send your filing by paper. This year, I mailed my tax papers on 8th Feb. My state refund was available in my bank account on 21st Feb and my federal refund on the 26th.

Happy filing everybody.

Vision Quest Tips

About four years ago, a friend asked about tips/advice on undertaking a Vision Quest. This is what I wrote to her:

1. Intent is most important. For a vision quest (as for spellwork), it's the clear intent and focus that will determine the course of the quest and the vision you receive.

2. Clearing and cleaning the space: personal space, surroundings, body, mind, heart and spirit. There are so many different ways of achieving this. Among Native Americans, the sweatlodge ceremony is a very powerful and effective way of cleaning the body, mind, heart and spirit. The ceremony could even be a small vision quest in itself. The purpose of this activity is to make yourself into a suitable vessel/container to receive the vision. Also important to clean and prepare the physical space where you hope to do your quest: casting the circle, creating a medicine wheel are two ways of doing that.

3. Attaining an altered state of consciousness, conducive to receiving the vision. The altered state can be achieved in many ways - non-physical or physical or a combination of both. Non-physical methods include meditation, sleep, dreaming, hypnosis (self or otherwise), etc. Physical methods include physical hardships such as fasting and/or spending solitary time out in the woods, deserts, mountains, etc., power medicines, sweatlodge, etc.

4. Receiving the vision and afterward. It is important to be centered and grounded enough that when the vision comes, you don't break out in a panic or snap out of the trance. It is also important that you are centered and grounded enough that after the trance or vision "has passed", you can assimilate and incorporate it into your system, come safely "back to base" and back to your "normal" lifestyle. Being able to maintain your center and groundedness depends a lot on your preparation and practice prior to the vision quest. Making your system strong and familiarizing your system with mini-visioning rehearsals would help. If you decide to go through physical hardships such as spending time out in the open and/or using power medicines, be sure to have safety nets, companion(s) to support you, backup plan to locate you in the outdoors, administer emergency medical help, etc.

Blessings and best wishes. I hope you find what you want and need, and that which needs you finds you too.

21 Tips to my 21-year-old Self

I will be 31 very soon. If I could go back 10 years and meet my 21-year-old self, what advice would I impart to him based on the past 10 years of my life? The following for sure:

1. True love is built over a period of time, by two people who reciprocate the feelings and share many experiences together, both good and bad. That kind of relationship is worth your heart-break and heart-ache, if it does not eventually work out. A relationship in which you are the only person who is in love, while the other person does not reciprocate similar feelings, is not love in its true, real sense. It is just infatuation. Even if your feelings are extremely intense, sincere and earnest, it is still just infatuation. It is okay to feel a little disappointed and sad if such a one-way infatuation does not pan out, but it is certainly not worth your heart-break and heart-ache.


2. Even if the person reciprocates your feelings of sincere infatuation and affection, in their own way, but the two of you don't actually have a relationship, don't even call each other lovers or partners, don't spend time together, sharing the good things and the bad things which life has to offer, then it is not a true love relationship. It is just a two-way infatuation. If this does not turn into a true relationship, there is still no need to go through overwhelming heart-ache and heart-break. A little more disappointment and sadness is alright.


3. Never take more than three steps closer to someone you are interested in, without them reciprocating. In fact, the ideal situation is where both of you simultaneously, or at least alternatively, move closer towards each other taking one equal step at a time. But life is rarely ideal. You being a man, there will be many occasions when you have to take a few more steps closer to a woman, before she will take one step closer to you. Never let these 'few more steps' exceed three steps at any point of time. This is especially important at the beginning of the relationship when you barely know the woman. Don't throw yourself at her and pursue her unless she shows suitable interest and reciprocation. Of course, later on, when the loving partnership is steadily and firmly established, throw these calculations out the window and be totally generous and uncalculative with your beloved.


4. Women who don't express an interest in you during those first three steps, will almost never become interested in you later on. There seems to be an antenna in men and women, especially so in women, which subconsciously tells them very early on, whether they might pursue a relationship with someone. So, don't spend a lot of time and energy taking more than three steps towards someone who does not want to take even one step towards you. Don't think that you will not find love unless you work hard and take a lot of steps towards a lot of women. You don't need to. Repeat: YOU DON'T NEED TO.


5. You will come across women who will admire you and love you, simply for who you are, just for the way you normally live, talk and behave. With the woman who is right for you, you don't have to do anything different or extra, or put in a lot of hardwork and pain to make things work. Things will just work out naturally. All that you need to do is be yourself. Being yourself should include being sincere, being truthful, being clean and nice.


6. When a woman is interested in you, she will let you know. If she admires you or loves you, you will know. If she wants a relationship with you, that will become obvious to you soon enough. So, never ever deceive yourself with thoughts such as: "May be she will become interested in me, if I do this or that"; "May be she is interested in me, but just does not realize it herself"; "May be she wants me, but is simply not showing it"; "May be if I can convince her or just work a little harder, I can win her over"; etc.


7. You are smart, handsome, loving and love-able. There will be many women who think so. Even if you don't hear it from them aloud, you are all those things. So, don't pursue women, desperately seeking your own self-validation. Don't think that you are not handsome or love-able, just because someone you are infatuated with does not reciprocate your feelings. Don't think you are not all these things just because you don't have a girlfriend or a partner yet. There will be women who think you are all these and more, and who will love you for who you are. And, insha-allah, you will have that partner, who is right and perfect for you, who will admire and deserve all your good qualities, and will let you know that in no uncertain terms.


8. Value yourself, your personality, your feelings, your talents, your body. Do not throw them without restraint at every potential love interest. Remember that at the wooing stage, the more easily something is available, the less its perceived value is. By offering things to those who may not want it or seek it on their own, you are only devaluing those things. Don't spend a lot of time, energy and feelings in relationships which don't go anywhere either, or with people who you know will never be your long-term permanent lover-partner. In fact, don't spend any time or energy doing 'romantic' things with such people. Doing this also means de-valuing yourself. It is like throwing your highly valuable personal love into the trash can. You are wasting and throwing away something which actually belongs to your true love. Protect yourself, your time, your feelings, your energy. Keep them safe for the true love who will come into your life. Guard these things jealously for her.


