Friday, July 29, 2005

Indian men and Inter-racial dating

A post titled, Indian guys, white girls, and more..., prompted me to write this blog. In that blog, an Indian guy who has "no trouble dating women (of any ethnicity)" gives us a 10-point advice on making ourselves more date-worthy. He also seems to imply that the lack of these 10 qualities is the reason why we don't see a lot of white women dating Indian men. It's too much of a bait for me to resist. And for the record, I have dated a few white women myself.

The points listed in the above blog are generic good pointers for life, not only for just dating. And they will certainly help in the dating arena.

However, it is wrong to think that the lack of these qualities is the reason why we see less white women with Indian men. And having these qualities won't guarantee you a white woman either. It doesn't take a genius to realize that there are enough non-Indian losers in the US who don't have most of these qualities and still score white chicks.

In my opinion, the main reasons why there are not enough white/black/hispanic chicks hooking up with Indian guys are three:

  1. Racial differences: This is the primary reason. Most women have very specific race (and also height, weight, looks) preferences when it comes to dating. This is especially true of the Western women. If you belong to the race which the woman prefers, you have no problem. However, if you belong to a different race, it is not easy to cross this race preference barrier, unless you are an exceptionally attractive specimen of your race (and being rich helps too). The average man - Indian/white/black - is not such an exceptional specimen.


  2. Cultural differences: Even if a person is not very specific about ethnicity or race, there are still cultural differences to surmount. The cultural differences between an average American and an Indian raised in India are just enormous. Put the average white girl and the average desi guy in a room, and watch them talk. Chances are, everything about them is different - their language, their ideas and beliefs, their interests, their preferences, everything. They might have an interesting conversation because of these very differences, they might even be able to have a short fling, but anything steady or longer term is very very difficult. It takes enormous maturity, flexibility and intelligence on the part of both people to be able to carry off anything steady or long term. The average person - white chick or Indian guy - does not possess this enormous maturity, flexibility and cultural intelligence. And nobody blame the Indian guy if he is not in tune with the latest Western fashion trends or music! Why should he be? If he likes lounging around in a lungi, watching Kal Ho Na Ho, that is his culture and his preference.


  3. Personality: I am talking of the personality of the average Indian guy in the US. What is his profile? Middle class Indian background, middle class values. Probably above average in studies. Probably below average when it comes to chatting up the girls, even in India. He is pretty stable and responsible, but he is not a playa by any definition of that word. How can he come to the US and play the field successfully? Especially when racial and cultural differences are aligned against him? It is too much to expect. On the other hand, I know a few players from my college days in Bangalore who could come to the US, not follow most of the 10-point advice listed in this blog and score more white chicks than even the average white boy. Scoring chicks is an in-born talent for them. It is in their personality. Fortunately or unfortunately, most such Indian players don't score good grades and end up in jobs which don't bring them to the US. I am not suggesting that you need to be a player to date foreign women. But you do need some skills to surmount the racial and cultural obstacles in the romantic arena. I don't think such skills are available in plenty among the typical Indian tech workers in the US.


Bottomline, most Indian guys in the US are just not made for inter-racial dating. I am sorry guys. I know it sucks to hear this. I know it sucks double when you go to a store or restaurant or tourist spot and see white guys or even retarded-looking hispanic guys accompanied by hot-ass chicks acting like kittens begging for their petting. I know it sucks triple when the most female social contact you have is either small talk with your colleague's wife or that average/ugly single Indian girl at work who usually has half a dozen Indian guys surrounding her and who shows nakhras like she is the Queen of Sheba.

That is the price Indian guys have to pay. It is the price for earning big bucks in a foreign land. It is the price for being born in a culture where dating is still not the primary method of picking your partner, a culture in which girls act as if talking to or going out with a guy who does not look like prime husband material at first glance, is the equivalent of losing their virginity to a stranger on the street. So, just grin and bear, jerk off to porn/fantasies of white women, get married to a nice sensible Indian girl, have smart kids and continue the glorious traditions of our glorious culture.

For the other Indian guys who are aware of all this and still want to score white women, I wish the very best of luck. I am a great advocate of inter-racial dating and mutual sharing of stories, dreams, food and various bodily fluids as the best way of experiencing other cultures and expanding one's horizons. And please guys, try your best to make it an experience she will remember with pleasure. We have got a reputation to build and maintain!

Here's a related post specifically for non-Indian women who are interested in Indian men: Dating Indian Men I

103 comments:

  1. well.mostly Indian guys date white girls bcuz..white gals are not showy. also other reason is that they dont pretend to be vergins. some guys also think dat desi gals are ugly (reality) & demand more from u.

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  2. Also, desi guys fall for what they think white women are, not the white woman as she actually is. You think white women are giving (as many Indian women are), intelligent and accepting, but the truth is that white women can also be materialistic, judgemental (especially when it comes to India), and controlling. When the desi finds out the truth about his white woman, he's not so sure anymore that he wants any part of that, even though of course, there are many white women who are truly awesome... the odds of finding one of those and being able to work things out when there is trouble... is a LOT of hard work. Instead you can just have a peaceful, risk-free, brain-dead marriage with an Indian wife. *Sorry couldn't help the sarcasm* :-)

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  3. "I know it sucks triple when the most female social contact you have is either small talk with your colleague's wife or that average/ugly single Indian girl at work who usually has half a dozen Indian guys surrounding her and who shows nakhras like she is the Queen of Sheba.

    That is the price Indian guys have to pay. It is the price for earning big bucks in a foreign land. It is the price for being born in a culture where dating is still not the primary method of picking your partner, a culture in which girls act as if talking to or going out with a guy who does not look like prime husband material at first glance, is the equivalent of losing their virginity to a stranger on the street."

    Now wait a minute. Back that truck up .....And why do the average/ugly Indian women act like that? [as if Indian men are the lord Kamadeva incarnate - average/ugly indeed]

    Because Indian men's double standards suck bigtime...These guys have this "woman who mingles freely = loose woman" mindset. They'll happily go around with such a woman, have "deep conversations" culminating in a fling, and when it comes to marriage, they'll get cold feet, suddenly remember their parents and say they cannot hurt them as she is not of their caste/creed/whatever. Then like good little boys they'll go back to India and marry a "good" desi woman who never had a bf and who's still a virgin.

    Ok I'm generalizing - but only because you are.

    Women behave like you said above *only* because the culture is like that, dating is not the norm, **and** the men have double standards.

    So women can't afford to be no-frills buddy-buddy type. Men want the gameplaying, so they get the gameplaying.

    Priya.

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  4. Can you please please please please tell me what is the "BIG" deal about dating white women?

    Now, if you were talking about women in general, I would understand, but why this narrowing down of the playing field(pun intended).

    Do I sense an undercurrent of something?

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  5. nachiketas wrote:Can you please please please please tell me what is the "BIG" deal about dating white women?

    nachiketas - My blog refers to white women because the original blog which led me to writing this one refers to white women. Further, you might have noticed that I also refer to black and hispanic women in addition to white women. They form the three most prominent ethnic groups in the US. So, they are mentioned. Otherwise, my blog in general is about inter-racial dating w.r.t Indian men. So, I am really referring to all non-Indian women.

    Having said that, I think that when it comes to inter-racial dating, Indian men prefer white women over any other ethnic groups. This is probably because being fair-skinned is equated to being better looking in India, and that has percolated into our (sub)consciousness.

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  6. priyamvada_k wrote:Women behave like you said above *only* because the culture is like that, dating is not the norm, **and** the men have double standards.

    Priya - it is not *only* because of the reasons you have listed above. I feel the more important reason can be summarized by an old saying, "in a place which has no tree, the coriander plant acts like a tree". In a land where desi girls are in the minority, and good-looking desi girls are a minority within this minority, it is natural that the average/ugly desi girl acts pricey, depending on how much she is in demand. It is simple demand-supply logic.

    I am convinced of this because these girls show nakhras not just in the dating arena. Even in normal day-to-day interactions, they can act like that.

    It is very rare to find a good-looking, smart and capable person who is also nice and humble. People like you are those rare finds! :) Please send you photo and phone number so that I can confirm my finding! ;)

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  7. Many Indian men seem to want to score white women because she is a staus symbol...you know, like a new car. "Hey guys, come and see what I got."

