Sexual Harassment and Power

I usually have frustrating exchanges with women whenever power is mentioned in the context of sexual harassment... specifically, sexual harassment of women by men. The discussion in the comments section of my blog post about the root cause of eve teasing in India is an example. Women, especially the feminist types, believe that sexual harassment is mainly about power, and less about sex. Some of them even claim that it is all about power and not at all about sex.

This is frustrating for me because I am a man. As such, I understand how the male libido works. I am not a rapist nor have I sexually harassed anyone. Nevertheless, I understand what goes on in the mind and loins of a guy vis-a-vis sex. So, I know what I am talking about when I say that the primary motivation for most men who are guilty of sexual harassment is sex.

This is when women like to ask questions such as: Why would a married man who has free access to a sexual partner, still harass some other woman? Or, why would a man, who could easily buy sexual gratification from a prostitute, risk everything to commit violent rape instead?

Clearly, there is a lack of understanding of male sexuality. The reason why I keep coming back to the "power and sex" discussion is because I feel that women's beliefs about the role of power in male sexuality further distorts their understanding. Thus, women totally miss out on understanding the root cause and the motivation behind male sexual acts... whether they are acts of harassment or acts of shared pleasure.

For the record, through this blog post, I want to clarify my position on sexual harassment and power in as simple terms as possible. So, here goes: Sexual desire is the root cause and primary motivation for sexual harassment. Power enables or allows harassment to happen. Power is only an enabler, a facilitator. Sexual desire is the root cause.

To give an analogy: The primary reason for humans to eat chicken is not that they are more powerful than the chicken. The primary reason is that humans feel hunger. The fact that humans are more powerful than the chicken enables or allows them to eat chicken. But that is not the root cause for chicken being part of the human diet.

Now, one may ask, why should humans violently kill and eat chicken, while they could easily eat vegetables, which involves less violence and gore. There are a different set of reasons for that. That is a different line of discussion. But we know that it is certainly not because there is more power in eating chicken than in eating a vegetable.

It is important for us to discern and understand this truth. If we don't understand the truth, our efforts and energies will be directed at the wrong things. For example, if we believe that sexual harassment is all about power, we will conclude that empowering women will stop sexual harassment. I don't think it will. Empowering women will help curb sexual harassment, but it is only a matter of time and place before the woman will be vulnerable and a possible target. No one can be powerful at all times.

Having said all that, I want to reiterate that I am not totally dismissing the power factor from the sexual harassment equation. Not only is power an enabler of harassment, power (or rather the feeling of powerlessness) also happens to be the most important, overwhelming and enduring experience of sexual harassment for the victim. From the victim's perspective, the harassment is not a sexual experience. It is an experience of total vulnerability and powerlessness!

Consider a woman who has been raped. Physical violence and humiliation are big aspects of her experience. However, the biggest aspect is the feeling of being utterly powerless and helpless. It is like a stranger, or someone you know and thought you could trust, came up to you, helped himself to a piece of your soul, and simply walked away. There was nothing you could do to stop it, before or while it was happened. And so often, there is nothing you can do after it has happened. Even catching and punishing the perpetrator, only helps the woman's feeling of powerlessness in a very small way. The feeling of total weakness and powerlessness, wherein any asshole could just drop by and violate her body and soul intimately, is something that endures for a long time.

Yes, from the victim's perspective, the overwhelming and most enduring experience of sexual harassment is the utter feeling of powerlessness. It is important to understand this because this understanding is more useful in the healing of a victim, than in the prevention of such crimes. Yes, empowering women will help curb harassment to a little extent, but it is not the panacea for harassment prevention. The role of empowerment is much more in the healing of a harassed victim.

Empowering a harassment victim and specific steps/measures to make her feel empowered, should be the most important part of any healing process. Catching, punishing and preventing the perpetrator from repeating the crime play an important role in restoring the victim's confidence. On the other hand, if the criminal gets away scot-free, it contributes to her feeling of helplessness. However, justice alone is not enough to heal her. Real healing starts when the lady is empowered enough to feel safe again, to feel that she will not be violated again. It is through such empowerment that the lady starts to feel like a living human being again, instead of like a powerless object. It is through such empowerment that she starts to value herself again, to feel that life may be live-able and then to grow to feel that life is worth living after all.

I hope this blog post has helped people understand what I have been saying all along about sexual harassment and power. Not only has this been written from a man's understanding of male sexuality and power, this is also written from an empathic understanding of sexual harassment by being close to a victim, from sharing the deeply painful feeling of powerlessness. I hope this understanding contributes to better prevention and healing of sexual harassment.