9. Protect your virginity for your true love. It is okay to have pre-marital monogamous sex with your lover-partner, the person with whom you have a true, full-fledged (meaning steady and long-term sharing of life), loving relationship. It is definitely not okay with anybody else. Casual sex might be okay in theory, it might be okay for others. But it is not okay for you. It is an unclean and unhealthy food which won't suit your system nor your long-term health. Worse, it is addictive food; it will weaken your soul, and will cause considerable pain and drain on your emotions like all addictions. Just don't do it, regardless of the opportunities and temptations. You will regret if you do it. You will wish that you could go back in time and re-live your life, without letting yourself get into casual sex. Protect yourself.


10. Just as you have a responsibility to protect yourself, you also have a responsibility to protect other people whose paths will cross yours. Just as you might have weak moments in love and passion, they will too. Just as you will feel hurt and regret when things don't work out, they will too. Protect these nice people who come into your life, whose only mistake (if it can be called that) is to love you, admire you and care for you. Protect them from the hurt that you will cause them or they will cause to themselves. Be especially wary of hurting these nice people in the long-term, while you try to avoid short-term hurt. This is a trap you will fall into repeatedly because you want to be nice to these nice people. Nice is okay. But, be totally honest, open and truthful with them, even if hurts them (and you) in the short term. They will be protected in the long-term. They will admire you for your courage and integrity, if you do that.


11. This needs repeating again: You don't need to do anything to find true love. Just be yourself. Be nice, be clean and truthful, be sincere, be healthy, and above all, be happy and patient. Take all that time and energy you will put into romance and love, and put it into your career, education, hobbies and other interests, into social activities, into smiling. True love will find its way to you on its own. You don't need to do anything else.


12. After that typical Libran Lover brand long lecture about love and romance, let's turn to your career. You will get into a software job. That means, you will have opportunities to go abroad. That means, you need a passport. For god's sake go get it done AT ONCE. Don't be the fool who runs from once government office to another, dragging your father and uncle with you, when opportunity comes knocking and you need a passport in a hurry. Just get it done IMMEDIATELY.


13. The very first time you come to the US, you will want to stay here long-term. Only you won't define what long-term is. You will have some vague notion in your head of long-term being "at least two years or more". Well, guess what, you are going to end up staying here for well over six years. Incredibly, you will spend almost 5 of those years, without actually taking any concrete steps to build the right foundation for a career and for visa/greencard processing, which will both help you stay here for the long term! You will just spend those 5 years with your head buried in the sand of a dead-end job. It will be FIVE long years of no pay increments, while the company's stupid policies will bring in new, junior people who will work under you for higher pay, and the prospect of your work visa expiring at the end of 6 years, which will finally get your ass moving. Do yourself a favor, and start doing something at least at the end of your second year in the US.


14. It won't help your career to be a jack of all trades, and master of none. You will spend much of your career in roles which will give you good exposure to a lot of different things, but just not enough mastery or authority on any one thing. It is an undeniable reality in life that great performers even if it is in lesser jobs get more recognition and satisfaction, than average performers in bigger jobs. The best way to grow in a career is to consistently be a great performer, going from smaller to bigger roles.


15. If you want something in your career, just go get it. This is the exact opposite of the love advice, where you just have to be yourself and love will come to you. In the realm of the career, waiting for things to come to you, or for the company or your boss to give you what you want, will never work. You just have to get it yourself... even if it means quitting the job and getting a different one. Just be clear about what it is exactly that you want, then go get it.


16. Never spend more than 1 hour at work, browsing the Internet for news and technological developments. Make every one of the other 7 hours count for productive work or directly work-related knowledge gain.


17. Don't buy that house in early 2006. Wait until late 2007, when the real estate market in the US is even more in the doldrums, and it becomes a buyer's market with a lot more inventory waiting to be sold. And, don't buy the house until you can make 20% down payment. 10% is just not good enough.


18. Get all the features you want the house to have, right when you buy it. Don't let others talk you into thinking that you can add extra features (like tiled floor rather than the carpet) later on. The "later on" might never come.


19. Buy real tangible gifts for your parents and other family members. Avoid giving them money to buy what they want. They usually won't buy anything. One fine day, you will realize that you have been working for 10 years and not bought a single real gift to your parents, despite sending money for birthdays and such!


20. Don't stop hiking when your regular hiking partners stop. You will find that a year or more has passed by without you hiking a single time, and you are out of shape! Shameful. Get out and hike by yourself, or find new hiking friends and groups. There are plenty out there.


21. Smile more. Don't be lost in your own world when people are around you. Take more interest in them, socialize more.

Non-evolution of Humans

Our external world is fast changing. Incredible changes happen in the world from year to year, decade to decade, century to century. Some of these changes are unimaginable for most people until they actually happen. These external changes, which are considered to be 'progress' and 'evolution', lull most of us humans into thinking that we are actually progressing or evolving as a species. That is a total illusion!

We may be evolving better or faster or easier ways of doing things - eating, sleeping, mating, travelling, entertaining ourselves, killing others. But, we are not evolving much at a personal level, as people, as a species.

When we read literary works that are a few years or decades old, a few centuries old (Shakespeare, for example) or even thousands of years old (ancient epics like the Mahabharatha or the Greek myths), we note that the human concerns and character, our desires and feelings, our actions and reactions have not changed much at all. In thousands of years, we have really not evolved much in terms of how our personalities are.

Our lack of evolution is amazing. And, when we consider that we are still fighting, hurting and killing one another, still starving for proper food in large pockets of the world, it is disappointing. And worst of all, when we see at a personal level that, we have still not mastered effective communication and sharing of love, control of anger and jealousy, avoiding hurting those who love us, sharing food and riches, successfully experiencing a content and nurturing romantic relationship, the non-evolution of humans is downright depressing.

If we measure inter-personal and intra-personal (i.e., in the mind of a single person) conflict and strife within all the species of the world, humans will probably be toppers. By that measure, we are probably one of the least evolved species - in terms of communication, personality, inter-personal relationship!

Love vs Justice & Pride

Zen Denizen asked the following question in the comments to my post Enough Love:

Do you believe love is stronger than justice and pride?

At first, I thought that she was asking if one has to choose between love versus justice and pride, what should be chosen. Re-reading the question and understanding it in simpler terms, she might simply be asking if love is more resilient than justice and pride. Whatever she meant to ask, I thought the answer to both questions would be interesting. So, here goes.


What is stronger? Love? Or, justice and pride?