    A white woman is a fantasy. Do you really think Indian guys sit around thinking about how to have a relationship with said woman? (Any woman for that matter) Hell no, they think about going out and being seen with her, they think about having sex with her, and they think about what their friends will say once they are seen with the holy grail of girl.

    I think the sorry truth is that lots of Indians are ashamed of their skin tone- that is why light is right. It is sought out. How many Desi men do you know seek out a "dark" bride.
    Ive heard one guy say that marrying a white girl is a must because the skin color is right for having kids. Look at Norah Jones, he said, isnt she perfect?

    You mentioning black and hispanic women was merely a courtesy perhaps. It's not a secret that Indians arent out cruising for ethnic darker skinned girls. They may be curious about what the ride is like, but it's not the ideal to be seen with, and what's the point if you cant be seen with her?

    And everyone can ya, ya, ya about generalizations and things about India and Indians being not true from here to hi-to, but people dont come up with this stuff from no where. Maybe you dont do it, but there are 20 who do. Im so sick and tired of Indians crying about how untrue things are. It kills credibility even further. It would make more sense to say, yes, it may be like that for some, but not for all. Display a blance!!

    If Indian men or any men for that matter were really interested in relationships it wouldnt matter what ethnicity the girl was.

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    Replies
    1. You are 100%right. Indian men are known for notoriously known for dating black women for sex and marrying wHite women for their complexions. I as a black woman have dated them but did not go having sexual intercourse , because at the end of the day I want to keep my dignity. At the end of the day I read all these stories of their tactics.

      Delete
  8. Desi men suck big big time..they look for meek domesticated women who can tolerate all their nonsense...their is more of it than sense though...they would like the woman to accept them for their beating, verbal abuse and what not ..shyt.

    Show me one guy who is couragious enuff to marry a whore fall in love with her and lead a decent life ..If she wants to..
    Show me one guy who will marry a divorcee, Show me one guy who will marry a woman left behind by another maman as in betrayal..with kids in tow..
    U talk about Indian women..eh..
    Talk about Desi Dudes who masturbate in hiding..

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  9. wow, what a world we live in..some of the Indians are as dark as me. I am two years nearly, with my Malyalee man. We're very happy I must say; most likely we'll have beautiful DARK, Kinky haired children....Oh, I forgot to mention I am a very proud African American woman!

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  10. Most indian men (be it a guy in india or one working abroad) fall in the category very aptly described by blogger Ammani's Quick Tale.
    To quote it

    ''
    Specifics

    ‘Modern with traditional values’ – he would write in the matrimonial column, about the wife he wants. Ask him what he means by that and he’d say ‘She should wear jeans but not shorts. Should pour me a drink but not have a sip herself. Should know cooking. Using a microwave. Can have short hair but not too short. Should go to work but not in a demanding career.’ Roughly, this would be his answer. And he will get a wife who meets his criteria''

    Whether the marriage is arranged by parents, or whether he chooses a girl for himself, this is exactly the expectation of most Indian men.
    Indian men's double standards shock me to no end..
    And, someone had mentioned that it would be a 'brain dead' marriage to marry a desi girl..That person is probably in a deep slumber and havent really 'seen' desi women..

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  11. Great entry! Call me crazy but i think the right person has no color, no religion, no country. The right person for you is the right person no matter what anybody else says.

    However, finding the right person is hard. It takes a lot of work cuz you have to look at the details
    of the person. It's not so much how SHE or HE makes YOU feel... but whether he or she feels
    the same as you about certain things. It is how this person feels about the little things in
    life that would determine if he or she IS the right person.

    Here's a cool little blog entry on how "Little things indicate GREAT LOVE"

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  12. Hi Guys, This is an american woman here and who is dating a indian man from Baroda, Gujarat, India..Some of your guys are right about that White woman arent showy. OK i will say this at first i was not talk about for the first year, when we were together. It was about his parents, his Friends. I was about US what we want in life. He knows that i wont hold him back from his goals in life. Now we are together for 4 years and plans for marriage is coming up. See guys there are the RIGHT woman for any Indian man. I always told him that i wont keep him from his culture or his family and what they believe in. REMEBER i never judge him or where he is from, all i did was read on his culture learn alot about india on my own and ask him alot of Questions...I know about the caste and all that.. Being middle class myself and his family is too, Yes there different in both classes. U might not think so but there is. I never look at his color of his skin but what he had in his heart is more i can say for the american men here in the USA. All they what is us to give them little slap and tickle, another places on there belt. I show him alot of love and understanding in his life. I will love and honor him as his wife. Have u ever heard of "behide every man theres great woman" u might not think so but its true. Like someone was saying about that white woman are like a car. Thats true in many things. It like i said earlier... that i was not talk about or heard of thats for one reason and the other is how beautiful i was, how his friends or family might try something with me or cause trouble for us.

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  13. There is definitely truth to your statement that race is a big part of it. Many white girls just won't cross race to date an Indian guy, just like many Indian girls in India won't cross racial lines to be with a white guy.

    I am an Indian guy born and raised in America. I am average looking but my dating life is much better outside of my race than it is inside my race. I don't know why this is - probably statistics. My brother is married to a white girl.

    My biggest problem with the original article that this blog references, is the implication that white girls are 'all that'-like they are some kind of prize. Indian girls are great (and are just as hot as any white girl).

    I'm in a situation now where i can date any number of white girls but its very difficult to find ones who aren't head cases. Here is a generalization about white girls: many white girls in america like to think they are modern liberalized women and enjoy dating and casual sex starting from their teens and through to their young adult life. They are proud about their sexual openness and see nothing wrong with say- "hooking up" with a guy after a frat party. By the time they are in their late 20's these "sex and the city" girls have emotional handicaps, baggage from past relationships, and insecurity issues. It is not difficult for a guy to get a date with such a woman as she is now getting needy and desperate.

    Now a generalization about Indian girls: they take dating more seriously. They might have had a boyfriend or two, but they've treated sex as something that actually means something and involves consequences. By their late 20's such a girl is proud of herself and confident that she deserves and will find a decent man to marry. It is difficult for a guy to date such a woman unless he is serious.

    Before you jump on me, the above generalizations were just that - of course I realize there are white girls who are not promiscuous and there are indian girls who are.

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  14. I am a white girl married to Indian guy from Punjab. We have been married 5 years now and are very happy.

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  15. Hi- I am a professional whhite woman dating a wonderful Indian man who is in medical school. He says he loves me very much, but it will be difficult for his parents (particularly his mother) to accept me because I am the divorced mother of two children. Any ideas on how to deal with this?

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  16. I am born in America. I am a "Black" woman.
    I have dated a man from New Delhi, and another from Punjab.
    I find many Indian's to be very brainwashed by silly European and American racism. Many silly Indian ppl have an image of Black woman having loose and low morals. Some do, as do MANY White women. One stereotype is that most White women date and marry Black men because they are very promiscuous and they are extremely lustful of the large penis which most Black men possess.
    Myself, I am not casual about sex, and I have not been promiscuous. My friends and family are VERY prejudice against Indian ppl. They think Indian's are dirty, smelly, and culturally inferior. They did not like it when I dated the Indian guys. They think Indian ppl have a lot of NERVE snubbing their noses to African-Americans.
    I personally think we can benefit from Black/Indian alliances and marriages. If you look closely there are more similarities than differences between the two. Middle-class African-American and desi values and culture are more closely aligned with each other as compared to other "races."
    I think VALUES, TRADITIONS, INTELLIGENCE, and MORALS are better factors in determining a successful union than brainless categorizations such as shades and hues of skin color, hair texture, etc. We could all be happier if we can free our minds of this stupid junk.
    Some people can be very dim-witted in spite of their “education.” Come on people…WAKE-UP, THINK, AND GROW!

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    Replies
    1. hahaha black men have larger penises that's the biggest lie on planet earth, here is proof that the majority of black men are only 5 -5.5 inches,

      go to the US average self reported statistics and look at the black majority states they are no different from the rest

      http://www.everyoneweb.com/worldpenissize

      Delete
  17. I am very interested in these opinions because recently I met an Indian guy through mutual friends.
    He lives a few hours away, so we talk on the phone sometimes a couple of times per week. Recently, he has curtailed the calls and I am confused. Do Indian men like the fantasy of "talking" to an american girl, but are too chickensh.. to follow through?
    Confused

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  18. I happen to be a white girl that finds Indian men incredibly attractive. I came to this realization when I started a job where there were several Indian men working in my department. After getting to know them, I have found that I appreciate their work ethic, intelligence and fun sense of humor. I can't seem to get interested in white guys anymore. They are boring and annoying.
    I have a massive crush on an Indian guy at work. Due to a strict religious upbringing I have never dated, and so I am also relationship/opposite sex ignorant. I didn't realize he was attempting to get to know me better until a few hours after the fact. I assumed he was married. Have I completely screwed it up if it sounded like I was rejecting him? How do I show my interest without being overkill? I know this isn't an advice column but I need help! Another question, why don't Indian men wear wedding rings on their left ring finger? Completely frustrating!

