21 Tips to my 21-year-old Self

I will be 31 very soon. If I could go back 10 years and meet my 21-year-old self, what advice would I impart to him based on the past 10 years of my life? The following for sure:

1. True love is built over a period of time, by two people who reciprocate the feelings and share many experiences together, both good and bad. That kind of relationship is worth your heart-break and heart-ache, if it does not eventually work out. A relationship in which you are the only person who is in love, while the other person does not reciprocate similar feelings, is not love in its true, real sense. It is just infatuation. Even if your feelings are extremely intense, sincere and earnest, it is still just infatuation. It is okay to feel a little disappointed and sad if such a one-way infatuation does not pan out, but it is certainly not worth your heart-break and heart-ache.


2. Even if the person reciprocates your feelings of sincere infatuation and affection, in their own way, but the two of you don't actually have a relationship, don't even call each other lovers or partners, don't spend time together, sharing the good things and the bad things which life has to offer, then it is not a true love relationship. It is just a two-way infatuation. If this does not turn into a true relationship, there is still no need to go through overwhelming heart-ache and heart-break. A little more disappointment and sadness is alright.


3. Never take more than three steps closer to someone you are interested in, without them reciprocating. In fact, the ideal situation is where both of you simultaneously, or at least alternatively, move closer towards each other taking one equal step at a time. But life is rarely ideal. You being a man, there will be many occasions when you have to take a few more steps closer to a woman, before she will take one step closer to you. Never let these 'few more steps' exceed three steps at any point of time. This is especially important at the beginning of the relationship when you barely know the woman. Don't throw yourself at her and pursue her unless she shows suitable interest and reciprocation. Of course, later on, when the loving partnership is steadily and firmly established, throw these calculations out the window and be totally generous and uncalculative with your beloved.


4. Women who don't express an interest in you during those first three steps, will almost never become interested in you later on. There seems to be an antenna in men and women, especially so in women, which subconsciously tells them very early on, whether they might pursue a relationship with someone. So, don't spend a lot of time and energy taking more than three steps towards someone who does not want to take even one step towards you. Don't think that you will not find love unless you work hard and take a lot of steps towards a lot of women. You don't need to. Repeat: YOU DON'T NEED TO.


5. You will come across women who will admire you and love you, simply for who you are, just for the way you normally live, talk and behave. With the woman who is right for you, you don't have to do anything different or extra, or put in a lot of hardwork and pain to make things work. Things will just work out naturally. All that you need to do is be yourself. Being yourself should include being sincere, being truthful, being clean and nice.


6. When a woman is interested in you, she will let you know. If she admires you or loves you, you will know. If she wants a relationship with you, that will become obvious to you soon enough. So, never ever deceive yourself with thoughts such as: "May be she will become interested in me, if I do this or that"; "May be she is interested in me, but just does not realize it herself"; "May be she wants me, but is simply not showing it"; "May be if I can convince her or just work a little harder, I can win her over"; etc.


7. You are smart, handsome, loving and love-able. There will be many women who think so. Even if you don't hear it from them aloud, you are all those things. So, don't pursue women, desperately seeking your own self-validation. Don't think that you are not handsome or love-able, just because someone you are infatuated with does not reciprocate your feelings. Don't think you are not all these things just because you don't have a girlfriend or a partner yet. There will be women who think you are all these and more, and who will love you for who you are. And, insha-allah, you will have that partner, who is right and perfect for you, who will admire and deserve all your good qualities, and will let you know that in no uncertain terms.


8. Value yourself, your personality, your feelings, your talents, your body. Do not throw them without restraint at every potential love interest. Remember that at the wooing stage, the more easily something is available, the less its perceived value is. By offering things to those who may not want it or seek it on their own, you are only devaluing those things. Don't spend a lot of time, energy and feelings in relationships which don't go anywhere either, or with people who you know will never be your long-term permanent lover-partner. In fact, don't spend any time or energy doing 'romantic' things with such people. Doing this also means de-valuing yourself. It is like throwing your highly valuable personal love into the trash can. You are wasting and throwing away something which actually belongs to your true love. Protect yourself, your time, your feelings, your energy. Keep them safe for the true love who will come into your life. Guard these things jealously for her.