I will answer the simpler question first: It doesn't take much to break justice and pride. One lie, one dishonest act can kill justice. One failure, one humiliation, one moment of humbleness can break pride. But true love is not so easy to break or kill. Love can go through many tests, trials and tribulations, many rejections and failures, and still survive. In that sense, love is much stronger than justice and pride.


Love vs Justice

Being in a position where you have to choose between love and justice is especially tough. The classic example is that of a law enforcement officer who catches his much-loved child in a criminal act. Should the officer succumb to love and let his child off the hook? Or should he treat the child as he would treat any other unknown criminal?

Given that justice is so much more fragile - all it takes is one lie or one dishonest act to kill justice - than love, I'd say that justice should be chosen if there is ever a conflict between love and justice. There is another (more) important reason to preserve justice: true love cannot be built and sustained over a foundation of injustice and lies. Love needs a strong foundation of justice and truth. A love that is chosen at the cost of truth, is a weakened love. It won't survive for long.


Love vs Pride

Pride is like cholesterol - there is good pride and there is bad pride. Excessive pride, false pride or a pride based on the insecurity of a person, is a sure killer of love. Such pride can kill love like an especially vile parasite. Such pride saps the health out of a good relationship.

On the other hand, complete lack of pride results in a weak individual and an unhealthy relationship. Love cannot be sustained by a weak individual, in an unhealthy relationship. Healthy pride is a symptom of self-confidence and a sense of self-worth. It is the mark of a well-balanced and secure individual. The kind of individual who can provide and share a secure, nourishing, nurturing love.


Summary

It can be very difficult and trying when we find ourselves in a position where we have to choose between love and justice / pride. In such a stressful situation, it is all too easy to make a short-sighted choice which appears to be in favor of love. However, a wise choice, is the one which will sustain both love and justice / pride, in the long run. Beware of a choice which requires you to sacrifice one thing or the other. I hope the above answers help us all make wise choices.

Lessons in Mistakes for Alpha Males

Making Mistakes

• Everybody in the tribe makes mistakes. The Alpha Male might make a big mistake. He has big responsibilities, big authority, big power. So, it is natural for him to be in a position where he might make big mistakes.



• The biggest mistake the Alpha Male can make is to think that he is a worse person because he made a big mistake. How big a mistake a person makes is not necessarily proportional to how bad a person he is. The Alpha Male must always remember that he made a big mistake because he is a big person with big responsibilities.

Admitting Mistakes

• The Alpha Male must be brutally honest with himself in admitting his mistakes and the causes for the mistake. Admitting his mistakes to others is a different matter.



• The Alpha Male must admit mistakes to others only if such admission is necessary for rectifying the mistake or for healing the hurts caused by his mistake or for teaching a lesson to others so that they don't make the same mistake. Otherwise, the Alpha Male should not admit mistakes to others.



• The tribe does not follow the Alpha Male because he makes mistakes and admits to them. The tribe follows the Alpha Male because he corrects mistakes and takes the tribe forward.



• While admitting the mistake might appear honest and honorable, most tribe members will see it merely as a weakness. It takes some maturity to recognize honor in the admission of mistakes, and most followers don't have that maturity.

Rectifying after Mistakes

• The first step to rectifying a mistake is for the Alpha Male to remember that he is the Alpha Male. He is the Do-er of Things. He is the Fixer. He is not a smaller person or a bad person just because he made the big mistake.



• Alpha Males can be hard on themselves, expecting to always do the best. So, when they make a mistake, they might spend time and energy brooding on it, beating themselves up. This is not productive. The Alpha Male should give only as much thought and energy to mistakes, as it is necessary to learn the causes and contributing factors of the mistakes, and learn what it takes to rectify the mistake.



• The Alpha Male should not allow himself to be defeated just because he made a mistake. The mistake might prove that he is not the smartest or the strongest, but he is still the Alpha Male. He should not give up his power and authority to others just because he made a mistake.



• If the Alpha Male is indeed broken or defeated by a mistake, and he is not able to correct it or lead the tribe, he should step down and let someone more capable take over. There is nothing more pathetic or dangerous than a person who is no longer the Alpha Male, but who is pretending to be one or trying to futilely to hold on to the title.



• By all means let the Alpha Male listen to other wise members of the tribe for advice on correcting the mistake. But what he does with such advice is his own decision and responsibility. He should execute the rectifications with his own power, as his own actions. He should be careful not to give up his power and authority to those who advice him in the time of his defeat or mistake.



• This is worth repeating: Mistakes and defeats do not make or break the Alpha Male. The Alpha Male is made or broken by what is in his heart, his head and in his balls.

Mistakes and Women

• One of the worst mistakes the Alpha Male can make is one involving a woman - doing something wrong to her or doing something wrong with her or doing something wrong because of her. The Alpha Male should take special precautions not to mix up mistakes and women.



• Most women follow the Alpha Male for the same reason the rest of the tribe does: because he is the Alpha Male, because he is the Do-er, the Fixer, the Leader. They admire and love him for the same reasons. Not because he makes mistakes or admits to them.



• The Alpha Male might feel the need to have some person with whom he can let down his guard, freely admit his weaknesses and mistakes, be vulnerable. He must be careful about whom he chooses to do these with. Doing all these with a woman does not necessarily make him the cute love-able puppy to her.



• The Alpha Male is better off having an older trustworthy mentor for letting down his guard, admitting his weakness and mistakes, and being vulnerable. Ideally, such a mentor is not a direct follower of the Alpha Male and is somewhat removed from the rest of the tribe.



• There is a rare woman who can see every weakness of the Alpha Male, still recognize that he is the Alpha Male, support and help him to overcome those weaknesses, and love and respect him at the end of it all. The Alpha Male who has such a woman in his life is very lucky. Such a woman will be one of the main strengths which make him the Alpha Male.

Universal Time

My previous post on Timing of Love has inspired this post.

What I am about to post is extremely profound knowledge. Many people go through entire lifetimes without ever realizing or understanding this. Even among people who realize or understand this, there are very few who actually put this information to any use. And among those who put it to any use, there are extremely few (one in millions or billions of people) who puts it to consistent use. This is literally the most open secret of the ages.

1. When you feel that you are just "not getting the timing right", that is the most obvious sign that you are not in alignment with Universal Time.