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  19. Response to the last anonymous comment: Hard to answer all your questions on a blog comment. Send me an email and we can talk about it. My email address is libranlover-at-gmail-dot-com.

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  20. I've been reading a lot of these blog responses and the many things I see about black and hispanic women and stuff are quite interesting. I see that the media is trying to be successful as to selling the stereotype that black women are promiscuous and loud and showy. First of all, I am black and I am not showy. I think that is what the problem is, people rely on hear-say rather than diving into someone's skin, learn about them, and THEN make a decision. I believe that interracial dating reguardless of which races mix gives us the chance to learn about another culture and also break the boundaries that a lot of people have set. So, I'm black and I find Desi, Asian, Hispanic, Whites, and some black men VERY attractive. I could care less what race you are, all I'm interested is your personality and that you are an open-minded individual.

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  21. very interesting conversation. I am also a black woman in her mid-20s who grew up in the southern u.s. where dating outside of your "race" has always been taboo. However I grew up in a mulitcultural city/school and had an Indian mail best friend. I met an Indian guy overseas last summer and he is moving to U.S. soon.
    American families are totaly different from Indian culture, but so are white families and latino families. I won't pretend to know alot about Indian culture but if you find happiness with someone you should go for it. Why is the discussion about white women? Black, latino, caribbean should be an option too. "Inter-racial" should not be limited to just white women.

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  22. To : Anonymous "I am a white girl married to Indian guy from Punjab. We have been married 5 years now and are very happy."

    I'm a latino girl - been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (Hindu/Punjabi) -how did your bf family react when he introduced you and wanted to get married?

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  23. Here is a desi gal dating a white guy. I have been with Indian men and american men in the past and premarital sex was never an issue for me. Indian men were surprised cos of my sexual liberation and I was sort of too weird in beliefs for american men. All in all I think the fetish about body type and skin tone depends from person to person. but in general I feel like many smart, goodlooking and outgoing men seem to necessarily have a crush on the white woman. Some reasons for this, I list below:
    1. I feel like imperialism did take quite a toll on India...left the indian mofos feeling inferior to the white skin.
    2. Added to that, the first sexual exposure for an Indian guy is more likely to be some porn mag or porn video which features a white woman with an exceptionally hot body. There begins the lust for a white woman and develops into this fetish.
    3. Indian women, because of the way they dress or because of their genes dont seem to have thin frames with big tits. I think some white women may score additional points in this area.
    4.Easy sex. Sex with an Indian woman comes with some costs. Because of the social upbringing, once you screw her, she falls for you. Its easier to get rid of a white woman after sex.
    5. White women in general have a competitive life in terms of getting a guy. So they seem to be in general better dressed and presentable than the average indian women of the same caliber. Also Indian society is not superficial, so dressing, being sexy is not as much stressed on. A white woman is a trophy for many Indian men.

    Well, you get into it, get ur ass ridden and then understand that it is not too easy to cope with the white woman because she has strong preferences and she wont compromise easily over anything. Your parents visit you for months at a time and she will probably freak. She cant get along with your circle of desi buddies who keep calling and visiting many a time. See what I say?

    Anyways, I dont think the best of the desi guys find the best of the desi women. I have seen some great looking guys settle for a B-Grade white woman only to be with someone white. All the preferences and standards these desi guys set for Indian women dont seem to apply to white women. You are ready to mate with your housekeeper, a waitress, etc which you woudnt do if the girl were Indian.

    And personally, not being racist, I dont like Indian guys. I dont appreciate the fact that no matter how hard you look, you cannot find anything taller than 5'9". Unkempt hair, no timely haircuts. And double standards. Sorry desi guys!!

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    Replies
    1. calm down your categorizing one of the most heterogeneous populations on Earth, and btw Punjabis and Pakis are tall

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  24. desigal - Women in general, and Indian women in particular, find it hard to accept when a guy tells it as it is about himself. They prefer to stick to their own notions about a guy, rather than accept the truth from the horse's own mouth. Nevertheless, let me dispel some of the myths in your comment:

    1. You said Indian men prefer white women cuz they feel inferior to white people. This is quite not right. Men of any ethnicity are not turned on by women to whom they feel inferior. There may be a few exceptions, of course (think dom-sub fetishists). However, lots of women get turned on by men to whom they feel inferior.

    2. More than hot white women in porn, Indian men are exposed to teasing and tantalizing glimpses of hot Indian women in movies. So, going by your theory, Indian men should have a greater fetish for Indian women.

    3. As far as I know, thin frames with big tits don't necessarily score higher points with Indian men. Indian men have a greater preference for the "medium" Indian figure.

    4. From my experience I can tell you this - it's not just sex which is uncomplicated with white women. True romance and friendship is also uncomplicated. Westerners in general have greater experience with dating. So, they are smarter in the way they think, in their attitudes and in the way they communicate about every aspect of dating. The Indian woman in contrast is an extremely complex creature when it comes to romance and dating. There may be a few exceptions. But in most cases, ever aspect of dating, romance and sex with Indian women comes with cultural baggage, personal issues, etc. I am talking of both serious romance as well as casual relationship. Let's face it, most Indian women just don't have proper training, maturity of mind and the right attitude when it comes to these matters. The same goes for Indian men too. However, men are by nature simpler and more predictable - Indian or otherwise.

    5. Your point no. 5 and the very last paragraph in your comment are virtually the same. In point no. 5 you mention why Indian men might like white women more than Indian men. And in the last paragraph, you mention why YOU like American men more than Indian men. The reasons are the same: both American men and women are preceived as being better groomed and more attractive. There are two reasons for this:

    1. There are indeed more better groomed Americans than Indians. "Better groomed" by the criteria of current fashion. If today's popular fashion across the world had been defined by old Indian fashion, it is the Americans who would have looked worse off.

    2. The exoticism of the "other" race - for dark-skinned people, white people seem exotic and attractive. For white people, dark people seem the same way. I have met many white women who have claimed that they find dark men much more attractive than white men. There are some who've said that once they went to a dark man, they found it very difficult to be attracted to a white man again.

    I think these two are the real reasons why Indian men are attracted to white women. I have no doubt that if Indian women were more liberal in their dating life, like you, they would also find American men to be more attractive.

    Finally, I want to personally tell you a few things:

    1. Indian men might have difficulties getting along with white women, in the long run, due to cultural differences. The same is true for Indian women who are in a relationship with white men - it's not any easier for them either. The Indian woman has to surrender much of her Indianness in order to make the relationship work. There are a few exceptional white men and women who are able to get along very well with Indians and their culture.

    2. All the reasons you listed for not being attracted to Indian men is true for Indian women also. It's not as if all Indian women are well-groomed beauty queens. Most of them lack a basic sense of dressing, aesthetics and personal hygiene. As for their figures, the less said the better. And height of Indian women? Most other Asian women have a petite body to match their short heights. But a lot of Indian women have a fat blob body with a short height.

    3. As long as it is a casual affair, Indian men WILL "mate with a housekeeper, waitress, etc." regardless of whether she is a white woman or an Indian woman. You are quite mistaken, if you think otherwise. Further, I am sure you know that housekeepers and waitresses in the West are quite different from those in India. In the West, it is not uncommon to see middle-class and even upper middle-class women do such jobs. Not so in India. So, an Indian man dating a white waitress might be dating a true middle-class American girl. I don't see anything bad or degrading in that. Your terming those women as B-grade reeks of ignorance.

    4. The casual way in which you use words like "mofo" and "get ur ass ridden" suggests to me a degradation in your values (assuming you had them in the first place). As an Indian guy, I am glad that you are no longer attracted to Indian guys. I think it's no big loss for us. No need to say sorry. :-)

    Cheers.

