The White Tiger - Book Review

This year's Booker Prize winning novel, The White Tiger, by Indian writer Aravind Adiga, starts off in an unusual format - as a letter or series of letters from a small-time Indian entrepreneur, addressed to Wen Jiabao, the Premier of China. The premise is that Balram Halwai, the Bangalore-based entrepreneur, hears on the radio about the Premier's impending visit to India, to learn about how India produces so many entrepreneurs, the one thing in which China has not surpassed India, and he takes it upon himself to educate the Premier. Based on the mood and tone of the first few pages, you'd expect to read the story of how a person becomes one of the millions of successful entrepreneurs in India, who have propelled the country into being the second fastest growing economy in the world. A story narrated with wit, sarcasm and dark humor. And that is what you get.

But you also get more. You get an utterly realistic, ugly and depressing view of Indian society, through the eyes of one of its poorest sons as he goes through his life. From growing up in a remote North Indian village, attending a pathetic school, to being pulled out of school at the age of eight to work in a tea shop, to becoming the chaffeur for a rich family, to committing a heinous crime to the capital for her entrepreneurial venture, to becoming a successful, scrubbed entrepreneur running a cab company in India's tech capital, Bangalore. That's the entire story of the novel in one sentence. And no, it is not the story of the courage and heroism of an unfortunate person who rises up in life through honest hardwork and determination. And no, it is not an uplifting story by any stretch of the imagination. There is nothing to be proud of in the novel - not the country, not its society, not its economy, not the booming technology sector, not the upper classes, not the lower classes, not even the observant, determined, quick-learning, ultimately successful protagonist, Balram Halwai.

The author, Aravind Adiga, keeps the first person narration simple and straight-forward. There are no narcissistic attempts at showing off his literary skills. No self-indulgent prolonged critiques and philosophical narratives. The few places where the author attempts to explain concepts about Indian society - examples include the caste system and the 'Rooster Coop' (the coop in which hens to be slaughtered are packed tightly and where they remain quietly, unprotesting) metaphor for the Indian society with its quietly subjugated population - are handled with pithy simplicity.

The author exhibits a remarkable skill in observing and narrating the story through the eyes and heart of a servant. Quote from the book: "Do we loathe our masters behind a facade of love - or do we love them behind a facade of loathing?". He also shows a similar skill in the characterization of the people who fill the story. At one point, Balram Halwai, the servant-driver, says how he would never buy a t-shirt, like the one his master wears because it is mostly white with a small, simple design on the front. To get his money's worth, he would buy a very colorful shirt, filled with as much designs and patterns as possible. While the characterization is believable, the transformation of Balram from a suppressed servant to a ruthless criminal is somewhat abrupt and hard to accept. Despite the fact that he is portrayed to be different (a white tiger!) from the other boys and men his entire life. Perhaps, I'm simply used to reading and seeing heroes in most books and movies going through great misery and pain before they've had enough and decide to fight back.

There are some poignant moments in the story like the time Balram, the chaffeur, counsels and consoles his broken master on the side of a road, using his own home-brewed cocktail of morals and philosophies, some picked up in his childhood village and some made-up on the spot. At that point in the story, he compares himself to THE famous chaffeur from India - Lord Krishna Himself, who narrated the great Bhagavad Gita to a broken and self-doubting Arjuna. It is this kind of wit and humor from the protagonist, which keep the book from becoming a dark and depressing read. This is also the author's greatest strength. It makes the book very readable and keeps it moving at a steady clip. One could easily finish the book in one or two sittings.

I like that the author keeps things gritty and real without being too dramatic or preachy, without being moralistic or taking sides too obviously. I like that he does not seem to indulge in the cardinal sin of many Indian writers and movie directors - playing to the Western galleries with a mix of exaggerated and exotic portrayal of all things Indian. Unless you consider the entire novel to be one big play for the Westerners. I don't think it is. But I am a little disappointed because I did expect the novel to be representative of the story of a typical (tech) entrepreneur from Bangalore, a story that needs to be told, a story I'd love to read. I did not expect a story, which when described in one sentence, sounds like it is straight out of a typical Indian movie! Despite that, I do recommend this book. It is a valuable and realistic snapshot of the current state of Indian society, with all its class differences, misery and corruption, juxtaposed against the tech boom and economic growth. For that it's well worth a read - especially to my fellow, young Indians.

Handling One-sided Love

It happens to all of us at one time or the other: we fall in love with someone who does not love us back the same way as we love them. one-sided love. Unreturned love. Unreciprocated love.

One day you are innocently living your own life. The next day, you start to notice this cute person at school / work, or this charming new person in your social circle, or you befriend this person online who seems to be very interesting, or you start to date somebody to whom you are very attracted. At first it is just this admiring attraction you feel, that you are barely aware of yourself. Then, there comes a moment when you realize that you are hopelessly in love with them, and have been so for the past few days / weeks. One-sided love is like that... it has the nasty habit of creeping up on you unexpectedly.

Regardless of how it starts, one-sided love is one of the most painful experiences to go through. The pain is especially great when it is first love. One of the cruel realities of human life is that for most people, first love is indeed one-sided love.

Love happens. It is extremely hard to consciously choose with whom, when and how you fall in love. So, it is almost impossible to avoid one-sided love. Falling in that trap is in itself very bad and very sad. But it is what you do after the fall that's important. Unfortunately, it is far too easy to do things which compound matters more and cause the pain to be far greater than it needs to be.