2. Universal Time is the timing of the Universe itself, it is the Universal Rhythm. Every single thing in the Universe takes place exactly in Universal Time. Never sooner. Never later. Never faster. Never slower. And absolutely never against the Universal Time.


3. Universal Time is not a fate or destiny which does not give you a choice. It is not something over which you have no influence. You are part of the Universe. So, you are one of the many infinite factors which determine and influence Universal Time. You can most definitely influence it. You do most definitely influence it - whether you know it or not, whether you want it or not.


4. How much of an influence you have over Universal Time is determined by how big or powerful a person you are in Universal terms. "Big and powerful" is not always measured by physical strength or material riches or political power, although these factors are indeed part of the many criteria.


5. Getting the timing right is one of the greatest, if not the greatest, key to success. Getting the timing right simply means being in alignment with Universal Time.


6. The more in alignment you are with Universal Time, the more successful and powerful you are. Consequently, the greater influence you can have on Universal Time.


7. The greater influence you have on Universal Time, the less need you will have to actually exercise that influence. That is because you will already be in alignment with the Universal Time, and so, things will already be automatically going your way without any special effort on your part.


8. The best way to be in alignment with Universal Time is to meditate.


9. The pinnacle of being in alignment with Universal Time is to know and experience that there is no Universe or Time outside of you, separate from you.

Timing of Love

When we think 'compatibility' in a relationship, we usually think in terms of similar or complementary personal characters in two people. I am beginning to think that compatibility is more a function of time than of personal characteristics.

Timing is a major factor in a relationship, yet it is the least understood and gets the least attention. Two people can be totally different in character, preferences, etc. Yet, if they consistently have similar or complementary feelings at the same times, they can easily tide over other differences and enjoy a steady, compatible relationship.

This might well be the secret of those people who seem to be so different and yet get along so well in their relationships. In the same vein, lack of timing might be a major cause of angst and incompatibility between two people who may be very similar to each other, be very much in love, with potential for a great relationship, that is never fulfilled.

What is the use of feeling great yearning and tenderness for each other, but at totally different times? It is relatively better to not feel anything at all, cuz a lot of pain and agony would be avoided.

Blessed are they who are lucky enough to have the timing right... even if it is in death.

A Case for Writing Right

Disclaimer 1 : I make no claims to being an expert in the English language, nor do I claim that my writing is perfect and free of errors. There are many rules of grammar and punctuation that I am not aware of. I am still learning.

Disclaimer 2 : Genuine typos and deliberately used acronyms (E.g.: LOL for 'laugh out loud') as well as short forms (E.g.: sms lingo) are out of scope for everything that is written below.


I suspect that people have always had difficulties with written English, with its non-phonetic spellings and probably the most complex punctuation rules among all languages. This difficulty has never been as obvious as it is today, in the era of Internet fora.

Online fora such as message boards and blogs enable anybody to type and publish stuff, which are almost instantly read by more eyes than was ever possible in human history. These writings need not go through any form of quality control such as editing and proof-reading. The result is that a person visiting a typical online forum can be exposed to more atrocious - qualitatively and quantitatively - spelling and grammar in a single day, than s/he might have come across in a whole month or even a year, in the pre-Internet days. Assuming, of course, that the person is an average reader, and not a magazine editor or an English teacher.

Most online fora have at least one spelling/grammar-nazi - you know, the person (mostly men, rarely women) who points out and corrects spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Reactions to such corrections range from mild irritation to outright hostility. The reactions are also normally accompanied by excuses.

Two of the most popular excuses are:

(i) "I was quite aware of my error when I was making it. I only made the error because this is an online forum. I would never make such errors in an official report or formal paper."

(ii) "Nobody cares about such things these days. It is not really important to be grammatically accurate and use correct spelling, especially not in my profession/office." This particular excuse, unfortunately, is most popular among techies. Most techies who give this excuse are at the non-management level.

These excuses are not just unacceptable, they are invalid.

Before I go further, it is worth repeating my earlier disclaimer: Genuine typos and deliberately used acronyms (E.g.: LOL for laugh out loud) as well as short forms (E.g.: sms lingo) are out of scope for everything that is written here.

"I was aware of the mistake. I did it only because this an online forum."
Sometimes this is an outright lie, and it is very obvious that the person who made the mistake was not aware of it at all, or else s/he would not have let it pass. Confusions in the usage of "there", "their" and "they're" as well as misuse of apostrophes come to mind. Other times, the person making this excuse is simply deceiving herself/himself. Think of formal writing as attending a formal event and informal writing as attending an informal event. For formal events, you may be formally dressed and for informal events you are informally dressed. However, if you are classy and decent, to neither event would you wear soiled or smelly clothes, nor clothes which are torn and expose your private body parts. In the same way, classy and educated people will not, all of a sudden, lose their sense of spelling and grammar just because they are writing in an informal forum. They would certainly not allow their own mistakes to pass uncorrected, if they were aware of them. Of course, there are always exceptions - one might deliberately use a certain style of writing, replete with errors, for a specific purpose. This is no different from someone who might dress outrageously for an event, in order to make a specific statement or create a certain impression. But those are exceptions.

"Nobody cares. Correct spelling/grammar is not important for my job."
This is a dangerous attitude/belief to have. It is akin to believing that how you dress to your workplace is not really important. Your office may not have a strict dress code, you may be allowed to dress casually daily, and nobody might question you if you were to dress badly. However, if you believe that people are not getting certain impressions about you and not forming opinions about you based on how you dress, you are absolutely wrong. It may or may not be fair to draw conclusions about people based on their dress, but it happens. Consciously or subconsciously, it happens. A similar thing happens with how we speak and write as well - it leaves impressions, causes people to judge us. In fact, how we write might leave a more lasting and widespread impression, because there is a paper or electronic trail. Also because emails might be forwarded far and wide, and online postings are seen and read by many people. If the analogy of dress does not convince you, think of speech. Imagine a person who speaks any language badly, with incorrect grammar, may be in a country bumpkin fashion. And then, imagine a person who speaks the same language cleanly and correctly. All other things being equal, who will leave a more favorable impression? Whom would you consider to be more capable, reliable? With whom would you prefer to trust your business and your money? The one with a better manner of speech, right? Believe me, the same thing happens when you write badly. Bad writing gives the impression of you being less educated and incapable.