    LL

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  25. Whoever wrote this article is very sour that he cannot find white girls to date. It's unfortunate that there are so many Indian women who are beautiful, smart and have a great personality yet our Indian guys are turned on by inter-racial dating.

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  26. anonymous wrote: Whoever wrote this article is very sour that he cannot find white girls to date.

    Don't know what part of the article makes you conclude that, anonymous. But you are quite wrong. As mentioned at the beginning of the blog post, I have dated white women. I have also dated Indians, other Asians, Hispanic and Black women. When it comes to dating, I don't let race come in the way. I am an equal opportunity dater. :-)

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    1. Libran Lover wrote: "I am an equal opportunity dater."

      I thought that I was the only one that used that phrase, but I guess I was sadly mistaken. :-) I am an equal opportunity dater as well.

      As I am a beautiful blend of Belizean and Choctaw Native American femininity, I see no ethnicity, skin-tone, or cultural difference as a barrier in a relationship that's worth fighting for.

      I found this blog during my quest to gain some insight into the Desi-male psyche with regards to inter-racial dating. I've been fortunate to meet an awesome Punjabi guy that I completely adore. However, when I broached the subject of inter-racial relationships he jumped off a figurative ledge with an explanation that had totally digressed from the topic at hand.

      Plain and simple...I wanted to see if there was a cultural chance that an "us" would ever be possible before I allow myself to become any more emotionally invested.

      From the entries that I’ve read thus far…It would seem rare and somewhat unpromising for those of us who are darker beauties with open minds and hearts. Please say that I’m assuming incorrectly.

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  27. Why an earth would Indian guys want to demean themselves by dating White women?

    You have your great culture and traditions which if you later have children, they will not know who they are.

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  28. Enigma - Thanks for sharing your story. Very glad to hear that an interracial relationship is working great for you. Good luck to your family and you. Have a great life filled with love and happiness.

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  29. im an indian guy engagned to a pretty asian girl. i never liked desi girls because i always saw them like if they were my sister. her parents can't speak english but they trust me more than they trust their daughters "same-race" husbands. we bond so well and i think its becuase we are both christians. we are having our baby due next year so im excited how its gonna look like. if i had to give a tip to an indian guy on how to get a girl from another race is believe that being indian is exotic and you should be proud of. don't hide that your indian instead show it off. you will show confidence which most girls are attracted too. my lady and i have a blast making fun of eachother race. also when you interracial date.....PREPARED TO GET MESSED WITH by (in my case) asian guys. i had a few asian men come up to me and they said "this girl is going to waste." also don't be desperate. don't hit on a non-indian lady that dating a indian guy.....its stupid(just because she is dating one indian guy doesn't mean she wants to date all indian guys). my girl get hit on by indian guys at school when im not around. oh yeah....if you hang out with indians then non-indian girls will think you like only indians. diversify the people who you hang out with. hope i helped.

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  30. I am sadden greatky by all the closed mindiness of people about Indians dating out of there race..I am Black and my boyfriend is from Kerala..he is scared to introduce me to his family/ friends because he worries they won't accept us..which is really upsetting to me..if he wasn't so wonderful and kind I wouldn't not bother being with him.. because of his fears.. and being that no one he knows I am black..they all know he has a girlfriend..but they don't know my race.. but I know if I relationship continues to be successful he will have to tell his family/ friend..but he scared because he dated a girl from his neighboring country and his family had a cow...so I know how they would feel about me..where we live indians and black people live in the same apt complex..indian people look at me like I am dirt when I am with him..it is unbelieveble how ignorant people can be..and sad.. I am fair skin.. that what my boyfriend call it..lighter then most of the Indian people I see...I think it is insane that in there mind that white is right... and if we stay together we will have to face so much mess..but I guess it is the price worth paying at least for me.

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  31. I think this whole skin color issue is exaggerate by outsiders. Most indians don't care about skin color. Or issue about being black or white. Most indian parents want their children to marry another. That's only practical. I don't approve of Indian Hindus marrying Blacks or White. It is selling out and it just proves you're self-hating. If your proud of your culture then you'd marry into it. Period. If you want your chidren to carry Hindu culture then you need to marry into it.

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  32. Most indian mann date and marry indian women. Very few indians date whites or blacks. There's nothing wrong with respecting your culture. Others should do the same.

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  33. White men suck big big time..they look for meek domesticated women who can tolerate all their nonsense...their is more of it than sense though...they would like the woman to accept them for their beating, verbal abuse and what not ..shyt.

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  34. on one of the above comments, i would like to say that indian men are not the only ones who prefer white companions, indian females have the same feelings toward the white male population... and i definetly agree about fair skin as being more "beautiful" so that subconsciously finding a white person attractive is true in most cases.

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  35. ok - so i've been involved with a desi dude for five years.

    *sees eyes widen, mouths drop open and... "sala..omg..wtf... being uttered all over this great hemisphere....omg she even knows sala!*


    yes, he's great with western culture.

    but i've learned a lil of the desi way myself (country-raised white girls and city-raised desi boys are more similar than you should think.)

    so that's not the problem...

    my only peeve is - he clams up about everything when it's "not perfect in life". i understand that is the way you are raised (as was i...in america.) but, he's not at home...not at his parents... it's okay to vent.

    but still he insists on clamming up, bottling up...and i'm worried about the day that he actually blows.


    why is it so ingrained into your heads that annoyances and anything other than perfect should not be mentioned in the day to day?


    i know he wants to vent. he knows i care and am not going to run away... but yet he remains stoic.

    why?


    ---- on the other hand (and this is another tip on trying to score a white chick)

    why is it when i go into a chat room and make it public knowledge that i am involved (and yes i speak a certain dialect of north eastern bharat).... 35 babus try to be my moshay.

    it's annoying. lol stop! i have a man, i dont need 35 others.

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  36. Hi, I'm a white woman dating an Indian man from Kerala (it's funny how many posters here are dating men from that state! Something in the water?) and his parents just moved to the U.S. My boyfriend is really, really sweet, handsome, and thoughtful -- but he's definitely still getting used to the U.S. and having his parents here is strange -- he hasn't told them or his relatives about me. So not surprisingly, we've been having a lot of problems lately because of this, and I'm beginning to think the relationship isn't worth it because of the cultural baggage that he comes with.

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  37. Hello, Dating is not my problem. Marriage is never between two people. It is also withe families. But if you love some one then you will have to overcome the issues like everything else in a married life. Show me a perfect marriage I will call you a lier. Indian men and women are like any other human beings. Culture you have to overcome and you will if you care.
    Good luck all.

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  38. nicely written article.
    the pendulum swaying little on the pessimistic side ( but it may be the truth :)

    so let me sprinkle some hope
    into ur points..(into myself)

    1.racial preferences - there is nothing we can do about that. but sometimes racial preferences changes over time.
    being a desi..i used to like only beautiful desi girls and white girls. but now..i actually like latins/blacks/azn as well.
    desi's can only hope that non-indian women's racial preferences change. of course..it takes time..(generations)

    2. culture - again a tough nut to crack esp for long term relationship. But for dating, i guess if u have something in common..ie. music/food/movie/sport-interests..
    it may be OK. But unlike race..there is something that can be changed.

    3. dating->marriage - In many posts non-indian women quote "oh..indian men are not into marrying non-indian women..so we dont date them".
    Even if we assume this is true..I dont understand why this is a big deal for non-indian women in US/Canada.Most of them anyways have multiple relationships/marriages before they settle down with their final partner. Here are the possible reasons
    a) either it's a politicall correct cover for the ethnic/racial non-preference.
    b) or, only for marriage, they want indian men..not for dating/having-fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, NO.

      No woman of any race wants to be used as a pastime. (That's why Western men, and particularly whites, are preferred. They are open to whatever comes next in the relationship, most of the time.) A woman with self-worth simply will REFUSE to date someone who doesn't take her seriously from the start if she can see it.

      I assume this holds true for men too. I guess you wouldn't like it if the girl you like/love tells you she is willing to experiment with you, but she will only consider white men as possible husbands (after seeing the baggage most men of color come with, even I, a non-white girl, have started considering so. Unlike Easterners, most white men don't have a problem with me being Hispanic. In fact, they love it and feel in heaven when I reciprocate them. And, unlike Black and Latino men, they are not womanizers.)

      But, yeah, I might consider dating an Indian man. But for my emotional health's sake, I will never get emotionally attached to him, even if he does it for me.