9. Protect your virginity for your true love. It is okay to have pre-marital monogamous sex with your lover-partner, the person with whom you have a true, full-fledged (meaning steady and long-term sharing of life), loving relationship. It is definitely not okay with anybody else. Casual sex might be okay in theory, it might be okay for others. But it is not okay for you. It is an unclean and unhealthy food which won't suit your system nor your long-term health. Worse, it is addictive food; it will weaken your soul, and will cause considerable pain and drain on your emotions like all addictions. Just don't do it, regardless of the opportunities and temptations. You will regret if you do it. You will wish that you could go back in time and re-live your life, without letting yourself get into casual sex. Protect yourself.


10. Just as you have a responsibility to protect yourself, you also have a responsibility to protect other people whose paths will cross yours. Just as you might have weak moments in love and passion, they will too. Just as you will feel hurt and regret when things don't work out, they will too. Protect these nice people who come into your life, whose only mistake (if it can be called that) is to love you, admire you and care for you. Protect them from the hurt that you will cause them or they will cause to themselves. Be especially wary of hurting these nice people in the long-term, while you try to avoid short-term hurt. This is a trap you will fall into repeatedly because you want to be nice to these nice people. Nice is okay. But, be totally honest, open and truthful with them, even if hurts them (and you) in the short term. They will be protected in the long-term. They will admire you for your courage and integrity, if you do that.


11. This needs repeating again: You don't need to do anything to find true love. Just be yourself. Be nice, be clean and truthful, be sincere, be healthy, and above all, be happy and patient. Take all that time and energy you will put into romance and love, and put it into your career, education, hobbies and other interests, into social activities, into smiling. True love will find its way to you on its own. You don't need to do anything else.


12. After that typical Libran Lover brand long lecture about love and romance, let's turn to your career. You will get into a software job. That means, you will have opportunities to go abroad. That means, you need a passport. For god's sake go get it done AT ONCE. Don't be the fool who runs from once government office to another, dragging your father and uncle with you, when opportunity comes knocking and you need a passport in a hurry. Just get it done IMMEDIATELY.


13. The very first time you come to the US, you will want to stay here long-term. Only you won't define what long-term is. You will have some vague notion in your head of long-term being "at least two years or more". Well, guess what, you are going to end up staying here for well over six years. Incredibly, you will spend almost 5 of those years, without actually taking any concrete steps to build the right foundation for a career and for visa/greencard processing, which will both help you stay here for the long term! You will just spend those 5 years with your head buried in the sand of a dead-end job. It will be FIVE long years of no pay increments, while the company's stupid policies will bring in new, junior people who will work under you for higher pay, and the prospect of your work visa expiring at the end of 6 years, which will finally get your ass moving. Do yourself a favor, and start doing something at least at the end of your second year in the US.


14. It won't help your career to be a jack of all trades, and master of none. You will spend much of your career in roles which will give you good exposure to a lot of different things, but just not enough mastery or authority on any one thing. It is an undeniable reality in life that great performers even if it is in lesser jobs get more recognition and satisfaction, than average performers in bigger jobs. The best way to grow in a career is to consistently be a great performer, going from smaller to bigger roles.


15. If you want something in your career, just go get it. This is the exact opposite of the love advice, where you just have to be yourself and love will come to you. In the realm of the career, waiting for things to come to you, or for the company or your boss to give you what you want, will never work. You just have to get it yourself... even if it means quitting the job and getting a different one. Just be clear about what it is exactly that you want, then go get it.


16. Never spend more than 1 hour at work, browsing the Internet for news and technological developments. Make every one of the other 7 hours count for productive work or directly work-related knowledge gain.