There is a subtle trap here for people like Indians, for whom English is not the first language and is most often learnt only in schools and colleges. In most places in India, the very fact that a person speaks and writes English, might make him appear educated, a cut above an uneducated person. This would happen regardless of whether the person's English is grammatically correct or not. This might lull a person into a false sense of confidence that simply being able to write in English, however badly, is sufficient. The person might not realize that in a country like America and in online fora, his/her bad grammar and spelling might make him appear to be uneducated. Non-native English speakers must be careful about this.

Let's face it: the only person who can get away with bad dress, bad speech or bad writing is someone who is already extremely successful, powerful and/or beautiful. And even such people become the subject of ridicule and jokes, if their language skills are bad (Shrubbish.com). Unfortunately, the majority of us are not in that state of extreme exaltation. For us, it is important to dress, speak and write cleanly. We don't need to go to extremes or be experts. We don't need to dress like movie stars or write like professional writers. Just being able to write in simple sentences, free of spelling and grammatical errors should suffice. It is not easy to do that in a confusing language like English. But it is not too difficult either. Most often, it is merely a matter of reading more, learning better and being more aware while writing.

The most important reason for writing right is not just to create a favorable impression of ourselves to the reader, although that is important. The most important reason is simply to communicate right. Bad language and errors dilute and distract from the message which is sought to be communicated. Moreover, anything worth doing is worth doing well. An apt word used right in a well-constructed and error-free sentence is a thing of beauty worth striving for.

Related: Punctuation is Dying

EOI - Extrinsic Obstacles Index

I am coining a new acronym: EOI, which stands for Extrinsic Obstacles Index.

EOI gives a ratio of extrinsic or unrelated obstacles to the total number of obstacles present between you and your objective, in a given situation, scenario or place.

EOI = extrinsic obstacles / Total number of obstacles (%)

The most convenient unit of measurement for EOI is percentage (%).


What are extrinsic obstacles?

There will be obstacles on the path to any objective. The obstacles can be classified as being intrinsic to the system and extrinsic to the system. Intrinsic obstacles are the obstacles which are a natural part of the system. Extrinsic obstacles are those which are not a natural part of the system. The extrinsic obstacles are usually introduced by some human factors, and could have been avoided. In an ideal situation, 100% of the obstacles are intrinsic. Meaning, all extrinsic obstacles have been avoided or preempted.

The following examples will make this more clear:

1. Suppose the objective is to buy and keep a basket of apples for two weeks, without access to a refrigerator. The intrinsic obstacles are the weather condition, the lack of a refrigerator, etc. Suppose the fruit seller unscrupulously added one or two bad apples into your basket. This is an extrinsic obstacle to your objective which could have been avoided.

2. Suppose the objective is to reach City B, which is 300 miles away, in 3 hours, travelling in a Lexus LS430. The natural, intrinsic obstacles to achieve this objective are the relatively large distance, the short time, the posted speed limits, the normal traffic conditions and the weather conditions along the travel route. Suppose you have a couple of passengers in your car who keep fighting and distracting you from the driving. This is an extrinsic obstacle which could have been avoided. Suppose you encounter a traffic jam on the route because some drunk driver caused an accident. This is another extrinsic obstacle which could have been avoided.

3. Suppose the objective is to hike 6 miles to climb a 3000 ft mountain in 3 hours. The intrinsic obstacles are the time, distance and steepness of the climb. The condition of the hiking trail, your fitness levels and weather are other intrinsic obstacles. Suppose you were stupid enough to carry a cell phone on the hike, and you were interrupted by calls every 30 minutes or so. The calls on the cell phone are extrinsic obstacles which could have been avoided. Suppose there were many intersecting hiking trails in the region and some vandal kids had messed up the trail signs, direction signs, etc. This is another extrinsic obstacle which could have been avoided.

4. Suppose the objective is to start and run a successful business. The intrinsic obstacles to be surmounted are the initial capital, finding a suitable location for the business, getting the right people involved as employees/partners, marketing and sales, dealing with the competition, complying by governmental regulations, etc. These are the typical challenges for any business. Extrinsic obstacles could be - corrupt government officials who are demanding huge bribes to give you certain clearances, unfair and illegal practices by the competition, bad employees who are deliberately undermining your business and creating problems for their colleagues, etc.


What is the use of EOI?

When choosing any objective and the path to take to reach that objective, we naturally try to choose the objective and path which presents the least obstacles. While doing so, it is also essential to understand the Extrinsic Obstacles Index (EOI) of the situation so that we make a choice with the least percentage of extrinsic obstacles.

By nature, intrinsic obstacles are part of the system. Usually, they cannot be avoided. They need to be tackled and dealt with. Often, intrinsic obstacles are so much a part of the system that they are not even viewed or termed as obstacles. They are simply milestones to be reached enroute to the objectives.

On the other hand, extrinsic obstacles are usually things which could be avoided. In the above examples:

1. The apples could have been inspected and the bad ones rejected at the time of buying.

2. The fighting passengers could have been dumped before starting the journey.

3. The cell phone could have been switched off before starting the hike.

4. The business could have been started in a country where the government officials are less corrupt, the judicial system is stringent enough to ensure fair competition and the prospective employee selection process could be rigorous enough to reject bad people.

The bad thing about extrinsic obstacles is that, dealing with them does not necessarily take you a step closer to the objective. It merely keeps you from regressing or going several steps backward. Switching off the cell phone does not make the hike any easier or faster, dumping fighting passengers does not make your destination any closer, an honest government official does not automatically ensure your startup will be a success. So, if the EOI of a situation is high, you might end up spending a lot of time and resources in merely ensuring that you don't go backward. If the EOI had been low, you could have used the same resources to get closer to your objective.

Another equally bad thing about extrinsic obstacles is that, they are not fun to deal with. They bring down your morale and spirit. The challenge of reaching a distant destination in a short time is fun. The challenge of hiking a steep mountain is fun. The challenge of starting and running a successful business is fun. These intrinsic challenges may be tough to deal with, but they spur you on. They are part of the game that you accepted when you signed up for the game. On the other hand, being distracted by fighting passengers on the drive, being constantly interrupted by phone calls on the hike, having to deal with corrupt officials is no fun. These factors take the joy out of the situation.

Another important thing is that, intrinsic obstacles by their nature, lead to innovations in your own field of interest. Extrinsic obstacles usually don't lead to innovations in your field. On the contrare, they take away valuable resources which could have fuelled your innovation.