One-sided love is my old friend. I have been on both sides of the equation. I have experienced the pain, difficulties and discomfort of the one who fell in love and did not find it reciprocated. And I have noted with surprise and much misery that being the object of one-sided love can be an equally painful experience, if not worse. I have enormous compassion and empathy for those who go through this misery on either side. I present this post with the humble hope that it might be of some help to the unfortunate souls going through the hell of one-sided love.

Undoubtedly, some of what I write below will sound like actions that drive the final nail on the coffin of your love and bury it. So, this advice will be hard to accept for people who still harbor hopes that their love will succeed. But trust me, when I say that these actions are not aimed at burying your love. These actions are primarily focussed on helping you heal and be strong. And if there is even a remote possibility, for your love to succeed, these very actions will draw out that possibility and help it become a reality. As such, all that I write below is totally valid and applicable whether you have given up on your love and want to move on, or you still harbor hopes that it will succeed. In either case, you would do well to heed this advice.


When to give up?


You fall in love. You share this fact with your beloved, with much anxiety and fear, hoping upon hope that they feel the same way towards you. But alas, you learn that they do not "like you that way" or "never saw you like that" or "can never have that type of feelings for you". There is immediate dejection, your heart feels heavy as a mountain in your chest. Then what?

You try again. The next hour or next day or next week, you have another talk with the person you love. You hope to convince them with logic or sentiments. You try desperately to make them see the beautiful vision of a future together that fills your eyes, you try to fill their hearts with the overwhelming, tender feelings that fill your own. But without success. Then what?

It can be very tough to know when to recognize that your love will never succeed, that you should give up and move on. It is especially tough to realize the futility of it all when you are young. And even if you realize that it is a failed venture, it can be tough to give up and let go without trying your best, without putting some desperate effort into it, without fighting for that ultimate love you so ardently believe in.

So, at what point should you give up? Unfortunately, there is no right answer to that question. Just as we cannot predict when the heart will fall in love, we cannot predict when the heart will be ready to give up and move on. Worse, we cannot predict the heart of the other person - who knows, it might turn around and fall for us, if only we remain true to our love for a few more days or weeks. So, I cannot tell you exactly when to give up. A good rule of thumb is to give up as soon as the communication from both sides has been very clear and unambiguous. You have expressed your love clearly and the other person has rejected you unambiguously? Time to move on.


Don't try too hard


You have talked 2 or 3 times to the person you love to see if they love you back the same. They don't. Then what to do with them? Nothing. Just let go. Even if you madly, desperately love them, don't try to make them. Keep the mad love in your own heart. Don't drown the other person with your feelings. Don't try too hard.

You can't use logic to convince anybody to love you. You cannot charm them into loving you, against their wishes. You cannot force or make anybody love you, if they don't already feel the love for you. Moreover, convincing somebody to love you with your charm, beauty, money or sex is not the best way to get love. Love cannot be bought like that. The best and most enduring love is the one which rises in the heart on its own, inspired merely by the being of the other person, without needing extra efforts or convincing from anybody. Such love will flow effortlessly and naturally, of its own accord.

Whatever you do, don't try too hard to make somebody love you. I can never stress this enough. By trying too hard, you might actually be killing any small chances there might be for the other person to fall for you. Growing things need lots of room to grow freely and playfully. You can't convince a wild tiger or wolf to come out and play with you by trying too hard and chasing it all over the jungle. The most you can do is regulate your own behavior and hope for it to come to you on its own. Who knows, if you are lucky, things might flow your way. But don't try too hard lest you kill your chances yourself.


Walk away and keep away


The other thing you do when your love is not reciprocated is just walk away. Put some distance between the person you love and yourself. In fact, if you know for sure that they will never love you back, it is best if you don't run into them or communicate with them at all. At least temporarily. Perhaps later, when your heart has let go and healed, there may be a chance to resume some form of acquaintanceship or friendship. But when your love for them is still burning bright, when the wound of rejection is still fresh, when your heart is still hurting, any type of regular and/or close contact should be avoided.

Some people fear that by keeping away from the person they love, they may be killing what little chance they may have with them. The opposite is true. When you are away, it gives the other person a chance to realize what they are missing by not having you around. If they realize that and truly want you, they will come seeking you on their own. If they don't realize anything of the sort, it means they didn't notice you or value you all that much to begin with. So, you are better off being away from them.


Don't do stuff together


In a way, this point is same as the previous point about keeping away from the object of your love. But this is important enough that I am spelling it out explicitly. Before you fell for that person, the two of you might have been in a relationship where you did stuff together. You might have been buddies, classmates, colleagues, or part of some hobby/special interest group. But now that you have expressed your romantic interest and have been rebuffed, it is better that you avoid such combined activities.

This may require you to go through some inconvenient changes in your own life. Change classes at school? Change departments at work? Stop hanging out at the same social haunts or events? Delete them from your online contact lists, phone address book, etc.? Even change the gang of friends whom you meet regularly? The idea is to keep interaction / contacts with the person you fell for at a bare minimum or none.

This advice is most important if you were doing 'couple stuff' before one of you fell in love seriously. By couple stuff, I mean things like casual dating, going out for movies or dinner as a twosome, or even a friends-with-benefits / casual sex type of relationships. If you were doing such things, and one of you fell in love seriously, where as the other person doesn't want to get serious, put a complete stop to all the 'couple stuff'.