      Delete
  39. Hopefloats - I have responded to your third point in a post called Why non-Indian women prefer to marry than just date Indian men? Check it out.

    ReplyDelete
  40. the truest thing in life is this
    "cultures don't clash, people do"

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  41. I am a white girl considering going on a date (lunch) with an Indian man I met on the train on the way home this evening. I have no experience dating anyone outside my race. Not that I'm opposed to it, just haven't had the opportunity. This man seems very nice, well-educated, and interesting. He moved to Canada from India in 2004 to go to school.

    When I told my Mother about this she got very concerned. She warned me that women are treated very poorly by Indian men and that women are considered as much less than equal. She also warned me that Indian men will often seek out white women simply for sex but would never be in a serious relationship with one or consider introducing them to their family etc. I'm a very liberal person and I don't think in 2007 it's a good idea to generalize an entire culture based on stereotypes but I would like to know, is there any truth to what she says? Should I be concerned? Also, I can say with conviction right now that, as a non-religious person, I would never consider converting or raising children in another religion. Is it pretty much a garauntee that, if a man moved here from India just a few years ago, he would be strictly religious (Muslim, Hindu, Shiek) no matter what? Or are there people in India that are not religious?

    I appreciate the advice and welcome any thoughts on the subject.

    Thanks!

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  42. Michelle26,

    You admit that generalizing an entire culture based on stereotypes is not right. Yet, you ask me these questions and expect me to generalize on an entire culture! :-)

    For starters, India is not even one culture. There are dozens of cultures within the country! So, it is extremely hard to generalize. Did you read my other post on dating Indian men? I have tried to address many of your questions in that post and the comments that follow. After reading that post, if you still have any questions, let me know.

    There are plenty of guys outside India who seek foreign women without the intention of getting married to them. If you are much older and/or divorced and/or have children already, the chances of an Indian guy marrying you is very slim. There are Indian guys who fall in every range of the religious spectrum - from fanatical, evangelical types to the fanatical atheists. So it is hard to generalize on this. The same goes for how Indian men treat women - there are those who admire and worship women as goddesses, those who are totally pussy-whipped and those who treat women like dirt. Not possible to generalize on this either.

    Please remember that there are exceptions to everything. Also that your Indian friend is an individual human being with his own unique background and circumstances. So, you'll just have to get to know him yourself. Just have your bull-shit detector on at all times, be very clear about what you want from the relationship and be even more clear in communicating your want to him. Indirect hints don't work with men from any country.

    Hope this helps.

    LL

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  43. I have learned so much from this blog. Thank you.
    Can anyone share any ideas on my questions please?
    I have an Indian male friend, who I've found to be very clingy and dependent. I enjoy his company, his humour, wit and intelligence but we are not boyfriend and girlfriend.
    Anyway for some reason I am aware that he doesn't take me seriously enough yet takes himself very seriously--- he admits too seriously as it happens-- so is easily offended and expects we are betraying him or talking about or belittling him, when we are not.
    He's confessed to having viewed my relay of some of my experiences of life in my own country, to my having been, "excitable"--- only to admit later I was right. (Why he couldn't honestly tell me at the time, I don't know) I find his almost superiority mentality somewhat a patronising attitude and arrogance on his part, as if I as a women cannot be trusted to be anything above being overly emotive, though I was clearly stating my life experiences as well as the well-known and publicised observations of others within my group.
    My friends and relatives also notice that he's too, "vain and precious" in his attitude, far too dependent on women and takes a lot for granted.

    Unreliable (and unstable) he also expects to be picked up afterwards and for women to look after and think for him, to baby him. The guy is 40 and not grown up and so I've told him to pull his head out of his orifice.
    Friends and family admit they tolerate him only because he's my friend, for my sake.
    Oh yes, he's always looking for a wife and falling in love/readily infatuated with the single women in my circles but refuses to even look at Indian girls --- tho' I find them to be very beautiful.
    Having never been to India, I'm wondering to what extent his immaturity is reflective on his background upbringing or just his character, because otherwise I enjoy his company and find he's generally charmingly pleasant and above all a gentleman, tho' very emotionally needy?
    He's not very happy at all.

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  44. I forgot to mention he's a womaniser too and this has been my general experience of the Indian men in this country.

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  45. Hannah,

    You have described a very immature and insecure person. Sounds like he has much growing up to do. It has nothing to do with his Indian background. I personally don't know anybody like the person you described. But I'd suspect there would be such people in most countries.

    LL

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  46. Hannah, Indian men and womanizer.

    I am 28 and yet to touch some skin.

    ReplyDelete
  47. THANKS everyone for your comments. I believe he is immature and insecure - though kind hearted and generally well meaning.
    The eldest son, @ 40 he remains a mummy's boy, though she's thousands of miles away in India. He's only ever lived away from her, these past couple of years and even then, calls or internet phones several hours every day - and of course sends money home to her every month, while he’s living with his girlfriends and/or expecting them to drive him around in their cars, with very little financial reciprocity for their vehicle wear and tear/running expenses - and he refuses to drive for "ecological" reasons, though happily rides with others. (Dependent on his female friends, he expects and takes too much for granted and they soon tire of being his unappreciated taxi and maid service).

    I wasn’t sure if his leaving his mess around and expecting women to clean and pick up after him and look after him (including my sick female cousin) was some sort of cultural gender role thing. Now you've cleared that up, thanks! Though well educated, he remains too irresponsible and also expects others (women) to think for him.
    Initially it took him a while to accept a platonic friendship and my female relatives and friends have tired of him checking them out, wanting to date them. His just staring/watching makes them uncomfortable. They'd accepted him because he's a colleague of mine but now avoid him because he's too obvious/forward, too needy and he creeps them out. Clingy, his G/friends soon ditch him after a short while.
    So thanks again for clearing that up.
    And yes, I'm afraid he is a, "womaniser" - and has admitted as much - which is why I'm his platonic friend only - though' even that friendship, I'm considering ending because of his overly precious and vain attitude as well as over-dependent and obsessive nature. He's become too capricious and so unreliable - I only hear from him after his latest in a string of girlfriends has dumped him.
    Despite all of that he was a shoulder to cry on when I needed and can be very caring, funny and a gentleman if need be, which IMO can be hard to find but even I have my limits.

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  48. Why wait around for this man's 2nd childhood when he isn't over his 1st.

    Give the big baby a miss.

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  49. Sad to say in New Zealand foreign too many single guys are marking time; that is they're here until they get NZ citizenship to enable them to get into countries otherwise closed to them without NZ Pasports, such as Australia, USA etc. So without families, permanent jobs, homes, or cars, they have nothing to show they intend to stay and are regarded as risky fly by nighters, not to be trusted. Which means they travel here as students with their eye on the main chance. Kiwi women are suspicious of becoming 'colateral damaage' merely sought for citizenship and/or playthings
    http://www.realwomen.co.nz/component/option,com_fireboard/Itemid,60/func,view/catid,2/id,23929/#23929

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  50. I find Indian guys to be attractive but I have heard that the majority of desi men marry Indian women. Is this true? I am Chinese by descent and grew up in the States. Right now there is a guy that I like who came here for college (he is in his early 30s now). I'm guessing he is less assimilated than someone who was born here. My question is--how likely is this guy to marry a non-Indian? One of my friends says the percentage of Indian men who marry Indian women in the U.S. is very high (like 90%?). I'm just thinking--what are my chances with this guy? Any thoughts welcome.

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  51. Discombobulated,

    So sorry for the late response to your questions. I had marked your comment for response, but then lost track of it. Anyway, I hope you will read this late response.

    It is true that Indian guys mostly marry Indian women - even the Indian guys in the US, UK and other foreign countries. This is true even of Indians who are born and brought up in a foreign country. However, there are indeed Indians who marry foreigners of all races, although their numbers are comparatively very small.

    For your specific situation and your boyfriend, it is very hard for me to answer definitely. After all, I know nothing about your bf. Why don't you ask him the question in casual, generic terms and see what he says? Although you may not be able to hold him to a casual answer given to a generic question, at least you might know a little bit about how he feels about inter-racial marriages, etc.

    Hope that helps.