For all these reasons, it is important to try and keep the EOI levels down.

Not all extrinsic obstacles can be avoided or controlled by us. The drunken driver, the vandalizing kids on the hiking trail are examples of factors not directly under our control.

This concept of the EOI can be applied to all types of situations - personal, public, professional. I hope it is of help for everyone to make better decisions and choices.

Another acronym coined by me: BQ - Bimbo Quotient.

Roommate Rules

After a loong time, I have started sharing an apartment with roommates, since this past September. I have come up with the following "Roommate Rules" to help make roommate arrangements an easier experience. Most of them are based on my experiences during the past three months, and from prior roommate experiences as well. Some are based on the experiences I have heard from others. The rest are based on common sense.

Before I list the rules, I would like to say one thing first and foremost: Rules or no rules, finding the right people is the most important thing. It is about people, people, people!

1. All of the following rules shall be discussed, understood and agreed upon in advance.

2. We shall discuss, understand and agree upon in advance practical matters like the lease terms, living arrangements (which room belongs to whom, etc.), lease breakage, etc.

3. I shall have my own room and bathroom. I need my private space.

4. As far as possible, we shall try to maintain the apartment/house as a "home". That includes sharing good company, cordial conversation and meals.

5. There will be no meat or eggs (in direct form) cooked or consumed in the house. Eggs in indirect form - as in cookies, pastries, etc. - are acceptable.

6. All shared areas (living room, kitchen, dining area) shall be immaculately clean at all times. Immaculate also means, "a place for everything and everything in its place!" This is applicable for everything including footwear, CDs, shopping bags, magazines, letters, miscellaneous papers, etc.

7. We shall work out a schedule for equal division of labor for cooking, cleaning, shopping. We shall stick to this schedule without requiring explicit reminders from me. I don't want to remind someone and feel like I am nagging them. We can help each other out during those inevitable times when we cannot stick to the schedule. During such times, we shall give as much advance notice as possible.

8. All monetary accounts for shared expenses shall be meticulously maintained. We shall be accurate and fair, and allow no errors of approximation or "adjustment" in this process.

9. Any shared items (tools, furniture, etc.) shall be returned back to their proper place, immediately after use. We shall not leave them lying around haphazardly.

10. Any left-over food items, shared or otherwise, shall be put in the refrigerator immediately after we finish eating.

11. No food shall be left uncovered on kitchen counters or dining table. There shall be no food pieces or crumbs left lying around on floors, kitchen counters or stove tops.

12. We shall have a clear distinction between cooking items and eating items. Items such as vessels, plates, cups, spoons which are used for cooking, shall never be used to eat with or eat out of. Items with which we eat such as plates, cups, spoons, forks, knives, etc. shall never be used for cooking.

13. There shall be certain spoons, glasses, plates which shall be designated as mine. Nobody shall use them under any circumstances. Roommates are welcome to designate their own personal items.

14. We shall use serving spoons to transfer food to our plates or cups. We shall not do so with our bare hands as much as possible. If touching with bare hands is not avoidable (eg: to pick up a piece of fruit), we shall do so in such a manner that our hands don't touch that remaining pieces. We shall definitely not use our bare hands to break a piece of pakora or any other snack on a common plate, pop half in our mouth and leave the other half on the plate for somebody else!

15. We shall never spit in or wash our mouths in the kitchen sink. We use that sink to wash food items such as vegetables, fruits, etc. We also wash cooking vessels there. It is not proper to spit into that sink. We shall use the sinks in the bathrooms to wash our mouth.

16. There shall be no "borrowing" of each other's items (such as money, blankets, pillows, gadgets) without prior request and permission. Very personal items such as articles of clothing shall never be borrowed or lent. Please let's not even think of asking to borrow them.

17. We shall not mix our laundry. If I have left my clothes in the washer or dryer and the roommate wants to use it, I would appreciate it if he called me to remove them, rather than he removing and dumping them on the dining table.

18. We shall not open each other's mail. We shall avoid listening to each other's voicemail as far as possible.

19. We shall throw trash in the trash can. We shall not let pieces of paper, including used napkins and paper towels, lying all around the house. We shall dispose trash regularly. We shall not leave the filled trash bag right outside our door. We shall take it out of the house, straight to the trash bins.

20. Last, but not least, we shall settle monthly accounts soon after the end of the month, preferably before the fifth of the next month. We shall not wait until the 20th of the next month to pay up what we owe from the previous month!

Update on April 2nd, 2006: Did not like what I have written above? Before you decide to comment, kindly consider the following:

• I did not just wake up one morning and make up these rules out of thin air. They were born out of necessity. Most of them have been made after something bad happened. Meaning, the rules came out of bad experiences.


• I don't like or enjoy making up rules, or asking other grown-up adults to follow them. Everytime a rule is broken, it takes more effort and energy for me to correct another grown-up adult, than the effort it would have taken for that adult to simply follow the rule in the first place. So no, I don't enjoy these rules myself.


• Some of the rules I have listed above may seem extreme. Before you just react to it emotionally, try and imagine the worst possible thing that might happen if that rule was not followed. Then you will realize why it is necessary to have that rule.


• When two or more guys live together in a house, it can turn into a pig-sty very, very quickly. Now, some guys may not mind living in a pig-sty. I am not one of them. You need proper rules and good practices to ensure that a house is clean and comfortable to live in like humans.


• Yes, I know that non-vegetarian food can be delicious. Yes, I know that some people don't mind sharing a bathroom. Yes, I know there are all kinds of people in the world with their own preferences, and you have your own preferences too. Similarly, I have my own preferences. So, let's not get into the "you are wrong, I am right" kind of arguments.


• Remember that while these rules may seem too extreme or outlandish to you, there are people who follow these rules naturally, without anybody telling them. There are people who live like this without any issues. Respect them just as you would expect to be respected yourself.

Now, if you still have something to say, go ahead and comment.

Seat Belts: Better Safe Than Sorry!

Accident report: 2 die, 5 injured in I-17 accident

This accident happened on Sunday afternoon on Interstate-17, just north of Phoenix, Arizona. A van with 9 people, was travelling North to the Grand Canyon. The driver lost control, the van rolled over twice across the wide median (the median is almost wider than northbound or southbound lanes) and came to rest on the Southbound lanes.

