Just got off a painful 28-minute phone call with mom. She kept trying to persuade me to get married, to consider the girls she'd like to find for me.
I kept telling her, "Don't want."
She kept asking me, "Why don't want? What do you mean by, 'don't want'? What do you want? What do you have in mind? What are your intentions? If not now, when would you want?" So on, and so forth.
I kept telling her, "Don't want."
Then she said, "Don't say that you don't want now, and then find yourself in a state of tears later."
Poor mom. Doesn't know that her son is already in a state of tears.
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I have a whole mess of freakin' problems but luckiily this guilt trip from parents isn't one of them!
ReplyDeleteIt is not a guilt trip, Zen. My mom is just expressing her very valid (and I dare say pragmatic) concerns. From her perspective, it is very disturbing that I am still single and don't seem to be interested in any of the proposals presented by family and friends - she can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. From her perspective, almost ALL the friends with whom I grew up are married, and most of them have kids already. In the society she is familiar with in India, she rarely sees bachelor my age or older. From her perspective of Indian society, the older you get, the number of good prospective partners comes down drastically. There is no denying the validity and pragmatism of her concerns.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason I am not giving into my mother's pressures is because I am committed to love. I cannot and will not give up on love, although there seems to be a little bit of a challenge in that aspect of my life right now. And, I have not shared this with her yet. So, she's in the dark.
Also, I think that this kind of concern from family and friends in Indian society is actually good. It helps us keep things in perspective, not lose sight of some important milestones in life. This is one of the things which keep Indian life and family together... although it might appear stifling or interfering at times.
Is there someone you already love, with whom you need to sort out practicalities? Or you are just waiting to find love yet? As much as I appreciate your passion for love, isn't loneliness eating you up? Don't you think, that you can even love someone, you marry and not only marry someone you love? How long are you planning to wait before getting a partner? Let's say even after all this wait you do get a partner, do you think it will be perfect love and everything in harmony? Love is a concept different to different people. It has the potential to grow from a seed, if you are ready to take the risk and plant one.
ReplyDeletePracticalities are not the concern. Emotions are.
ReplyDelete