    LL

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  52. I'm a 38 year old white American woman whose practiced yoga for 20 years and has been a vegetarian since I was 13. I'd love to date an Indian man but it is difficult, my shyness their shyness and on top of that where do you meet eligible Indian men? Temple? Somehow that seem disrespectful and I'm certainly not running into a ton of Indian men in bars, not that I frequent bar all that much now days. So alas I can only admire them from a distance.

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  53. Anonymous,

    You are right that it wouldn't be kosher to hit on a man or woman at an Indian temple. Nevertheless, a temple can be a good starting point to get to know Indians. In India as well as in the US, people do socialize at temples, to some limited extent.

    Also, in temples of most big cities in the US, there is usually a space with a bulletin board or a table where people leave fliers and pamphlets for Indian events taking place locally. Many of these events are religious. So, they are great places to meet Indians.

    And then, of course, there is the Internet. There are many online groups and websites where Indians socialize. A lot of them are not necessarily dating sites. I personally feel that non-dating websites and mailing lists, which are dedicated to specific interests and activities are great places to meet quality people.

    Of course, all the usual warnings about being wary of what type of people you allow into your personal space and life applies here. Good luck. I hope you meet nice people and have good experiences. Feel free to write to me about how things turn out for you. My email address is on the top right hand corner of this blog.

    Cheers,
    LL

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  54. to Hannah
    The comments about him taking himself very seriously but not you and his vanity and talk about you being 'excitable' made me think OMG you know the same guy!
    Except the one I have been seeing is neat much more than me-but has no kids to look after.

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  55. I dated an Indian guy and he used to beat me up every chance he got. I called the police and had him deported from the U.S. I hate Indians and if I see one in the store I spit on them. You never see them in restaurants because they are too cheap to take a woman to a restaurant. They lie all the time, have no respect for women and to me they are all whores.

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  56. Vitoria Ames...

    I am real sorry to hear that your boyfriend used to beat you. I am Indian male. I was born and bred in Malaysia. You should generalize by hating all Indians just because your boyfriend hit you and by chance he was Indian. What if he was white or black or hispanic? Would you hate all of them as well? I had a non-indian girlfriend for 2 years and I have never once raised my voice nor hit her when we had arguments. As a matter of fact, I had always loved her. So please, again, do not generalize.

    I hope your next relationship does not turn sour like your previous one.

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  57. oppss. I meant to say you should not generalize.

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  58. Thanks auscrawl.

    I’ve had a BAD relationship with an Indian man & this blog has helped me understand and heal from the hurt. Thank you all!

    At 41 this man is unmarried and STILL such a mummy’s boy! His mother did everything for him and the Indian women friends I have; say the men go from their mothers to their wives, who in turn spoil their husbands also. Why would he bother coming all this way from home only to ring and consult “Mom” every day back in India??? Can he not think for himself? After all he is “educated” so has 4 tertiary qualifications?

    Why is it b/c I’m divorced (through no fault of my own) and non-Euro, I’m looked upon as “easy” and only a 2nd class woman, a sex object by Indian me? It’s bad enough white men see us native women as that!! I’m not white so only for illicit sex, not good enough for marriage? He definitely prefers white women as potential brides, to show he’s made it!!!!

    Reading the blogs I now understand why he treated me so badly. I am native NOT white & as I said, divorced. So all the time he was trying to get me into bed, by feigning friendship, he was dating and looking for white girls to marry. He refused to take me seriously or my achievements and definitely did not believe I did not want sex outside of marriage.

    Now I realize from the blog pages, how it’s looked as being detrimental, my having been an abandoned wife. That it’s a token thing for some brainwashed Indians to have a white woman. I always got that impression from him, that white was right, yet he was dark chocolate colored! I feel so betrayed that a fellow colonized person would see me as inferior for not being white enough, though I as mixed race am whiter than he.

    On the other page I see LL has said Indian men prefer white women to any other ethnic groups, because being fair-skinned is equated to being better looking in India, and that has percolated into our (sub) consciousness. Many Indian men seem to want to score white women because she is a status symbol... like a new car. "Hey come and see what I got." A white woman is a fantasy. My “friend” had that fantasy!

    It’s sad that Indians are made to be ashamed of their skin tone - that light is right. It is NOT but that attitude is certainly true of my former friend, yet he is a very dark skinned Indian. I’m whiter than he BUT white skinned women were what he actively sought out. He secretly only wanted me for his free whore b/c despite my being mixed race, I wasn’t quite white enough.

    How many Desi men do you know seek out a "dark" bride? Reading matrimonial ads in the Indian newspapers you couldn't help noticing how everyone wants a "fair" bride. Why?

    Indian's would have to be very brainwashed by silly Western, European and American racism to see white as the epitome of success. It’s been my experience that Indian and non-Indians have an image of Black/colored/darker woman having loose and low morals I.e. only for sex.

    I now understand from the blogs and replies how imperialism obviously did take quite a toll on India...left the Indians feeling inferior to the white skin. A white woman is a trophy for many Indian men yet there are so many Indian women, who are beautiful, smart and have a great personality. But inter-racial dating turns on our Indian guys.

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  59. I am in my late 40s and became involved with a younger Indian man at I met at work. This is my first inter racial relationship. He's romantic, intelligent, sensitive, funny, loyal, and an incrediable lover. I believe he finds the same qualities in me, and race plays no part whatsoever. No matter who you are, get past the differences and find happiness for yourself with the right partner. I'm so glad I put race aside and got to know him. (oh, and Indian men can be HOT! This one sure is!)

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  60. Blindian Bengali/African girl.9/18/2009 04:33:00 PM

    Okay, I might be a little late, but let me get this straight for the white girl who wrote this post.

    You are not going to like this but here we go:

    You are putting yourself as a white woman and you sound very ignorant. Truth be told, Indian guys date white girls from a stereoptypical stand point because they think white girls are not as tradtional and are not as intelligent when it comes to keeping their legs closed as opposed to desi girls. I am half Bengali and half Black, so I am proof that a marriage between a brown man and a black woman can happen. You are so ignorant. The truth is about Desi men is that they value Beauty...That is it. Now, it depends on how that guy grew up. Some Desi men who were born in India value the traditional standards of beauty that lives in India which is light skin, petite frame, long hair, tiny feet, blah blah blah. The truth is, you make it seem as if Desi men are on the prowl for white women when that is hardly the case. This is 2009 and no one thinks that white women are the most beautiful type of women anymore like they used to. Really, exotic women are the most sought after type when it comes to male preferences. Look at Jessica Alba, Beyonce, Angelina Jolie (Who does not have strong european features)etc, etc. Sorry honey, but Indian, Black, Mixed race, and Spanish women are considered to be the most sought after kinds of women when it comes to beauty. Moreover, Indian men have a lot of cultural values. Do you think an Indian mother would be happier if her son brought home a gorgeous white girl who seems to be kind of ditzy and does not come from a good family, or a black girl who is attractive and comes from a good family who is intellectually astute and is financially sound. Sorry to say it, but most of the time when it comes to skin complexion, lighter is preferred over dark with Indian people (due to british colonization), but in the end I think a descent Indian guy (who is not racist of course), would definitely date a minority girl here in the states. I am going to take up for the Indian men. I think Indian guys are awesome. They are really sweet and shy (based on my experience) Oh! and they love to give compliments!

    I am a mixed raced dark girl dating a Punjabi man who says he would never bring a white girl home. He says that he does believe that Indian men should marry Indian women because of xyz (I won't get into it, but he also thinks that it is okay for Indians to date/marry girls who are a minority since we are all people of color or tropical people (kind of open mind set for an Indian guy huh? lol) My point is NOT ALL INDIAN MEN LIKE WHITE WOMEN PER SAY.

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  61. An interesting blog, fascinating replies. Thank you all.

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  62. Sad to say I have been disappointed in my Indian friend. He was keen as mustard for romance when he thought he was chasing a white woman but once he accepted I am in fact mixed race Indigenous, I was immediately 2nd rate.

    He wants a white, blue eyed, pink skinned, fair haired bride and the rest of us non-whites, mixed race, brown, native women were merely objects to use.

    Bad enough the white invaders employ that racist devaluing of us as being little more than sex machines of no worth but worse when another migrant race of non-white heritage comes into our tribal land to degrade us in this racist manner also.

    Having read the other pages linked into this blog, I am pleased to note above how not all Indian migrant males are so brainwashed by British & US imperialism, as to prefer white brides only!

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  63. Ah, thank you to the blog-owner LL. Finally now I understand, having just read one of the other pages you linked to this site & how this blog is in reply. You've explained a lot.