I saw the van on TV in Sunday night's news. It had some body damage on the sides, some damage in the front, otherwise it was alright. After rolling over twice, it had come to a stop in the upright position. All nine people in the van were thrown out, 2 died on the spot, 5 were critically injured. A police officer mentioned that ALL nine people were not wearing seat belts. He also said that if they had been wearing seat belts, they would ALL have walked away from the accident, with minor injuries.

A few months ago, one of my friends had a similar accident on I-17, when returning from the Grand Canyon. He was in a car, with his wife and parents. The car flipped over. Three people had minor injuries. They had all been wearing seat belts. The only person who was not wearing the seat belt had multiple fractures. She had been sitting in the backseat.

Please wear seat belts when travelling on the freeway. Even if you are sitting on the back seat, wear seat belts. I have noticed that many people who come newly from India are reluctant to wear seat belts. Some people think it is okay to not wear seat belts if they are travelling in the backseat of the car. This is a carry-over of our behavior from travelling on Indian roads. We should remember that the average speed on American freeways is double or triple the average speed on Indian highways. At such high speeds, the possibility of serious injuries due to accidents increases exponentially.

If you have a baby/kid, please ensure that s/he is belted down properly when the car is moving. Holding the baby in your arms is NOT safe. If there is an accident at a high speed, it is impossible to hold on to the baby in your arms. The momentum causes the baby's weight to feel as if it is 10 times more than the normal weight. So, holding onto a 10 lbs baby feels like trying to hold onto a 100 lbs object, which is flying away from your arms! This is not an exaggeration.

If you are driving the car, insist that all your passengers wear seat belts. Better be safe than sorry.

Email Forwarding Etiquette

Forwarding non-formal emails (jokes, interesting facts, x-rated pictures, gossip, etc.) is a fact of life for most email users who have time to spare, and for many email users who don't have time to spare, but still make time to read and forward such emails. Most of the times, it is a relatively harmless pastime. However, it is essential to follow a few simple rules of etiquette to keep this practice harmless and to protect our friends as well as ourselves.

1. Use the BCC field: This is very important. Unless there is some truly essential reason to list all the recipients in the To or CC fields, use only the BCC (Blind Carbon Copy) field to address recipients when forwarding non-formal emails. By doing this, you protect the privacy of your recipients, protect their email addresses from reaching spammers and other unwanted people. Imagine this scenario: You forward an x-rated mail to a bunch of friends, addressing them all in the To or CC field. They forward it to their friends, keeping the names and emails addresses of your friends and yourself intact. Their friends forward it to a bunch of other people. And pretty soon, everybody in the world might have seen x-rated emails with the names of your friends and yourself in them. Do you really want everyone and anyone to know that you are reading and forwarding x-rated material on email? Do you want your friends to be exposed too?

2. Clean up the clutter: Yes, we are all busy people, and it's only a forwarded email after all. So, why bother with any clean up? The first reason is simple courtesy towards the recipients. It is irritating to have to scroll through dozes of lines or pages of information about previous recipients and senders of the email before reaching the actual content. The more important reason to clean up clutter is privacy and protection of others and yourself. The most common forms of clutter that you should delete from an email before forwarding it to others are, information about the person who sent it to you, information about other people who might have read it before you, any signature or footer information which may be automatically added to the email before it reached you. Often, such footers include information about the company or organization of the sender(s). Please clean these up before forwarding the email.

3. Use personal mail boxes: Talking of companies and organizations, almost every company these days makes you sign Internet and email usage agreement papers when you join them. Part of the agreement usually states that you won't use these systems for personal or unofficial purposes. Part of the agreement almost certainly states that you won't use these systems to share or distribute objectionable content. Almost every circulating forwarded email is personal and/or unofficial and/or contains objectionable content. Everytime you receive or forward such emails from your official mailbox, you are breaking company policy, which can cost you dear (including being penalized and/or fired). So, make it a point to use personal email boxes (your own as well as those of your recipients), and not official company email accounts, to share these emails. Access these personal email accounts from home. Even if you access personal email accounts at work, do not open forwarded emails. The objectionable material such mails contain might include a virus which could put you in big trouble. Also remember, most companies these days have content filters on their email servers which scan every incoming and outgoing email for objectionable content. Depending on how the filter is configured, it could stop the email from being sent or received and it could alert someone (like your boss, for example) about such email traffic.

4. Size matters: Keep an eye on the size of the email you are forwarding. Do not forward emails with huge attachments. These days, most of us have high speed Internet connections and most of us have high storage capacity email accounts. That does not mean that we bombard somebody's email box with several megabytes of junk email forwards. Let's have some courtesy. Let's be aware that our careless actions might clog up somebody's email box, cause their machine to crash, slow down their server, use up their available bandwidth, bring them unwanted attention, etc. I don't know what size emails are "okay" to send. I still remember a time when an email with just a 1 MB attachment could fill up an email box and take a long time to open. These days people casually send emails having attachments several MBs large. A lot depends on the kind of Internet connection and email account the sender and recipient have. So, there is no magic number I can recommend. Also remember, even if you forward a moderate-sized email to a large group of people, somewhere on your mail server, this moderate-sized email is copied as many times as the number of your recipients. So, the emails you forwarded might end up occupying a large amount of space on the server (for however brief period of time), clogging the network, causing trouble. Just use your common sense. If in doubt, check with the intended recipient or do not send at all. It is just a forwarded email for god's sake.

5. Reply-All Hazard: Every email which is addressed to a bunch of people automatically has a reply-all hazard built-in. Use email systems long enough (especially in an organization) and you will certainly come across instances when people make fools of themselves by doing a reply-all, when they should have only been replying to the sender. You might do it/have done it yourself! Normally, a forwarded email will not need a reply-all. If your sender is smart and has followed rule 1 above (using BCC field), even doing a reply-all will address the response only to the sender. However, in the rare cases when you feel the need to reply-all, check the name of every intended recipient to ensure that you really want to send your response to them, anticipate the effect of your action and do it only if you must. Apart from the potential of making you appear like a fool, reply-all responses sometimes have a way of going out of hand, and you wouldn't want to suffer unforeseen consequences or trigger an email avalanche.

I guess that's it for now. Share this with others who might need the lesson. Have fun forwarding emails and enjoy responsibly.

