"SO DO INDIAN MEN DESERVE NO LOVE ??? or DATES???"

Update on 26-July-2005: The post linked in the first line below and again towards the end of this blog, is no longer available on Craigslist. However, the person who posted it has started a blog: Your Guide to Dating An Indian. I find that blog to be below par and immature. However, I am providing the link here for documentation (huh?!) purposes. My original blog follows below.

Was referred to the following post on Craigslist: SO DO INDIAN MEN DESERVE NO LOVE ??? or DATES???

Here's the main excerpt from the above post:

[START QUOTE]

I can tell you the reason why most girls, desi or non don't like to go for Indians. I have heard more than 100 stories in the last few years from every woman I know who has dated or tried a relationship with a desi guy.

1. There is always that, let's have a relationship now and I love you and I want to marry you but I won't tell anyone of my friends or family that you even exist. You are just a friend and then one fine day, make a trip to India to "visit" family and the guy either comes back married or engaged and his answer is "sorry but they forced me and now I can't do anything." Some get even worse and then say, I always told you my parents would never approve of anyone that I found and other b.s. things like that. My point is, desi guys tend to want to lie and are dishonest about long term futures even when things are going well and they don't have the balls to stand up for someone even if they love them. <<<-------- This is the BIGGEST reason why I know most women wont even look at a desi as a serious relationship matter.. What good is it if he can't be a man?
2. They are too cheap. I have actually had a desi guy ask me to split a bill at Taco Bell.. I mean, hey I don't mind going dutch but ocassionally it would be nice to see a guy actually making things a little romantic than finding the cheapest way to a date.
3. They are NOT romantic. They have no concept of how to treat a woman period. They don't know about bringing flowers on special occassions or sometimes, just cuz. They don't know how to show their emotions and care for someone. Their idea of a date is sitting at home or at Naz, watching a Desi movie over a dinner at an indian restaurant. They have no concept of doing something to please a woman and let's face it.. desi or not, women love romance.
4. They still live in the world of "I want to have fun with a gf right now" but when it comes to marriage, I want my wife to a be "pure virgin." They want to go around screwing people by lying and deception and that's why they go back home to get their so called "virgins" to marry. Another wards, they are hypocrits!! You can't build a long term relationship with someone who is a hypocrit, lies, and builds a relationship based on deception.
5. Ugliness, Hygine, and manners - Not every desi guy is a tall, dark and handsom. My friend dated a guy who admitted to her that even today, he doesn't like taking a shower and usually goes 3-5 days without a shower, using the D.O. Some of them lack complete manners. They are loud when you talk to them.. they talk at you and no with you.. sometimes they make funny sounds which are perfectly acceptible in India but not here... And, people, what's with that thick bushy mustache? This is a very indian thing.. Most guys in India like to keep a mustache because it represents manliness.. but what good is your mustache if you can't stand up for your own self, make your own decision, and despite being 20 or 30 or 40, have to follow your mom and dad's rules? Mustache doesn't make you a man.. and WOMEN Don't like it!!!! Get rid of it!!!
6. If you ever go to indian "matrimonial" sites, they look for "slim, fair, can cook, clean, working or prefer to stay home, can take care of my parents and children type" and when these desi guys try to date, they also look for the same. Dating is not the same as arranged marriage. Arranged marriages are like a business deal and dating is when you actually get to know a person and see if there can be a future. Be open minded and ask for something that you deserve. I have seen too many ugly guys wanting the Julia Roberts equiv. from indian girls and it's just not realistic. I mean, most desis can make a decision to marry someone by meeting them for an hour yet, when it comes to dating, you seem to have too many demands that you yourself cannot adhere to.

I don't mean to generalize but most women will give you a reason or reasons between the above mentioned ones as to their experiences with a desi guy. Since there aren't that many desis to go around, once a woman has one or two experience like this, they stay away from desis in general.. Hence, anyone who may not even fit in to this catagory will suffer because of your fellow desi men who have used and abused these above mentioned criterias too much.

So, all of you desi men.. scratch that.. BOYS out there no matter the age.. Get with the program here.. Be sincere, honest, and pick which side of the culture fense you want to play in. You can't switch cultural sides when only it's fun to you and need someone for timepass.

If you are seriously looking for a relationship that can be fun and turn into something meaningful, do the following:

1. Clean Hygine.
2. Don't hide your dating someone to anyone, be it your family or friends. No one is asking you to intoduce them on your first date but when you have moved to base 2 or further, it's time to stop hiding. Hiding shows you have no good intensions.
3. Learn how to treat a woman and how to be romantic. There are plenty of free sites on the web that can give you some lessons on how to woo a woman or simply date
4. Be respectful and leave the hypocracies behind. Treat others as you would want to be treated.

If you can just follow those four rules, your chances of being noticed and accepted by a woman are higher. Good luck.

[END QUOTE]

My comments:

Unfortunately, she is right. I agree with most of the post, except for the bit about having a moustache. That has more to do with personal/cultural style preference and less to do with a show of manliness. Take that from me on faith. I know.

My theory is that most Indians - men AND women - don't know how to be good lovers. It's nothing new. We can draw a similar list for desi women. Centuries of getting married and getting a spouse for life, without putting in any hardwork to deserve and keep that love, has done that to them.

In almost every personal encounter with a woman - desi or otherwise - I try to make it nice and pleasant for her. But how much hardwork can a few us do to change the perceptions, when the majority of desi men and women are out spoiling it for us?

So, how to be a good lover? Just do what the girl in the above Craigslist post says: be brave, don't put on a false front, be a romantic, be clean, simple stuff like that. Is it too much to ask of a man? If you want a no strings attached some-some, just be honest about it from the beginning.

I agree that there are complaints about other ethnicities also. But there is something to be said about the percentage of people who cause such complaints within a particular ethnicity. There is also the perception angle. Whether it is factually true or not, perceptions stick to you stronger than super glue. And ethnic perceptions are the strongest. Desi women complain about us, videsi women complain about us. We - desi men - have a responsibility towards our brothers and sons to change that perception among women of the world. Seriously.

Just hard work is not enough. Smart work is needed too. Remember, it's all about perception. This post on Craigslist has done a LOT of damage to the perception, man. I can only hope that post was not on the Best of Craigslist. That fricking page is read by people ALL OVER the country!