It can be very painful to regularly interact, even as just friends or colleagues, with a person who doesn't reciprocate your ardent love. You are constantly reminded of what you love, desire and want, but can't have. It's a torture for the body, heart and soul. It makes moving on and healing very tough. It comes in the way of getting a proper perspective on things. Don't let yourself go through that torture. End the interactions.


Don't stalk or obsess


Being in love means being constantly concerned and interested about everything going on with the person you love. This comes very close to stalking and obsessing. Stalking isn't restricted to just physically following someone around everywhere. Physical following is something you should never do with someone who doesn't reciprocate your love. Remember - walk away and keep away! But suppose circumstances don't allow you to totally avoid interacting with the person towards whom you feel one-sided love. Suppose you are classmates or colleagues, and you are unable to change classes or jobs. Then what? If you can't be physically away, at least try not to mentally obsess about the person. I know this is easier said than done. To love someone is to think about that person constantly. But you can certainly avoid obsessive behavior like trying to know everything about them, keeping tabs on what is going on with them, listening to their conversations with others, constantly checking their blogs or social networking pages and updates (Facebook, Orkut, MySpace, etc.), following them online to participate in the discussions and postings they are involved in, etc., etc. These are the types of behavior you can and should avoid. Doing these things won't help you win their love. These things will in fact, push them farther away. And these actions keep you from healing and moving on.


Don't try to share and heal together


It's stupid to think that a person who loves and another person who doesn't return that love can share the hurts caused by this same unreturned love, and can heal together. You may genuinely care for each other. You might even have been good friends in the past. But as things stands now with one person wanting something more than the other person is willing to share or give, there is no way for peace and healing to be experienced together. You can certainly heal, but on your own. Or with some other caring friend or lover. Not with the person you love and who can't love you back. Don't even attempt this because the opposite will occur. The constant reminder of unreturned love will hurt you more. It will cause the other person to feel worse also.


Don't become weak or ill


Whatever you do, for god's sake don't become weak or fall ill - physically or mentally. It is not worth it at all. Not worth spoiling your health over someone who doesn't return your love. It is not fair to yourself. It is not fair to the other person. It also doesn't make you any more attractive or love-able. In fact, by falling ill, becoming weak or going loco, you are totally destroying any little chance there might have been of things working out for you. When the person wasn't attracted to you or didn't love you when you were healthy and happy, what makes you think that falling ill or going crazy makes you any more attractive and love-able. Just get a good strong grip on yourself and concentrate on living a steady, strong life. It's okay if you have to break-down and cry. Just don't stay broken or stay down. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.


Ultimately, that is the gist of everything I have said above: when you are in love and it's not returned, just move on. Move on.

December Lunch

My lunch today was a six-course meal:

1. Slices of green apple, marinated and grilled portabella, grilled eggplant & red pepper, avocado and spinach, wrapped in a spinach tortilla with pepperjack cheese, dijon mustard, oil and vinegar. Lightly toasted.

2. One the side: lentil-potato-carrot salad & Cholula hot sauce.

3. One-third cup of sweetened lemonade mixed with two-thirds cup of unsweetened black iced tea.

4. A blue sky half covered with scattered clouds in all shades of dark, grey and white, and in all shapes and sizes.

5. Warm sun rays caressing my skin from between the clouds. Chilly breeze trying to get under my clothes.

6. Vista of the Northwest metropolitan Valley sprawling below me, with mountains beyond, everything covered by a patchwork quilt of cloud shadows.

To enjoy this lunch using a wall-buttress as a stand-up dining table, on the parking lot's 9th floor rooftop: the perfect beauty of the moment filled my stomach, heart and soul.

National Public Internet

Here's my submission to Google's Project 10 to the 100th. The idea is presented by answering a series of questions (bolded below) from Google.


National Public Internet


What one sentence best describes your idea? (maximum 150 characters)

Internet connectivity as free, as ubiquitous and easy as FM radio.


Describe your idea in more depth. (maximum 300 words)

Internet for Everyone from National Public Internet (NPI).

The future of the Internet is that basic wireless connectivity will be as free (of cost), ubiquitous and easily available as FM radio. This will co-exist with a paid tier of premium Internet service that offers ultra high speed connectivity. But the basic service will be free. Just as FM radio is free and easily available, where as premium video channels on cable cost some money.

The project aims to:

1. Create a non-profit nationwide Internet service provider organization (called NPI), analogous to the non-profit public radio company NPR. It is very important to conceive and run this as a non-profit organization.
2. A nationwide network infrastructure on which to provide the basic free wireless Internet service to everybody.

Why non-profit?

The focus and energies of NPI should be on smoothly running an extremely important and vital nationwide network infrastructure to provide free wireless Internet. The focus should never be distracted or biased by profit-making considerations or for creating shareholder wealth. The organization should be strictly independent of any profit-making corporation. It should also be independent of incumbent profit-making internet service provider companies, including cable and telecoms.

The organizational structure for NPI would be inspired by and based on the NPR model of city-level stations working together to provide nationwide coverage of high quality programming.

Network Infrastructure

NPI should be the preferred model for providing internet service on the White Space spectrum. It should directly connect to the Internet Backbone. It won't be dependent on incumbent telecoms. At the city-level, the main vehicle for the Internet signals could be the ‘white space’ spectrum. At the local block-level, there could be repeater routers deployed, as required.



What problem or issue does your idea address? (maximum 150 words)

1. Inadequate Internet connectivity in general. Extremely poor wireless Internet connectivity in particular.
2. Internet connectivity not managed and provided as a nationwide public resource like roads and highways, accessible and useful to everybody for free.