17. Don't buy that house in early 2006. Wait until late 2007, when the real estate market in the US is even more in the doldrums, and it becomes a buyer's market with a lot more inventory waiting to be sold. And, don't buy the house until you can make 20% down payment. 10% is just not good enough.


18. Get all the features you want the house to have, right when you buy it. Don't let others talk you into thinking that you can add extra features (like tiled floor rather than the carpet) later on. The "later on" might never come.


19. Buy real tangible gifts for your parents and other family members. Avoid giving them money to buy what they want. They usually won't buy anything. One fine day, you will realize that you have been working for 10 years and not bought a single real gift to your parents, despite sending money for birthdays and such!


20. Don't stop hiking when your regular hiking partners stop. You will find that a year or more has passed by without you hiking a single time, and you are out of shape! Shameful. Get out and hike by yourself, or find new hiking friends and groups. There are plenty out there.


21. Smile more. Don't be lost in your own world when people are around you. Take more interest in them, socialize more.

Singapore Sling

I had four of this drink called Singapore Sling, on the Singapore Airlines flights from Los Angeles to India, this past weekend! I remember tasting it once before on a Singapore Airlines flight, but this time it really got to me. It is sweet, fruity, with not too strong alcoholic content.

Here's what the in-flight menu said about the yummy Singapore Sling:

Created in 1915 at the Long Bar of Singapore's Raffles Hotel. A concoction of dry gin, Dom Benedictine Cointreau and cherry brandy, shaken up with lime and pineapple juice, with a dash of Angostura bitters and Grenadine.

Webtender.com returns several recipes for the Singapore Sling search. But apparently, the above description is the Genuine Singapore Sling.

Apparently, this drink is popular with the other passengers as well. They had it pre-mixed in a pitcher on the food carts!

Kisi Nazar Ko Tera - The Audio

Kisi Nazar Ko Tera (mp3)

This is my own rendering of the melodious song from the movie Aitbar, originally sung by Bhupinder and Asha Bhonsle.

Lyrics here.

Warnings for New Vegetarians in America

When vegetarian Indians come to the US, at first, most of them do not venture out to try the non-Indian food which is available in abundant variety here. The predominance of meat and meat-based items in menus everywhere does not encourage us to get adventurous. In fact, even many non-vegetarian Indians live in the US for a long time (years in some cases!) without sampling most of the non-Indian cuisines.

The first two times I came to the US were for 3-month visits during which, I lived with Indian roommates and we cooked at home. The few times I ate outside during these visits, I had vegetarian food from only Indian restaurants. Except may be, "burger with no meat" from McD's on a couple of occasions.

My third visit to the US was long term (I've still not returned almost 6 years later!). This time, I started to live alone. The combination of lethargy and lack of enthusiasm to cook alone, just for myself, caused me to eat out a lot more often. For the first 6 - 7 months of my third visit, I tried almost exclusively non-Indian food whenever I ate outside, which was pretty much everyday for lunch! This, despite my being a pure vegetarian - during those days, I even avoided stuff like pastries and cookies, which have eggs in them!

The point of this long-winded introduction is that, yes, it is definitely possible for vegetarians in the US to find a variety of eating choices, outside the home. Certainly not as many choices as non-vegetarians (especially those who don't mind eating pigs and cows) have, but the choices are still there. You just need to know what to look for, where and how to order. Nevertheless, during my 6 years of vegetarian life in the US, despite being very careful, there have been occasions when I have discovered that there were animal pieces/products in the food I was eating or had already eaten. It is hard to describe the awful feeling of personal violation I felt during those times.

The following is not only a rant about those occasions when I learnt that the 'vegetarian' food I ate contained animal products, I hope this will also serve as a warning for other vegetarians to know what to avoid or be careful about.