    "8--- Stop judging people (why do you desi guys just want white chicks, eh? stop judging black women, or latin women, or asian women. you ******s stereotype white women, and then complain of people stereotyping you ???"

    Now the penny's dropped. This LL blog is SO much better!

    http://datinganindian.blogspot.com/2005/07/indian-guys-white-girls-and-more.html

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  64. Indian American9/21/2009 06:10:00 PM

    Hi, I just thought I'd throw in my two cents as an American-born ethnic Indian male. It took me a long time to learn things that seemed more natural to white friends. But I learned a few things, the hard way, so I will try to pass it on.

    One thing I can tell you, is that yes, many white women will not date outside their race, even though they won't admit it. This was especially hard for me, as there were very few Indians growing up. But as far as the ones that will? As I said, my high school was very diverse, so interracial relationships were common. But in more homogenous neighborhoods, it was still considered taboo. I think this results in two types of women who will date outside their race. 1) The women who have had a lot of exposure to different ethnicities and cultures, where it is not really an issue for them. and 2) The women are intrigued by breaking the taboo, rebelling against their family, or just looking for an "exotic" boyfriend." This may be a gross generalization, but I find it to be true, not just for white women, but all women. The rules are slightly different for men, where women are still sometimes paraded around as "trophies" to other men. Especially with white men and asian women, or black men and white women. Anyways, as far as the first group of women is concerned, they generally come from more educated backgrounds, and are more educated themselves. Likewise, they are harder to come by, and more in demand. Not only that, but they are more likely to be financially independent, so you will have to have more to you than just a comfortable salary. The second group tends to be the exact opposite, usually coming from less educated backgrounds, and may often come with extra baggage. They can be fun to play around with, but they can also get you into a lot trouble. They also tend to have lower incomes, so be careful of gold diggers.

    As silly as it looked, that "Indian guys, white girls, and more" blog actually did have some good pointers. The general gist of it is, you have to WORK to make yourself more interesting and attractive to the opposite sex. Girls only go for the "strong, silent type," when they're in high school. If you aren't willing to improve yourself in some way, don't expect to have women falling for you. I would add to his list, go to the gym. Even though I hear some women say they aren't into muscular guys, or they like a little tummy, they are usually saying that to be nice. Trust me, when I was working out three days a week, I had women trying to jump me right at the bar. Most of the things he mentions, will just help you get the initial attention of women, not actually how to get into a relationship, but that initial attention getting is crucial in increasing how many women you can choose from. Oh yeah, dancing is huge, but you can't look too flashy doing it or they will think you are gay. Women love to dance, so learn how to. One last thing, Kegel exercises. If you don't what they are, google them.

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  65. Indian American9/21/2009 06:13:00 PM

    Man, I had a whole lot more to say, but I had to cut it. I would just say, check out this site, it's funny, and has some truth to it: http://www.laddertheory.com/

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  66. Indian American9/21/2009 06:39:00 PM

    Oh, I would add, after reading some comments, most Indians in India are dirt poor, and their daily existence is that of just trying to survive. But the majority of Indians that come to the US, generally come from upper middle class families (which is a small percentage of the population) and a lot of their attitudes are based on that. Yeah, the caste system is changing, but it is still around. And most of these people had servants growing up who did the cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, maintennance, etc. Even though housewives might sometimes do the cooking, they act more as "directors" of household chores. The fact that they don't clean up after themselves has less to do with sexism and more to do with class issues. The Indian women from these families have a hard time adjusting to American life as well, when they find that chores that were considered undignified for "ladies", are considered responsible homeowner practice here. Another thing you will probably find is that few of these Indian men know how to do things like small plumbing repairs, or drywall or roofing that so many middle-class Americans are accustomed to. Really, only the very wealthiest Americans hire other people to do all this type of work, unless it is a huge job. But Indian immigrants, from their privileged backgrounds are simply clueless and helpless.

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  67. Indian American9/21/2009 06:50:00 PM

    One more thing, even though the comment is over a year old. Looking for an Indian guy because you're into Yoga is like looking for a Japanese guy because you like Samurai swords. Ok, nothing wrong with really, but the whole yogi-mystic-guru thing is a stereotype blown way out of proportion. I have had some ignorant people start asking me about Yoga as if I was an expert on the subject simply because of my ethnicity. I don't know if I was offended, but I definitely felt like those people were naive and foolish. Really, that is tiny, tiny aspect of Indian culture. Most Indians don't really give a rat's ass about Yoga, and most of the "gurus" and Yogis are just charlatans conning gullible marks out of their hard earned cash. It does have health benefits, as does any exercise regimen, but these yogis haven't really made a lick of difference to the millions who are living in mud huts without plumbing and suffering from malnutrition and disease. That being said, some Indians, mostly upper class, are into Yoga and mysticism, but some are just playing up the stereotype to bag gullible white chicks.

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  68. Gullible like those who were sucked in by that guy in the movie "The Guru"??? LOL!

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  69. Thanks for the LOL about the Kegel exercises. Very true if the guy isn't very well endowed.

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  70. 5 inches is kinda small don't you think?

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  71. I am in my late 40s and became involved with a younger Indian man at I met at work. This is my first inter racial relationship. He's romantic, intelligent, sensitive, funny, loyal, and an incrediable lover. I believe he finds the same qualities in me, and race plays no part whatsoever. No matter who you are, get past the differences and find happiness for yourself with the right partner. I'm so glad I put race aside and got to know him. (oh, and Indian men can be HOT! This one sure is!)
    ---
    You have proved the point many others have made which is that many white women will not date outside their race, even though they won't admit it. You are in your late 40s but this your first inter racial relationship. When you are already way past your prime and white guys are no longer as interested in you as they used to be.

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    1. Maybe we are dating the same guy?! I too am in my 40's divocred with 2 adult sons and a grandchild. I had never looked at an Indian man in a romantic or sexual way. Then I met my man at work, he kept asking me out, I kept knocking him back for months.Not because of his race, colour or traditions but because he was another male hitting on me, as I saw it. I finally relented and thought what have I got to lose? I am certainly glad I had put my heart on the line,now knowing him better, and as I said to him I nearly missed out on a really good thing. He is kind, gentle,generous (something I can't get used to) and very complimentary and loving. He is the most beautiful guy I have ever known. We have only been seeing each other for a month and his parents have been begging him to go home. He asked me what should he do. I told him to go,who am I to stand in the way. He feels like an outsider in his family as he was raised in boarding schools and came to my country straight out of school. I joke around telling him they have a bride waiting for him (he is 31),he always says, no way! I had let my guard down with him and now he is going home my guard is back up. I am prepared for the phone call saying I'm not coming back or I now have a bride. I'd be stupid to think otherwise,even though he tells me he's coming back...

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  72. Wow all this poo poo about White women...and I thought it was Asian women all the men were after lol

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  73. By the way I'm an Indian Malayalee man in Med School and very much in love with my beautiful latina. She is the best of both world's and I don't care what tradition or family has to say I'm making her my wife after graduation.

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  74. I find peoples' comments here to be opposite from my experience..

    I grew up in the US in a fairly traditional south Indian home and would have loved to date desi guys.. but I just wasn't the bollywood princess they were looking for. I wasn't into the brown drinking parties, Bhangra dances and bollywood,but very much into classical arts and traveling to India before it was cool.

    I finally got sick of being judged for my dark skin and for being 'different' and decided to date outside my race. I've been with someone who loves me very much for who I am and thinks I'm gorgeous. I do miss sharing my culture with my partner and worry about having bi-racial children, but maybe how 'Indian' I want to be in the future can be up to me.

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  75. ponnu123,

    Sorry to hear you didn't find like-minded Indians in the US. That must have sucked! Perhaps you were looking in the wrong places? There are plenty of young Indians in the US (and everywhere else!) who would totally vibe with you. I am like you myself - I'd rather have meaningful friendships based on shared interest in things deeper than drinking and partying.

    I totally understand your feelings about not being able to share the culture with your partner. Don't worry too much about the future for now. Concentrate on the present and on having the best possible experiences in the present. The future will take care of itself.

    LL

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  76. Hi.i am a white girl n i am in relationship with a catholic indian man,he is very good boy n his family love me a lot,the problem is that my father will never accept him like my husband.i am scared if i make a mistake marry him.