If your idea were to become a reality, who would benefit the most and how? (maximum 150 words)

1. EVERYBODY in the country would benefit from significantly increased connectivity for learning, information access and communication.
2. Emergency responders and service providers.
3. Model could be replicated in other countries with poor Internet connectivity.

What are the initial steps required to get this idea off the ground? (maximum 150 words)

1. Build a campus-wide or city-wide network as a proof of concept for the specific design and technology to be used by NPI.
2. Design the organizational structure and start building out.

Describe the optimal outcome should your idea be selected and successfully implemented. How would you measure it? (maximum 150 words)

If basic wireless Internet connectivity is available for free and easily to everybody and in every place where FM radio signals are available, this project is a success.

Happening Life!

As we draw close to yet another year, I look back at the past year and have my usual year-end thoughts: "Wow! So many things happened this year!" When I am actually living my life and experiencing things, I don't stop and take notice. I just go through them with an, "it's no big deal" attitude. It's only occasionally that I pause to realize that it is indeed a happening life. Consider the highlights of just the current quarter:

1. Christmas came early for me, at the beginning of this quarter, with a couple of peer recognition awards, an outstanding support award and an appreciation award for implementing a project I led. I also won a couple of prizes in a team game and lucky drawing at work. I pooled in some of those awards, pitched in a little myself and took my team out for lunch.

2. On October 18th, I helped organize the TRAC 1B (PDF link) session here. TRAC is a workshop on Hinduism conducted by Dato' J Jegathesan around the world, to increase awareness of Hindu traditions, religion, aspirations and culture among young Hindus. At the TRAC 1B event in October, Uncle Jega talked about the power of mantras. Also, we gave our first presentation of RHYTHM. RHYTHM stands for Reigniting Hinduism in Youth Through Music. As part of the RHYTHM program, we presented four group songs. During this visit, Uncle Jega and his wife stayed in my house for 5 days, and we had a wonderful time together.

3. Later in October, I finished the first trimester in my MBA program with A's in both courses I took, scoring above 90 in both. God I love the feeling of good academic performance. Has been so long since I last felt it! And, it is so much fun to learn new things... especially when you know that you are learning the very basics, the equivalent of alphabets, of whole new fields. I am soaking it all in with the wonderment of a child.

4. I took a long overdue trip to the East Coast to meet some very dear friends in late Oct - early Nov. I absolutely LOVED spending time with them. I met 3-year-old Sarika for the first time. She is my old college-classmate-cum-close-friend's daughter. She is such a sweet and loving child, and we hit it off from the moment we met. Felt so nice to be around a child who can't stop talking to you, playing with you, touching you and who declares that she loves you within two hours of meeting you for the first time. Poor thing was crying when I had to say bye to them. I never thought I'd say this, but meeting my friends on that trip made me want to move out East. Other highlights of my trip included - enjoying the fabulous Fall colors along I-95 on my drive from NJ to VA, experiencing the vaunted subways of New York City for the first time, and most of all, watching the 2008 US Presidential Election results unfold on big screens in Times Square. It was a real party with free snacks, coffee, tea and water courtesy of the big TV channels, and the crowds cheering wildly every time they showed the numbers, with Barack Obama sweeping state after state.

5. Drunken photos from a college party plastered on Facebook - guess, I can check that off my list of things to experience as a student in America (although I still refuse to sign up for Facebook)! Last month, I participated in the great American college tradition - Beer Olympics. Around 10 teams, each with 5-6 MBA students from all the classes in my college gathered at around 2 PM in the afternoon and started chugging beer. We kept chugging well past midnight, while we indulged in increasingly loud and boisterous drinking games, celebrating each victory with high-fives, group hugs, crazy pictures and even a couple attempts at 3-level human pyramids! Past midnight, after all the games were done, prizes were given and everybody else went home, my dear classmates (who had spent all afternoon screaming the unimaginative-but-very-catchy battle cry of "Here we come bitcheezzz!") were still not done partying. We ended up at a karaoke bar, chugging more beer! By two most people were trashed, except yours truly, who was sober enough to drop off a few people at an apartment. Until last month, I did not even know what beer pong, quarters and flip cup were. Now, I can say that I've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. Yes, my classmates actually got t-shirts made with 'beer olympics' and 'Downtowners' (our classes are held Downtown) printed on them, to the envy of other teams. I wore that t-shirt to the next class, earning a snide remark from the accounting professor.

6. The day after the beer olympics, I was supposed to help a local Sai Center at their event to celebrate Sai Baba's 83rd birthday. I had told them that I'd be there at 6 AM to help load big vessels of food. Needless to say, I was not even awake at 6 AM after having gone to bed well past 3 AM. Incredibly, I did make it by 7:45 AM. I am not a follower of Sai Baba and I don't even belong to any Sai Center or group. But I like volunteering for service activities with the Sai people because they are genuinely nice, especially the head of the Phoenix center and his family, and a few friends from the Tempe-Mesa area. When they have their activities, a whole bunch of people - very young children to older adults - come together and it is a real family atmosphere. Having grown up in a joint family in India and being very family-oriented, I always miss this family atmosphere here in the US. So, I am grateful for any opportunities to do stuff with them. I especially enjoy work that involves food. I had helped a little to prepare some of the food the previous afternoon, before I left for the beer olympics. At the celebration itself, they made me incharge of all the food in the kitchen for close to 300 people! Feels very good to be trusted and accepted like that by people, even though you don't belong to their organization or group. By that afternoon, I was pretty burnt out myself! The highlight of the celebration was the chanting of Rudram with a group of young people. They had learnt Rudram to present it on this occasion, and I got to chant with them. It was simply awesome to witness a group of young people in America chant the centuries-old mantra - the very same words, the very same accents with which they have been chanted for thousands of years, by millions of people, in a land on the other side of the globe. I was so touched and moved, I choked up a couple of times during the chanting. This felt more awesome than the time I chanted Rudram 11 times, with the people at the local Ganesha temple during the Deepavali festival a few weeks earlier.