• Contradictory Disclaimer: If you want to strictly avoid accidental ingestion of animal products while living in the US, the only solution is to make all your food at home, preferably from scratch and read very, very carefully, all the ingredients which go into making the few packaged food stuff you might buy. Or, if you cannot avoid eating outside, eat only raw fruits and vegetables, preferably cut with your own knife, without any type of dressing. Or, you might get lucky and find a vegan restaurant with highly enlightened and principled people running it. This might sound like a contradiction of what I wrote above about having vegetarian choices to eat outside in the US, but this is also the reality.



• Non-vegetarian by accident: If you go to any restaurant which serves meat or meat-based food, accidental introduction of meat particles into your order might happen at some time or the other. This is true of Indian restaurants also. I have come across pieces of meat in what was supposed to be "vegetarian biriyani" at an Indian restaurant. On another occasion, I found a small piece of meat in the refried beans that filled my Taco Bell "chalupa with no meat".



• Non-vegetarian by association: Even if the actual piece of meat does not end up in your order, the cutlery, utensils and hands would have handled meat before handling your vegetarian food. For example, in Subway, they use the same knife to cut every sandwich that needs to be cut. I mentioned Subway as just a random example. This point applies to most other restaurants.



• Vegetarian by customizing: There are restaurants where you can take a meat-based dish from their menu, and order it customized for you, "with no meat". In Taco Bell, for example, you can order almost any dish on their menu and ask them to leave out the meat. Recently, I visited a Thai restaurant which had a note at the bottom of the menu saying that they could make any dish on their menu vegetarian. When you customize this way, be sure to order clearly and assertively, ensuring the person taking your order understands your requirement. And, when your order is delivered, be sure to double-check yourself that there is no meat before you start eating. Mistakes on customized orders are too easy to make. I once ordered a combo-meal of chalupas and tacos at Taco Bell, repeating at least two times that I want 'no meat' in my order. When my order arrived, I found that my chalupas indeed had no meat, but the tacos were filled with beef. Fortunately, I noticed this just as the Taco was about to enter my mouth. Incidentally, for some reason, most people taking orders in the US seem to hear and understand "with NO meat" more readily and easily than "without meat". I still don't know why!



• Vegetarian / non-vegetarian by definition: In India, especially in South India, the word vegetarian has only one interpretation - no meat or eggs. Unfortunately, this is not so in the US. Different people interpret the words "vegetarian" and "with no meat" differently. The person taking your order or answering your questions at a restaurant is no different. Rather than assume that the other person's interpretation of the word vegetarian is the same as your own, you are better off clarifying exactly what you are looking for. Eg: "Would you be able to make this dish for me without meat and eggs? What do you recommend on your menu that has no animal products at all in it?"



• "Vegetarian" (or not!) by subtraction: The other thing to remember is that some people are truly naive or unaware about why you are ordering something "with no meat". They might think that simply removing pieces of meat from a dish which was originally cooked with meat, or the vegetable soup made with beef broth without actually adding pieces of meat into it, will both satisfy your 'with no meat' criteria. I heard about the removing pieces of meat from a non-vegetarian dish incident from someone. The vegetable soup with beef broth thing actually happened to me!