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  77. What is the big deal,it is all about preference. If some Indian guys prefer something different it's their wish.

    As for Indian girls, the author is right, they are not very attractive.

    It is inbuilt into all people to find desirable genetics, that is the law of attraction.

    Arranged marriage is the worst thing to happen, it makes horrible matches and destroys the gene pool.

    Marriage should be based on attraction and not arranged.

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    1. Brainwashed much?

      Some of the most beautiful women I have seen were Indian. And there are many other Indian women who look much better than your typical white.

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    2. Like who? And white women are stunning and they use skincare and mani pedicures and hair salons regularly and keep in shape. They are anything but typical.

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  78. I have read many of the comments on this page and I must say that some of them are positive and some are quite negative. I am an african American girl dating a man from Pakistan-as we met on facebook-and we get along beautifully. He came to America to be with me and soon we plan to get married. While he was in pakistan we would cam for hours a day, everyday and he even introduced me to his entire family in this way! Even though his family greatly disapproves of our union, they sent him to America to study..He is studying so hard, working, living in poorest of conditions, and saving all money he is making to eventually marry and live with me- as he is currently in another state than I. for three years we have been in constant communication and just last month we finally met in person. We are now most definitely bonded to each other now and we're working hard to make our marriage come to reality. When I visited him, he did not introduce me to his friends knowing they would be so very cruel..he wants to protect me from the mean stares I would have gotten from his friends but he took me to an indian/pakistani restaurant- which was full of his people and he was not ashamed in the least to be seen with me. He treats me like a queen. It really depends on the individual asian whether skin color is an issue for him or not- he and I are the same color but I am very obviously of another ethnicity than he, still he loves me for who I am. He has told me many times that skin color does not matter...but only desires to have someone he identifies with and shares the same morals. We are not even of same religion. He is muslim and I am christian but we have the same soul and this what really makes a huge difference. The thing to remember is to keep an open mind, be willing to sacrifice maybe a few of your ways and he should also be wiling to do the same. When it all is said and down, people are people. A man is a man. We all have our preferences and we will follow our desires and be close to those who love us...and if the love is true- culture, race, religion, and even time will not separate or destroy the relationship. A shout-out to all the Asian guys who keep it real and marry for love-not class, race and status. You are a brave sort and true definition of a REAL man. Much love to you ALL!

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  79. Come on guys....which nation male is all perfect for the bottom less well of a female mind :-) why beat up the poor Indian male !! he will just cry more louder than ever !!!

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  80. These is very idealistic...keep it up!....Online Dating

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  81. The problem is not the interatial dating... the problem is the lack of Real Love... i am white, blue eyes, and latin blood woman who lives completly in love with an indian guy. Our differences are big, but we ve learnt to love each other in these differences. Of course nobody around us can understand this, but one of the points of Real Love is to LOVE in the differences.
    Dont forget friend! Love is the only force that could jump all the abyssm.

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  82. I meet my younger southern indian male lover at work 3 years ago when i was in my early 40's, it is a very physical casual r/shp yet there was another level, intellectually we get along very well, we also got to know each other on a personal level and supported each other (not financially). we always met at my place, i was never invited to his house where he shared with 2 other unmarried indian males. when i asked to meet his friends and asked why i was never invited to his house i was told that " the only people who come to the house are people that everyone knows " hmmmm read between the lines..... only Indians come over to our house. even as a friend, he could not have me over for chat and tea. shy of the age difference and what his friends would tease him with? not independant from his family? as he had talked about his "pending arranged marriage" and we were not in a serious relationshiop i asked if he was seeing any other women, his reaction was to cut me off completely as if asking that question was the worst thing i could have done and i was told "if u feel like u had enough or u want to see someone then u should go for it.". I was shocked that he would tell me just like that. for a second i was feeling bad for asking "about other women" had i crossed a line? all i could think was how racist it was that indians only marry indians (yes generalision i know) , indians only hang with indians, they wont introduce you to their friends or go any where with you, like movie and dinner. For all those who are new at this or thinking of dating indian man please realise its only ok if your are prepared to be for sex and nothing else. everything we had seems so fake and sour now....

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  83. i'm not an indian but a filipino.i don't like the way you describe or simply generalize your own women!how could you say mean things to them?you know what's wrong with you guys?it's how you look at them and treating your women like second class citizen!i know we have differences between culture and tradition but for pete's sake!we are already in the 21st century!you should be proud of your own women.it's not easy to be a wife nor a mother.you should appreciate how these women sacrifice their lives for their families.it's not easy for them to give up so much for their family.and don't look at them as just mere objects!they are human and they have inherent worth and dignity just like you.you should be grateful that you have women like them who knows the value of life,love and family.you can't find that at these days.men should grow up!women are not born to be enslave by men...they have their own mind to think and to decide.women should be treated equally not just mere subjects.and pls stop looking at women as sex objects!i believe that indian women are one of the most beautiful people in the world..be proud of that!!!!

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    1. I wonder the same thing.

      These jokes of men go drooling over any white only because of her skin...even if she is ugly as hell, and keep demeaning the beauty of their own women (once again, just because of their skin) when Indian women can be really gorgeous!!

      But when it comes to marriage, they won't care how many values and how sweet the white woman can have and be. After they have fulfilled their fantasy, they will eventually drop her. They will only settle for someone they perceive as easy to dominate and willing to serve them, which in their minds is a supposedly docile Indian woman.

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  84. I believe that your 3 reasons are good enough why interracial dating are difficult, however, there are lucky ones who finds the love of their lives though from diff. culture because they take each other as they are and respect each others differences, I guess that's what matters most.

    matchmaking online service

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  85. I have a wonderful marriage. White blonde, Indian man.We like and love each other for who we are as people. The only thing I have noticed with the cross culture is this. It can be hilarous. There a lots of cross culture marriages. Always has been always will be.

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  86. It isn't hard to understand.
    ------------------------------

    Indian guys like White girls because:

    a) In India, lighter is better.
    b) They think all White chicks are easy (They are not all easy!)

    White girls like Indian guys because:

    a) American women put high value on a man having money, good job/work ethics, and high intelligence.
    b) They are the fine middle between dating a Black guy (which is usually frowned upon)...and dating a White guy (which is totally boring.)
    c) They have idealistic vision of Indian men as being loving and romantic (from watching American movies)....This is VERY untrue. Most are selfish, unromantic, and only think of sex.

    ---------------------------------------------------
    What's the MORAL of this story?

    White chicks only want money.
    Indian guys only want sex.

    ...True Story. ;)

    P.S. Most White men and White women find Indian women to be very beautiful and exotic.

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  87. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  88. Does any of this matter? No, it doesn't. The body is a conglomerate of organs that is dying every day. Physical appearance has minimal importance. Its who were are inside, the soul, that truly counts. We are all ONE and together eternally. All men, women, animals, plants, rocks, etc... are beautiful to GOD. The notion of better is a false concept made up by the mind/ego of man...None of this matters folks.

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  89. I'm a black woman from Haiti and I dated an Indian man from Hyderabad Raghuram Kamath. In the beginning it was an experiment, I wanted to see how Indian men were. Turns out, they're the worst ever. Never again, he was the biggest scumbag ever, did drugs, was cocky,superficial, just very low specimen. He thought he was the shit and didn't even own a car. He was trying to be "western" and "cool" and adopted this "bad boy" persona which was ubber bullshit. Stay away from these backwards people from India.

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    1. Isnt There one of those in every Culture, Race and Sex? try not to date Asshole's then say whatever you want to about an men. I am Sorry if i sound harsh but its just the truth. and backwards indian people? seriously after dating one guy from india?

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    2. My guy was different. He was an smart ashole. He told me I love you, but love it is not enough. Then he asked me to look for my happiness.

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  90. My biggest mistake was loving a guy from India with all my heart.

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  91. Desigal jealous of white women much? Your post is disgusting and untrue. I'm white and with a Punjabi man and maybe we fell in LOVE it is not impossible. Also white women often just look after themselves well do to societal expectations doesn't mean we r competing with anyone.i get along with all my partners friends and I cope with his family we r actually going to visit them so stop being so stuck up and judging. Also some Indian men r very attractive no wonder u can't find one with your plain angry attitude. The truth is a lot of Indian women have attitude and are rude to men and cold where as white women are kind and generous and social.i know what I'd rather have if I were a man as a wife.

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