7. Meanwhile, things are getting real exciting at work. I am getting involved in two projects which will put in some revolutionary technology on the metering side of our business. Although I am not part of the development teams which will implement these technologies, I have been identified to be primarily incharge of the systems when they go into Production. One of the projects will go live this month. I am working closely with the project teams to learn and transition the systems over to the support team. Lot of new things to pick up. High visibility systems to take care of. Exciting times ahead.

8. What other exciting stuff is in store for the 20 more days left this year? I have a mid-term exam coming up next week. And then, Phoenix's very first light rail system will be inaugurated this month. I will be volunteering at the inauguration event - my small attempt to be a small part of the local history. After that, I will be preparing for my trip to India. I will be in India for most of January 2009. I will be seeing for the very first time, my first niece who was born this quarter. I know I am looking forward to that!

Can't believe I just typed out all those details from my life, as if this was a teenage girl's journal! I guess, more than the current post, some of my past dramatic posts would qualify for such a journal.

So, yeah, it's a happening life. Despite my going through most of it with a 'meh' attitude. Life is what happens in those special and precious moments, while all the years whizz past in a one big 'MEH'!

Auras in Love

I was cleaning up my mailbox recently, when I came across an old email sent to me in Aug 2004, by a good friend writing shortly after she got married to her boyfriend of over 2 years. Here's part of the mail:

Things are wonderful being married, the security you feel...that wonderful knowing that you will never be alone is a great feeling. I suppose that this is why married people have that calm peaceful look about them. My aura and Mike's aura truly blend and that's something you want to make certain you look for. A kind of flow that seems so natural that deep down you know it is what it was always meant to be. It's good. Real good. I wish you this kind of peace and happiness and love....

Thanks, C... and I hope your peace, happiness and love will last forever.

9 Days Gayatri for Mumbai

Thousands of friends from around the world are chanting the Gayatri mantra 21 times, every night at 9 PM local time, for 9 days, to bring some peace and healing to Mumbai's victims and their loved ones, after the most recent horrific attacks. We started from Nov 26th, and will continue until Dec 4th. Please join us if you can.

I feel deep horror and anger. Imagine the helpless terror and panic when someone in a crowded train station or hotel simply pulls out a big gun and shoots around indiscriminately. Imagine precious lives being snuffed out in a minute, just like that, wasted, with no explanation or meaning or redemption for the loss. Imagine the frustration of knowing that the country's leaders will do nothing more than "condemn" the attacks. Imagine the despair in knowing that another attack is inevitable, only a few days or months away, and nobody can or will do anything prevent it.

Yeah, that's a LOT of anger and frustration. I am glad I can channel my emotions out in more spiritual and healing ways by joining this prayer. Please, wherever you are, join us in chanting the sacred Gayatri 21 times at 2100 hours, YOUR local time, until Dec 4th. Spread the word.

Gayatri mantra
ॐ भूर्भुवः स्वः ।
तत् सवितुर्वरेण्यं ।
भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि ।
धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् ॥

om bhūr bhuvah svah
tat savitur varenyam
bhargo devasya dhīmahi
dhiyo yo nah pracodayāt

MP3 Audio of Gayatri Mantra.

Fights in Love

No matter what relationship you are in, there is a definite cost to fighting and arguing. This is especially true of love. Each time you argue or fight, you lose a little bit of the capital which was invested in love. Fight often and you risk losing all the capital and your love account going bankrupt! The result is a huge loss and much misery. You could be wounded so deeply that it might turn into a never-ending cycle of hurt, even if the relationship itself ends.

This might seem extremely unfair to many people, but the cost of fighting has to be paid even if the fight was caused by the obvious faults of only one person in the relationship. No matter who is at fault, the cost and loss are incurred by both. After all, the capital of love does not belong to any one person in the relationship.

So, if you are tempted to fight or argue in a loving relationship, especially over small matters, take a moment to reflect on the cost and see if the fight is really worth it. Perhaps, you are better off saving it for another occasion when there are bigger things at stake? It will help to view whatever provoked you in comparison to the bigger picture of your entire life and love.

If you find that you are fighting too often over small things, and are unable to break the pattern, consider taking a temporary break. It might seem like taking a break could damage the relationship, but believe me, the damage caused by frequent fights is bigger. If the faults / provocations are really serious, substantive and frequent, you might want to consider just ending it permanently, rather than staying in a relationship which perpetually teeters on the brink of love bankruptcy.

There are some people who actually think that an occasional fight helps to strengthen the friendship / love. This is not true. Granted that in the beginning stages of the relationship, a fight or an argument might help us realize how much we care for each other, how much we miss each other if the fight momentarily keeps us apart. But note that it merely helps us realize the love that's already there. It does not contribute anything worthwhile to the love though. If fights keep happening over a long time, it will cost for sure. No love is deep enough, no relationship is strong enough to survive prolonged and frequent fights. In fact, more the intensity of love, more the resulting hurt, and greater the damage to the relationship.