• Non-vegetarian by deception: This is by far the thing you need to be most careful about. When I say deception, I mean that vegetarians get deceived into eating meat products because it is so inconspicuous and not easily noticeable. I certainly don't mean that somebody is deliberately trying to deceive vegetarians into eating meat products. There is no way for me to list everything which appears to be a vegetarian dish, but is actually not. So, I will just list the stuff I come across most often, and will keep this list updated if I come across anything else later. If my readers would like for me to add/correct something in this list, please leave a comment.
  • Cheese - most of the cheeses are made with animal-based rennet enzymes.
  • Tortilla chips - in some (not all) Mexican restaurants, these are be fried in beef lard. Best to check before you eat.
  • Spanish rice & refried beans - another common item in Mexican restaurants. They are almost always cooked in chicken/beef broth. There may be exceptions. I have heard that black beans are not usually cooked in any animal broth. In any case, it's best to check before eating.
  • Fish oil in Thai restaurants - I have heard that Thais use fish oil in most of their dishes, just like Indians put hoggarenne or thadka in many of their dishes. Yes, they could use fish oil in even vegetarian dishes such as vegetable Pad Thai or fried rice, as well as vegetarian soups and curries. Best to clarify.
  • Grilled / Fried vegetarian stuff like veggie burgers or fries - if you are ordering these in a restaurant that also serves meat, you can pretty much take it for granted that your order will get grilled / fried on the same hot plate, skillet or utensil, and probably in the same oil, in which some other meat-based dish was cooked. Your order will come smeared with animal fat and particles.
  • Meat with strange names - the English language has too many strange and unfamiliar names for different types of meats, and one might get deceived by that. It is almost as if they don't want people to know or remember exactly which animal they are eating. I have heard of Indian vegetarians eating pepperoni pizza without knowing that pepperoni is a type of pig meat. It has the word pepper in it, for god's sake!
  • Sauces and salad dressings - there are too many sauces and salad dressings which might contain animal-products in them. A lot of salad dressings have eggs in them. Original Caesar salad dressing is supposed to have anchovies (a type of fish). Worcestershire sauce, which I allowed someone to add to my food once, has anchovies too. You can be pretty sure that tomato, soy and most chilli sauces don't contain any animal products. Most Italian salad dressings and vinegar-based dressings are also probably safe. Everything else should be questioned and consumed only if you are absolutely sure.
  
  
• Egg on your face: Eggs! These compete neck-and-neck with the stuff in the list above, for things you have to be most careful about... that is, if you are a vegetarian who does not eat eggs. It is amazing the number of food items in which the egg turn up. This is one thing which has defeated me in America! When I was new in the US, I avoided eating cakes and cookies, and thought I was safe from eggs. Turns out that eggs were present in so many other things which I was already eating - pastas, ice-creams, certain types of breads, pancakes, waffles, even salad dressing, for god's sake. There I was, stuffing my face with salads, trying different types of salad dressings and thinking I was safe, unaware that many salad dressings were leaving egg on my face. Yes, a lot of salad dressings have egg in them. If you want salad dressings with no egg - Italian dressing and many of the vinegar-based dressings are safe in most places. Also, when you order vegetarian fried rice or vegetarian Pad Thai or most other vegetarian dishes in Chinese and Thai restaurants, be sure to say 'no eggs'. A large number of people consider eggs to be vegetarian! Once I saw something called "egg substitute" in a breakfast restaurant's menu. Great! It looked like something that would be used in place of eggs. I asked the waitress what it was made of - she could not answer me properly. She was already too hassled at that busy hour and I did not want to take up too much of her time. I thought egg substitutes may be made with soy, considering that soy is used as a substitute for so many animal-based food products. Only days later, after I had relished my order made with "egg substitute", did I learn that the main ingredient in most egg substitutes is... ta-da... EGG! Yes, yesss - egg substitutes are made with eggs. Egg substitute is this powder which (mixed with water) is used in place of real eggs to lower the fat and cholesterol levels. But most egg substitutes have egg-whites in them! I have managed to avoid meat in the US, but it is really tough to avoid egg, simply because it is used in making so many things. After having consumed eggs without being aware in so many different items, I accepted defeat. Now, I eat things like cakes, cookies, etc. which might contain eggs in them in disguised, invisible form. But I still don't eat eggs in direct, visible form - boiled, scrambled or in any other way.

Whew! That post turned out longer than I expected. I will stop here. I hope this list is of use to new vegetarians in the US. But before I close, I do want to reiterate that all hope is not lost - there are still lots of safe choices for vegetarians in the US. Just browse through the posts labelled "Food" on this blog, and you will see a small sampling of a variety of vegetarian choices, in my "Vegetarian Lunch in America" series.

