Soulmate Love and Nirvana

In a previous post I said a soulmate is like god. I meant that conceptually they are both very similar - there are questions about their existence, their number, gender, so on and so forth. In a similar vein, love is like nirvana.

Knowing in your heart and soul and gut that god exists and believing in her/him absolutely might be the easy initial step on the path to nirvana. The long and hard path to nirvana is still ahead of us. Similarly, meeting a soulmate and recognizing that they are indeed our soulmate is only the initial first step. The real work is only beginning.

The fact that god exists and we believe in her/him/them is not at all a guarantee of the experience of nirvana. Similarly, the fact that we have met our soulmate does not guarantee the experience of love. There will certainly be the the feeling of love. But the experience of a lover relationship, especially a blissful, happy, peaceful relationship is not guaranteed.

There is much hard work, and may be even a fair measure of luck, needed to attain nirvana. The existence of god and our belief does not make it any easier. Similarly, to build a loving relationship, we need to put in much hard work. The fact that our lover is our soulmate does not make it easier.

Having attained nirvana does not mean we no longer work. We still have to work and do all the stuff that all humans do to survive. We have to put in even more hardwork to stay in the state of nirvana. Similarly, being with a soulmate does not mean the relationship needs no work and maintenance, and everything will be magically happy ever after. We still need to put in time and effort and communication and love and understanding and compromise to make the relationship work.

Even after we reach the state of nirvana, in the course of our daily lives, we may come across physical and emotional ups and downs... both big and small. A mosquito will sting and the fire will singe as it did before nirvana. We will feel anger, irritation, sadness as we did before. Similarly, in a relationship with the soulmate, we will face ups and downs - insecurities, jealousies, arguments, fights, pain, heartbreak.

What nirvana gives us is an internal state of grace, peace and security. So, although the mosquito stings or the fire singes, although we feel anger, irritation, sadness, etc. in our day to day life... we know and we can step back, tap into this state of grace that is always within us like a constantly alight candle. In the same way, being with a soulmate gives us this shared space of love and security deep within us that we can seek and fall back on when there are insecurities, jealousies, fights and hurts. But like I said, to reach this state of nirvana or soulmate relationship requires much hard work.

When our past karmic ties and balance is too much, it is not possible to progress quickly on the path to nirvana. We have to work as much and as long it takes to finish our past obligations, and make ourselves pure and eligible for nirvana. Similarly, we may have to work out issues from our past, issues in our personality, etc. before we are eligible to live a happy loving life with a soulmate.

Sometimes, it appears like a long-time believer/devotee faces more hardship on the spiritual path, than someone who casually takes to that path. Similarly, a relationship with a soulmate may be harder and involve more pain, than a relationship with those who don't seem to be our soulmate.

Sometimes, we do fall from the state of nirvana. We then have to spend a few days, years or even lifetimes living the average life before we find our way back to nirvana. This could happen with a soulmate too. Soulmate relationships can indeed break. We could spend a few years or lifetimes before we meet the same or another soulmate again.

Despite everything I have said above, there are no hard and fast rules about nirvana. For many of us it might take a lot of work to attain and keep. For some of us it might come absurdly easy. Some of us might seek for many lifetimes without finding it. Some of us might find it without seeking it. The love of a soulmate is similarly not bound by any rules. It is what it is. It will come, go, stay as it will. There is not much we can do about it, except just love.

The thing about attaining nirvana is that, we realize it has always been there with us. It is not something external - not some place or some outlandish state of mind or anything. It is just the realization that we are what we are, everything is what everything is, and it is all okay, no matter what happens. Attaining nirvana is not like going from point A to point B. It is the realization that we are at point A and point B and everywhere at the same time and that everywhere is also just one single point and infinite points simultaneously. It is the realization that we are fine exactly where we are, where we were and where we will be and it is all okay. Similarly, when we experience the real depth and breadth and height of a soulmate's love we realize that everything is love, that there is nothing but love, that we are love, our soulmates are love, the whole universe is love, and everything is made of love... even all the fights and arguments and hurts are made of love. It is the realization that everything is love, always love and it's all okay.