Irregardless: Height of Literary Idiocy

The height of literary idiocy is not simply the usage of the non-existent word, irregardless. No. That pinnacle is reserved for idiots who use that word, and if anyone objects, smugly point to the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

It is amazing how many people have come to think that it is an acceptable word for colloquial usage, based on such dictionary entries. As for the genius who entered that word into the M-W dictionary, confirming that "there is such a word", tamely calling it "nonstandard", and not asserting that it is WRONG, that worthy should be banned from ever touching a dictionary in his life, let alone updating one!

At least, Dictionary.com has this usage note:

Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so. (Emphasis mine).

If you are one of those who argue that English is an evolving language and so, if the majority of people use irregardless, it will become part of the language and a real word, try irregularless and disrespectless for size. See if you can figure out juse why irregardless will NEVER, EVER be a correct word no matter how many people use it!

Obama, a president who reads!

This week America did something great for a change (in recent times) : It elected a president who reads! Newspapers, no less! And, who gets technology. And, who actually thinks in terms of teachable moments"!

I had once read about how John F Kennedy's administration was romantic, idealistic and attractive like Camelot - with King Arthur and the knights. Now, I can understand how it must have been. Obama exudes this aura about him which will attract lots of smart people, with a can-do, will-do attitude. More importantly, he gives the impression that his administration will be disciplined, focused and get things done.

I hope I am right. I hope he does well. I hope he never forgets that he has gotten an entire generation of young people to believe again and he has a responsibility to not break that belief. I hope he does not screw up. Actually, at this point, I don't care if he screws up. If I'm to be screwed, I'd rather be screwed by a smart person, a thinking person, someone I can identify with and agree with in some ways at least, someone who is actually attempting to do something good!

shrI gaNeshAya dhImahi

shrI gaNeshAya dhImahi (mp3)



This is my own rendering of the excellent devotional song dedicated to Lord Ganesha, from the movie Viruddh, originally sung by Shankar Mahadevan.

Lyrics here:

gaNanAyakAya gaNadaivatAya gaNAdhyakshAya dhImahi
guNa sharIrAya guNa maNDitAya guNeshAnAya dhImahi
guNAtItAya guNadhIshAya guNa pravishThAya dhImahi

ekadantAya vakratunDAya gaurI tanayAya dhImahi
gajeshAnAya bAlachandrAya shrI gaNeshAya dhImahi

{ekadantAya vakratunDAya gaurI tanayAya dhImahi
gajeshAnAya bAlachandrAya shrI gaNeshAya dhImahi} - chorus

gAnacaturAya gAnaprANAya gAnAntarAtmane
gAnotsukhAya gAnamattAya gAnOtsuka-manase
guru-pUjitAya guru-daivatAya guru-kulastAyine
guru vikramAya guyyha pravarAya gurave guNa-gurave
gurudaitya kalakcchetre guru-dharma sadArAdhyAya
guru-putra paritrAtre guru-pAkhanDa khaNDakAya

gIta-sArAya gIta-tattvAya gIta-gOtrAya dhImahi
gUDha-gulfAya gandha-mattaya gOjaya-pradAya dhImahi
guNAtItAya guNadhIshAya guNa pravishThAya dhImahi

ekadantAya vakratunDAya gaurI tanayAya dhImahi
gajeshAnAya bAlachandrAya shrI gaNeshAya dhImahi

{ekadantAya vakratunDAya gaurI tanayAya dhImahi
gajeshAnAya bAlachandrAya shrI gaNeshAya dhImahi} - chorus

{sarva-rAjAya gandhAya sarva-gAna-shravaNa praNayime} - male chorus
{gADhaya rAgAya granthAya gItAya granthArtha tanmayiye} - female chorus
{gurilE... guNavatE... gaNapatayE...}- chorus

grantha-gItAya grantha-geyAya granthAntar-Atamane
gIta lInAya gItAshrayAya gIta-vAdya paTave
dhEya charitAya gAya-gavarAya gandharvapri-krupe
gAyakAdhina vigrahAya gangAjala pranayavate
gaurI-stanamdhanAya gaurI-hridaya nandanAya
gaura-bhAnU sutAya gaurI gaNeshvarAya

gauri-praNayAya gauri-pravaNAya gaura-bhAvAya dhImahi
ghOsa-hastraya gOvardhanAya gOpa-gOpAya dhImahi
guNAtItAya guNadhIshAya guNa pravishThAya dhImahi

ekadantAya vakratunDAya gaurI tanayAya dhImahi
gajeshAnAya bAlachandrAya shrI gaNeshAya dhImahi

{ekadantAya vakratunDAya gaurI tanayAya dhImahi
gajeshAnAya bAlachandrAya shrI gaNeshAya dhImahi} - lead singer and chorus together

Thou Art Goddess!

Recently, there was a discussion among a few friends about why Rama and Sita are considered an ideal couple in Indian culture and heritage. One Indian friend, who I think is born and brought up here in the US, had something interesting to say. He found it fascinating that Sita addressed her husband Rama as 'Dev', meaning God. Perhaps, he must have read that in a story book or seen it in a movie or TV program based on the popular Ramayana. My friend thought it was very special that they had such a high mutual regard and respect, and that they held one another and their own selves to such high honor.

Being born and brought up in India, I had never given much thought to this manner of addressing between the couples in our ancient stories. After all, I have seen many movies and read countless stories in which the wife addresses her husband as 'Dev' and the husband addresses his wife as 'Devi' (Goddess). So, I had become blind to that. Now, I wish, I hope that when I am eventually married, I can wake up every morning, kiss my wife, look her in the eyes and declare, "Thou art Goddess". I think such a powerful daily affirmation would go a long way in making us and our shared life so much better. And, I would have no choice but to be a matching God.