Voting is Compulsory in Australia!

Today I learnt from the Google Public Policy blog post on Australian elections that voting is compulsory in Australia for all eligible citizens!

To use a popular teenage phrase: I was like, WHOA!

And then, I wondered what happens if someone does not vote in Australia. A quick Google search brought up this helpful FAQ page from the Australian Electoral Commission. Apparently, they get fined in Australia if they don't vote:

What happens if I do not vote?
Initially the Australian Electoral Commission will write to all apparent non-voters requesting that they either provide a reason for their failure to vote or pay a $20 penalty.

If, within 21 days, the apparent non-voter fails to reply, cannot provide a valid and sufficient reason or declines to pay the penalty, then prosecution proceedings may be instigated. If the matter is dealt with in court and the person is found guilty, he or she may be fined up to $50 plus court costs.

Wow! They should make voting compulsory in all democratic countries. I don't know what effect it would have ultimately, but it will definitely make those shady politicians work harder... at least on the campaign trail, in order to win over a larger number of more diverse citizens.

The voter turn-out right now is pathetic in most elections - both in the US and in India. (I am not familiar with the voter turn-out in other countries.) Even in the US Presidential elections, which garner great interest world-wide, the voter turn-out is remarkably poor - just around 50%. Check this link which lists the voter turn-out in every Federal election since 1960. The bold numbers occuring every 4 years correspond to the Presidential elections and they consistenly show around 50% voter turn-out!

Yes, that 50% is the total voter turn out - includes people who voted for both/all the contesting candidates and people whose votes were invalid for one reason or the other. What this means is that every President Of The United States is actually sent to the office by a small minority of people, compared to the total population of the country! So, a presidential candidate does not need to win over the majority of the citizens - he just has to concentrate on winning over just enough of the minority to beat his/her rival candidates! Is it any surprise that most Presidents don't really seem to work for the people? Is it any wonder that the American Democracy no longer seems to be of the people, for the people, by the people?

Fuck You, sellers of love!

To everyone who sold to me the ideas about love and romance - Fuck You very much! To every romantic book, movie, song and story I've come across - Fuck You very much!

The one thing that has caused me the greatest pain, hurt, tears, humiliation, damage, loss, grief, frustration is love.

To love itself - Fuck You very very much!

Non-evolution of Humans

Our external world is fast changing. Incredible changes happen in the world from year to year, decade to decade, century to century. Some of these changes are unimaginable for most people until they actually happen. These external changes, which are considered to be 'progress' and 'evolution', lull most of us humans into thinking that we are actually progressing or evolving as a species. That is a total illusion!

We may be evolving better or faster or easier ways of doing things - eating, sleeping, mating, travelling, entertaining ourselves, killing others. But, we are not evolving much at a personal level, as people, as a species.

When we read literary works that are a few years or decades old, a few centuries old (Shakespeare, for example) or even thousands of years old (ancient epics like the Mahabharatha or the Greek myths), we note that the human concerns and character, our desires and feelings, our actions and reactions have not changed much at all. In thousands of years, we have really not evolved much in terms of how our personalities are.

Our lack of evolution is amazing. And, when we consider that we are still fighting, hurting and killing one another, still starving for proper food in large pockets of the world, it is disappointing. And worst of all, when we see at a personal level that, we have still not mastered effective communication and sharing of love, control of anger and jealousy, avoiding hurting those who love us, sharing food and riches, successfully experiencing a content and nurturing romantic relationship, the non-evolution of humans is downright depressing.

If we measure inter-personal and intra-personal (i.e., in the mind of a single person) conflict and strife within all the species of the world, humans will probably be toppers. By that measure, we are probably one of the least evolved species - in terms of communication, personality, inter-personal relationship!

