Sahrdaya

In a lover, I value two things the highest:

1. Understanding.


2. Acceptance.

Understanding: In the best of circumstances, communication is not easy. With differences in basic male-female personalities, distances, personal insecurities, outside influences and numerous other factors, communication is even more of a hit-or-miss thing. As such, a lover (or even a friend or colleague) who can just "get me" without needing too many explanations is invaluable and such a relief to deal with. With someone who doesn't understand us, so much time is taken up in explaining things, defining the norms and standards of the communication code and practices (I call this meta-conversation) that, we have less time for exchange of real information and messages, for sharing, for living, for loving. Meta-conversations are a waste of valuable time which could be better used in sharing and loving. I have been with people who just "get me" without the need for too many words, and I value them immensely.

Acceptance: While I am very reasonable and logical, I can also be a very tough person to deal with. I have my specific preferences, opinions, moods and stubborn quirks. The least productive thing for a lover (or anybody else for that matter), to do with me is to try to change me. Sorry, but won't happen. The harder they try, the more my in-built resistance kicks-in. One could try reasoning with me using logic (this is the best approach). If that does not work, I'd like it if they simply accepted me as I am and concentrated on working with what they got. The same thing applies to life also. Life can be extremely unpredictable, hard to tame and stubborn. I'd rather have a lover who is wise enough to accept things as they are and take a pragmatic approach, rather than get all emotional and unreasonable and mess up things even more than they actually are. Being unreasonable amidst difficulties in life results in the difficulties being multiplied several times. It is tragic to be an unreasonable lover because s/he usually indulge in such behavior to make things better, but things only get worse and s/he seems to be incapable of stopping the unreasonable actions. Women are more prone to such unreasonable behavior. A reasonable, accepting and pragmatic lover is worth her/his weight in gold. S/he has the power to make the difficult times appear less difficult and easier to deal with. Eventually, the difficulties just fade away.

Understanding and acceptance is what makes an empathetic friend or lover, a kindred spirit, a sahrdaya.