PS: For those who might think this is just so much empty sentiment, I have an anecdote to share. I once participated in a group ritual, at the beginning of which, the priest and the priestess who were leading the ritual, performed a simple act of affirmation and purification. They made all the attendees pass before them in a line and as each attendee stood before the priest or the priestess, s/he would anoint his/her forehead with cool sacred water, and embrace them with much affection and acceptance while quietly declaring with a whisper, "Thou art God / Goddess". That simple act was so powerful in immediately centering us, making us receptive to and feel worthy of the spirituality of the ritual that was to follow. I was amazed by how effective it was.

360 Shenanigans

At first, the idea of a 360-degree evaluation seemed like the best thing in the world, when compared to the top-down boss-reportee evaluation. It is indeed better than a single track top-down feedback. But a 360-degree evaluation is not easy to administer. The reality is that, most people are not trained to give feedback. Even if trained, most people lack the maturity and perception to give good useful feedback. So, the evaluation for the entire year or half-year, could hinge on the most recent experience or the single worst experience during the evaluation period. The usefulness of the 360-degree evaluation is lost.

A 360-degree evaluation can also be a two-way feedback. It not only says something to the person being evaluated, it also says something to his/her supervisor/boss. It not only reveals something about the person being evaluated, it also reveals something about the people who are evaluating and the system in which they all function. If the ratings for the same person, on the same criteria, given by different people range all the way from 1 to 10 (on a 10-point scale), while touching almost every score-level in-between, what is going on? If two evaluators, give diametrically opposite scores and feedback, for the same person, on the same criteria, what does that mean?

Mediocre = Happy & Content

Humans are extremely social beings. What this means is that those who are closer to the average in smarts, skills, sensitivity are the ones with the highest chances for happiness and contentment in the socialized human life. Success and popularity is pretty much assured if you are slightly better than average. Not too much better. Just enough that you can do better than most average people and the average people can recognize that you are better than them.

If you are too far above the average, your efforts will be sabotaged by a system which tends to favor the average, and your effectiveness will be cramped by the average people who can't find resonance with you. If you are too far above average, you will not be appreciated or recognized simply because your efforts and ideas are beyond the comprehension, understanding and acceptance of the average majority. If you are too far above average, prepare to live a life of compromise (settling for less than best), frustration and daily defeats while you try hard to explain, convince and work with mediocre colleagues, bosses, friends, relatives and acquaintances, stuck in teams and social situations full of average pedestrians. And in the case of really unlucky geniuses - stuck for life with mediocre partners.

There are only a lucky few geniuses who -

• possess the skills to beat the system which is stacked in favor of mediocrity and/or
• whose success is so great that the world simply can't ignore them and/or
• who manage to end up in places where they are surrounded by others of equal or greater evolution and/or
• whose work and interests don't need much social interaction and recognition.

Even these lucky people may not avoid the daily compromises, frustration and defeats.

There must be a large number of 85-to-95 percentile people, who go through life frustrated and less than happy, being forced to live and work with the vast, oppressing majority of 45-to-75 percentile people. And the 76-to-84 percentile people? They are the lucky 'slightly above average' types who have a high chance for success and popularity, happiness and contentment.

We'll never understand women!

From the Marketplace radio program on NPR, the episode dated July 31st, 2008 (emphasis mine):

Professors at Villanova University gathered a group of college-aged women together and showed them ads featuring thin models. Then, as thanks for participating, the women were offered a pack of Oreo cookies. The overwhelming majority said no to the cookies, but they did say they would buy the brands and products that the ads featured.

One researcher said the analysis went something like this: That thin models make women feel bad about themselves, but they like it, and that ads using normal-sized models didn't affect womens' body image, but they didn't like the brands and products that those ads featured either.

This is the reason why us normal men will never understand women. Something makes them feel bad about themselves. So, they like it? They're crazy, man!

I HATE Women

I hate women. The depth of my hatred cannot be matched by any misogynist. It is a passionate hatred which can only be born from the hurt of a Lover.

Dasavathaaram - Movie Review

We watched Kamal Haasan's latest movie, Dasavathaaram (also spelled as Dasavatharam) yesterday. As most people know, Dasavathaaram literally means ten avataras or forms. The movie is so named because Kamal Haasan dons 10 different roles in the movie.

Dasavathaaram's main story-line is about an extremely dangerous biological weapon synthesized in the US by a microbiologist of Indian origin, Govindarajan Ramaswamy. This weapon, contained in a small capsule-sized vial, is coveted by terrorists who send their henchman, an ex-CIA officer named Christian Fletcher to get it. Govindarajan and Fletcher chase each other and the dangerous vial, in a violent and also comic game of cat-and-mouse, across two continents, ending in a dramatic climax. Now, how does this story get mixed up with a sprig-and-stylish US president George Bush, a sharp-witted and bureaucratic Indian intelligence officer Balram Naidu, a Punjabi pop-singer Avtaar Singh, a 95-year-old mentally retarded brahmin widow Krisnaveni, an honest and upright Dalit activist Vincent Poovaraagan, a gigantic simpleton Kalifulla Khan, a martial arts teacher from Japan Shinghen Narahasi, a 12th century staunch Vaishnavite Rangaraja Nambi, the deity of the god Perumal from Chidambaram, a small temple town in Tamilnadu, and also the devastating tsunami which hit South East Asia on Dec 26th, 2004? It wouldn't be much fun if I explained that here. You will have to see the movie to find out the intricate connections between all of these.

