Thursday, March 23, 2006


In a lover, I value two things the highest:
  1. Understanding.

  2. Acceptance.

Understanding: In the best of circumstances, communication is not easy. With differences in basic male-female personalities, distances, personal insecurities, outside influences and numerous other factors, communication is even more of a hit-or-miss thing. As such, a lover (or even a friend or colleague) who can just "get me" without needing too many explanations is invaluable and such a relief to deal with. With someone who doesn't understand us, so much time is taken up in explaining things, defining the norms and standards of the communication code and practices (I call this meta-conversation) that, we have less time for exchange of real information and messages, for sharing, for living, for loving. Meta-conversations are a waste of valuable time which could be better used in sharing and loving. I have been with people who just "get me" without the need for too many words, and I value them immensely.

Acceptance: While I am very reasonable and logical, I can also be a very tough person to deal with. I have my specific preferences, opinions, moods and stubborn quirks. The least productive thing for a lover (or anybody else for that matter), to do with me is to try to change me. Sorry, but won't happen. The harder they try, the more my in-built resistance kicks-in. One could try reasoning with me using logic (this is the best approach). If that does not work, I'd like it if they simply accepted me as I am and concentrated on working with what they got. The same thing applies to life also. Life can be extremely unpredictable, hard to tame and stubborn. I'd rather have a lover who is wise enough to accept things as they are and take a pragmatic approach, rather than get all emotional and unreasonable and mess up things even more than they actually are. Being unreasonable amidst difficulties in life results in the difficulties being multiplied several times. It is tragic to be an unreasonable lover because s/he usually indulge in such behavior to make things better, but things only get worse and s/he seems to be incapable of stopping the unreasonable actions. Women are more prone to such unreasonable behavior. A reasonable, accepting and pragmatic lover is worth her/his weight in gold. S/he has the power to make the difficult times appear less difficult and easier to deal with. Eventually, the difficulties just fade away.

Understanding and acceptance is what makes an empathetic friend or lover, a kindred spirit, a sahrdaya.


  1. Hi.

    With all that u r expecting from another person, it all depends on how much of a "sahrudayi" you are, right? There is a saying in Kannada that loosely translated means "claps are only when both hands join together." Sahrudaya simply means good heart and good and bad is tooo subjective.

  2. sahrdaya is generally used to refer to a friend. It means one with a similar heart, a kindred spirit. It does not really mean a good heart.

    Even fools usually know that it takes two hands to make a clap.

  3. You are telling this to a kannadiga! unless you are referring to some other language. Of course, sahrudaya means a good heart, "sa" always gives a positive meaning unlike "dhur" which gives a negative meaning. hrudaya simply means heart. It is not referred to just a friend, any passerby who helps us could have a sahrudaya.

  4. Firstly, sahrdaya is a Sanskrit word. Secondly, being a Kannadiga does not make us an expert in the language. I bet there are a lot of complex meanings and subtleties of Kannada words which most Kannadigas don't know about.

    The prefix "su" is used more commonly than the prefix "sa", to indicate positive meaning.

    Sahrdaya means a compassionate heart, in the sense of an understanding, empathic, kindred spirit. In that sense, it could be used and confused to mean someone with a good heart. It is basic human nature to think that someone who empathizes with us has a good heart. But sahrdaya in and of itself does not mean a "good heart".

  5. I dont claim expertise in kannada or for that matter any language or topic, but only expressing my opinion,just as you are doing.

    I agree empathetic person need not always have a good heart.

    If sahrudaya means compassionate and understanding, how is it different from good?

    I still think sahrudaya in and of itself means good heart, will check on this from someone expert in languages.

    All that apart, I like your style of expression.

    Have a nice weekend.

  6. I know, Usha, that you are just expressing your opinion. I appreciate your doing that.

    Are you on If you are, check out the Sanskrit discussion group. There is thread on there with a link to our discussion here. Some of the knowledgeable people there have talked about what sahrdaya means. That might help you understand.

    Thanks for the kind words about my style of expression. Do you have a blog too? Want to share?

  7. Na, I am really not much into blogging and I have no blogs to share. My circumstances and my own opinion about blogging would not let me do that.

    I am not on either.

  8. Usha - Since, you are not on, I will paste here what a couple of guys on Orkut Sanskrit group have to say on this issue:

    Response 1 by Dibya: Well, I guess the problem is all about interpreting the meaning of the prefix "sa-".

    "sa-" originally implies "one, same". It is in fact cognate with "same". Most literal example is "sa-kRt": "one time" or "once". -kRt implies "times" (like Hindi "baar"). More common and less literal examples are - "sodara" (sa-udara), "saptnI", etc. The same way "sa-hRdaya" can be interpreted (at least theoritically) as people with the same heart - maybe "soul mates".

    However, in real usage "sahRdaya" seems to imply "hearty/sincere". This meaning comes from a second meaning of the prefix "sa-". It may also imply very frequently "with". Thus "sa-patnI-ka" (along with the wife), "sa-sIta" (along with Sita), etc. Thus "sa-hRdaya" means "along with heart" - hearty/sincere. This is the usual meaning of the term "sahRdaya".

    Response 2 by Kapila: सहृदयः - हृदयेन सहितः - तृतिया तत्पुरुष

    The meaning is same as what Dibya told

  9. So, I guess depending on the context of usage of the word sahrdaya, its meaning could go in either direction.

  10. Monier-Williams called a sahrdaya a person of learning with good heart. Tagore was exemplary of this!


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