Ancient Mythologies vs Modern Stories

Someone mentioned on a message board that they recently read the Amar Chitra Comics as an adult, and realized that the comics they loved so much as a kid seemed to be poorly written. Their dissatisfaction was more with the content, than with the style of narration. They felt that some of the contents of ancient mythology, such as children being born "without consummation", would be hard for young readers to understand.

I agree that they have a point. But the fact that they liked the comics as a kid indicates that they comics are successful in reaching out to their target audience: kids.

The thing about ancient mythology is that, they have all kinds of elements - good behavior and bad behavior, violence, sexuality, anger, jealousy, courage, kindness, etc. Yet, these myths are not targetted at people of any one gender or age group or social strata. Most ancient myths are for the enjoyment of all people, every individual in the culture to which the myth belongs. The beauty of these myths is that they speak to the people on various levels (various personal levels as well as various socio-economic levels), and they speak to individuals at exactly the level of understanding and growth the individual is on.

So, a child can enjoy the stories of Krishna without really having to know the details of Krishna's polyamorous activites, where as, a young adult can enjoy Krishna's stories inclusive of his amorous adventures and a very old person who may not be interested in romance and sexuality, can enjoy Krishna's stories at an entirely different level. That is the beauty of ancient mythology.

This is not true of modern stories. Which is why, it is difficult for us to show most modern movies or share most modern books with young children. Parents these days have to struggle and come up with ingenous explanations and interpretations for kids about the stories they are exposed to on television and in the movies. Parents have to give unconvincing explanations to growing kids about why their access to certain stories and materials should be restricted. Ancient myths did not have these hassles.

Most of us grew up reading Amar Chitra Katha books, most of us grew up being exposed to all kinds of stories which would be considered taboo for children today. Yet, we turned out alright. In fact, people who are not adequate exposed to all aspects of life in their growing years, tend to have problems as adults in adapting and adjusting to new situations. So, Amar Chitra Katha and other books based on ancient stories may not be as bad as they appear to our modern left-brain educated adult minds. Also, children are amazingly resilient, insightful and understanding.

To be truly rich: Multiply!

Posted on December 21, 2004 20:26 PM EST

I am convinced that Addition is not the way to get rich. Multiplication is the way to get truly rich.

You cannot exchange a single hour of labor or a single product of your effort or a single service for money, and hope to get rich. That is not how it seems to work.

I mean, how much money can you make by exchanging hours of labor to dollars? Even if you are a top class consultant, there are only so many hours you can work and bill for in a day. You are constrained by the number of hours in a day and by your physical limitations. What one-of-a-kind product can you produce with your tools and skills, which can bring you a lot of money? How many of such pieces can you make in a day, a month? Just how much money would that be sold for even if you were the greatest painter alive? (Moreover, the worth of your painting is likely to go up after you are dead). The same logic holds for individual services too. Even if you are the best masseuse or hooker in town, there are only so many individual services you can give in a day and you can earn only so much. Your money-making capacity is limited.

I call this making money by Addition. In this method, to earn more money, you have to add to what you deliver or provide: add hours to your working hours, add to the number of one-of-a-kind products you can make, add clients to the individual service you provide. This is a tiresome way of making money and it is severely limited. You may be able to earn a comfortable living, but cannot get really rich this way. I am talking of filthy rich, being rich enough to throw money away, being so rich that you can never correctly tell exactly how much your riches are worth.

Now look at how these people make money: Stephen King writes a book, he writes it once. But he gets money everytime a copy of the book is sold. Millions of copies are sold and he makes millions. With just one time effort. And then the book gets made into a movie. He makes money then. The movie is seen by millions of people, he makes money everytime a person sees the movie. All this with one time effort. Similarly with movie and television producers and actors. They put in a one time effort and earn money on it over and over again. Beyonce earns the same way when she makes a music album. So does the richest person on Earth, Bill Gates, who makes a product once and sells it many times over, with some clever marketing and monopolistic strategies. In case of this last gentleman, it is truly impossible to exactly estimate his worth. It goes up everytime someone buys his product somewhere in the world, and it is a safe bet that his products are bought every hour, perhas even every minutes, day after day.

In each of the above cases, a single effort pays off many times over. Some of these continue to pay over and over through the decades. The money keeps flowing as long as the product is popular and bought with the copyright intact. This is the Multiplicative way of getting rich. On this path, there is no mid-way success. You won't get slotted somewhere in the middle class or upper middle class or some such wimpy category of richness. You will either be well and truly rich, able to afford all the first-class and business class stuff. Or you will go kaput and lose your investment. But the investment often appears to be so low, and the returns so high, the risks seem well worth it.

Clearly, putting your attention and effort into channels which multiply your wealth, rather than add to it, is the way to go. Compound interest (multiplicative/exponential) is always preferred to simple interest (additive).

I could almost convince myself to chuck my day job and put all my effort into writing a best-seller, ya?

Literal Interpretation of Spiritual Scriptures

Posted on November 16, 2004 18:8 PM EST

Spiritual scriptures are mostly about spirit, about the soul, about the non-physical aspects of God/dess. They are less about the physical world and its workings. The scriptures talk of the physical world and its workings only in the context of spirituality. For example, they may not contain descriptions of how an electric motor works. But they may describe what effect the consumption of certain physical foods might have on the physical body, and in turn on the subtle bodies, and how these influence the spiritual progress of a person.

When the scriptures are more about spirit, the interpretation should be partial to the spirit of what is being said. Not the literal meaning.

Most organized religions make the mistake of interpreting things literally. Even people who are supposed to be wise and intelligent make this mistake. Consequently, they miss the experience of the divine forest, becoming overly involved with individual trees. Often, they are not even involved with something as big as a tree, it is the trivial distractions of a tiny blade of grass or a thorn that takes up all the energy and concentration.

Consequently, the message of the scriptures become divisive instead of uniting forces, at all levels - personal, relationships, social, national, international. Personal growth is sacrificed, love is lost, society is divided, nations are weakened and they go to war. This makes no sense. This is not the way of smart, evolved people. It is like burning the forest just because a thorn pricked us.

It is in the nature of the forest to have thorns. Let us thread carefully with open eyes. It is in the nature of the spiritual world to have different interpretions, many of which may seem contradictory. Let us not allow them to confound and blind us. Let us keep open minds and open hearts. Let us live and grow in love and ananda.