Mom's Care No More

Last night, in a moment of intense anguish, I called out to my mother. I have not done that in such a long time - called out to her, that is. I don't even remember when was the last time I called out to her.

Anyway, my mother is in India. So, she could not hear my call. Nevertheless, a few minutes later, she called me on the phone. Only to tell me that she is getting admitted to a hospital today for a surgery. I am very concerned and worried for her health.

This is a milestone in my life. This is when I realize that I can no longer fall back on my mother's care. And that, it is now my turn to take care of my parents.

Oh, I am sure my parents care for me a lot. They are very concerned about me, and I am sure they would want to comfort and support me in my times of need. But my problems and concerns will only trouble them more.

I have always been an independent child. In fact, I have actively tried not to involve my parents too much in my personal challenges and difficulties. I have never really been able to fully express my pain and worries to them, for fear of getting them more worried. This is truer now than ever before.

Although I never really wanted to rely on them, there was some comfort in knowing that they are there, in case I needed to rely on someone. But now, this realization that I should take care of them rather than relying on them, makes me feel especially lonely.