Bah, Women!

I have had some success with women. I have also failed with other women. I won't say how many in either case. Just suffice it to say that the numbers are enough to notice some very clear trends.

I have almost always had success with women when I don't care what happens in the relationship. When I am not emotionally invested in them, they become open to me. When I don't pursue them too hard, they come to me of their own accord. There have even been times when I have really cared for a woman, and then given up on her because no results were forthcoming, and soon after there would be results, more than I could handle. When I don't compliment them, they fish for compliments. When I don't appreciate them, they appreciate me. When I don't give much, they seek and seek. Then when I give a little bit, it's valued much.

On the other hand, whenever I really care for a woman, things don't turn out well. The more I care for a woman, the more pain I get in return. The more I am committed to someone, the more they want to be away from me. The more I give, the more they don't want. Until they finally decide that they want nothing from me, nothing to do with me. They even decide that I am not a good presence in their lives.

"I don't have such feelings for you." "I don't think we are right for each other." "I am afraid of you." These are all lines I have heard from women to whom I have truly, sincerely, completely offered myself and everything I have.

On the other hand, when I don't offer much, when I am not interested, in fact, when I actively discourage them, they are willing to accept anything and everything. I have known women who did not want to be involved with a man who was not a virgin. But they were willing to accept me despite knowing that I have been involved with other women in the past. I have known women who did not want to be with a man who drinks. Yet, they have been willing to accept me, despite knowing that I enjoy a good drink. I have known women who never thought they would fall for a much older beastly-looking person, with a thinning hairline - and they have fallen for me, although (or because) I wouldn't fall for them.

Heck, right now there are women who are into me and who'd accept me, despite knowing that I am totally into somebody else! I don't want them! And then, there have been women who encouraged me and pursued me actively, only to run away from me, the moment I decided to give them everything they asked for. They cannot even give me a fraction of the time and courteousness, let alone affection or a fair chance, that I gave them when they were pursuing me.

Bah, women! I know that if I gave up and rejected all womanhood right now, a bunch of them will turn up to fill the vacuum in my life. That is how it has always been. It's as predictable as clockwork.

I don't want that. I don't want any bunch of women in my life. If the one person I have reserved myself for wants to come, she can come. If she doesn't want to come, she is welcome to have a happy life of her own. I am too tired to care anymore!