Candidates@Google: Ron Paul

Ron Paul is a Republican candidate hoping to be the next President of the United States. He calls himself a constitutionalist first. I have seen a few Internet videos of him speaking and I am pleasantly surprised. Among all the politicians - both American and Indian - I have seen so far, Ron Paul comes across as the one with the most sincere convictions and ideals. You will get no lame, empty sound-bytes or insincere, populist rhetoric from this guy. He is extremely articulate, and everything he says seem to be based on deeply held convictions and logical reasoning. Not only that, he has consistently stuck to his ideals in his entire political career - no contradictions, no compromises seem to appear in his political record.

No wonder that Ron Paul's popularlity is increasing phenomenally among younger Americans with diverse leanings - Democrat or Republican, conservative or liberal. I don't agree with all his positions, but boy, is it refreshing to see a politician like Ron Paul in these times!

Seriously, if you care about who the next President of the United States will be, you should Google Ron Paul. Even if you don't care, just check out the video below of his interview at Google, to see why he is so different and important to present day America.

How to be the Perfect Girlfriend

Why non-Indian women prefer to marry than just date Indian men?

In the comments to my post on Indian men and Inter-racial dating, a reader calling himself hopefloats, wrote this in his comment:

3. dating->marriage - In many posts non-indian women quote "oh..indian men are not into marrying non-indian women..so we dont date them".
Even if we assume this is true..I dont understand why this is a big deal for non-indian women in US/Canada.Most of them anyways have multiple relationships/marriages before they settle down with their final partner. Here are the possible reasons
a) either it's a politicall correct cover for the ethnic/racial non-preference.
b) or, only for marriage, they want indian men..not for dating/having-fun.

Both Indian and non-Indian women quite frequently have this complaint about Indian men - that they date and 'have fun' with women from different nationalities and ethnicities, but when it comes to marriage, they prefer Indian women. It is as if Indian men are held to a standard where they are supposed to date only those women whom they might marry.

The reality is that most people in the world have a double-standard about whom they will date casually versus whom they will choose for a serious relationship like marriage. Men and women who date and have flings, may do so with a variety people. But for marriage, they will have specific preferences and expectations in the potential partner. So, they won't just marry anybody whom they might date. If casual dating is your thing, there is nothing wrong in having such differing preferences - it is practical and pragmatic.

I think that we hear complaints about this 'double-standard' quite often about Indian men from non-Indian women for two reasons. These reasons are somewhat different from those listed in hopefloat's comment above (I'm not saying I agree or disagree with his comment). The reasons I have in mind are:

1. Those who are affected are the ones who'll speak up more. The non-Indian women who genuinely fell for the Indian men and/or who were hoping to have a serious relationship with Indian men, are the ones most affected by Indian men preferring Indian women for marriage. So, obviously, they are the ones we hear from more. The women who are only dating Indian men casually are not too bothered by this, because hey, they are only in it for the fun. So, we don't hear anything positive or negative from them.

2. I suspect that there are not too many non-Indian women dating Indian men casually, just for fun. I don't have scientific data or statistics to backup my claim. However, it is common experience that most young people are not usually into experimenting with foreign stuff - even in matters such as food and entertainment. Young people usually prefer stuff they have grown up around, are familiar with. We are not done fully experiencing and experimenting with familiar stuff until we are almost into our 30's. Only after that, we start to look at what else is out there. So, by the time non-Indian women start to look at what else is out there and discover that interesting Indian man, they are past the phase of casual fun and are at an age when they want something more serious out of relationships.

There are no doubt exceptions to what I have stated above, but it is true for the most part. Reading the comments on this blog under posts such as Indian men and Inter-racial dating and Dating Indian Men II does show that most non-Indian women who are interested in Indian men are at a later stage in life when they are more interested in settling down in a serious relationship or marriage, than in just dating and having flings.

A Simple Story of Intimacy….

Read this story on one of my reader's blogs, and had to share it with the rest of you guys.

You may read it here: A Simple Story of Intimacy…

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Or, you may read the story below.

"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several
Weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote,

I’ll carry you out every morning until death does us apart."