Here in the US, the movie ticket price was a whopping $15 plus $1 service charge for online orders. $16 being the highest amount I have ever paid to watch a movie, I was worried about being stuck with another one of those insufferable Indian movies. Fortunately, the movie running for almost 3 hours, turned out to be a non-stop entertainer in the same genre as Michael-Madana-Kama-Rajan, another Kamal movie in which he plays four roles. The story-line involves a series of comic occurences, peppered with witty dialogs and puns galore, several sub-plots that interweave with amazing serendipity, all culminating in an all's-well-that-ends-well climax.

The Dasavathaaram movie page on IMDB.com lists Sujatha as the story-writer and Crazy Mohan as the dialog-writer. The story and the dialogs definitely have the unique stamp of those two gentlemen. Yet, the titles in the movie itself listed Kamal Haasan under "Story-Screenplay-Dialog". Wonder what's up with that! I don't believe that Kamal would cheat Sujatha or Crazy Mohan of credit if it belongs to them. But the story of Dasavathaaram has not been free of controversy.

There are liberal computer effects through-out the movie. Some of them looked very tacky. Wish director K. S. Ravikumar had ensured a better job with computer graphics. Many of the roles played by Kamal are heavily made-up. So heavily that in some scenes the latex-covered faces look more like mannequins than humans. They could have cut down on the heavy make-up without sacrificing the validity of the roles. But then, they could have entirely left out some of the roles, without sacrificing the validity of the movie.

Nevertheless, two of Kamal's roles stand out in the movie. One is that of the fair-and-blond-all-American Christian Fletcher, an ex-CIA bad guy who pervades the movie with Terminator-like single-minded resilience. Unfortunately, this is one of the characters whose face looks like a mannequin in some scenes. Kamal had a great opportunity to show his real acting talent by playing an American with much less make-up. He blew it by opting for a doll-face instead. The other role which really stands out as my favorite role in the movie is that of Balram Naidu, an officer of the Indian intelligence agency, Research & Analysis Wing (RAW). Without too much make up (compared to the other mannequin faces), Kamal has done a great job in this role of the quintessential Indian government officer - bureaucratic, sharp-tongued and cunning, complete with a slight paunch and heavily accented English.

Despite the flaws and the coincidences in the story-line, many of which appear contrived, the movie works as a great entertainer. The story keeps moving along at a steady trot, the dialogs keep you laughing regularly and I thought I got my money's worth. That last part is something I rarely say about a movie.

What did you think of the movie? Do share your thoughts in the comments.

Scott Ritter: Pick your city!

Scott Ritter, who used to be the UN weapons inspector in Iraq, says, "Pick your city". Anybody who thinks the US should bomb Iran must watch this video. Heck, all US citizens should watch this two-and-half minute video.

By the way, Scott Ritter is not referring to an Iranian city!

Wedding Attendance by Proxy!

By now, I am pretty much used to being assigned the photographer's role at various events I attend - company events, events at the local temple, events hosted by friends and colleagues, etc. Today might have been my strangest photography assignment so far.

My neighbor, who is alone in his house right now as his wife is on a visit to India, called me over to take a "family photo". I went over and found him dressed formally in a suit, as if he was attending a wedding reception. I was wondering how this guy expected me to take a family photo, while he is the lone person in the house right now.

Turns out that my neighbor's wife is in India for her brother's wedding. They want to take a full family photo at the wedding and they want the family photo to include my neighbor, who is here in the US. So, the idea is to take a photo of him alone here and email it to the wedding photographers in India. They will then paste him into the family photo they snap at the wedding in India.

I can't wait to see how the results turn out.

This American Life: Prom

This past weekend's episode of the NPR radio program This American Life was about the great American highschool tradition, prom. It was an interesting episode with four acts: about a prom night in a Kansas small town, when it was hit by a deadly tornado; an interview with an author of books for teenagers; a radio documentary-style recording of a prom night of a Chicago highschool; and finally, about prom at a highschool in Racine, Wisconsin which is taking American prom to a whole new level. You can listen to the full episode here.

In Indian highschools, at least in Bangalore where I went to school, we have something called "send-off party" and/or "class socials". "Send-off party" is a farewell party given to the out-going class by their immediate one-year junior class. "Class socials" as I understand it, is a party which the out-going class has exclusively for themselves. In some schools, they have both. In some, they have one or the other. In any case, the parties in Indian highschools are real benign affairs compared to the American prom which sounds like a real high-pressure act.

The prom is supposedly a formal dance party held in the school. Ergo, you need to go to it with a dance partner or risk being merely a second-class participant. That is pressure number 1 - to hook up with a suitable dance partner for the prom. I can imagine the number of proposals for prom dates, rejections and dejections which fly across American highschools from coast to coast during prom season.

But prom night doesn't end with taking a date out to dance in the school auditorium. The more thrilling adventures of traditional prom are what happens during the after-prom - the hours that start right after prom at school upto the early hours of next morning:

1. Doing something cool involving alcohol and/or drugs. How can prom be complete without getting wasted and/or high? That is pressure number 2 for the kids.
2. The final pressure number 3, of course, is to get laid on prom night. I hear and read that many kids these days have had sex well before prom. But that doesn't matter. It is the great American coming of age tradition to get laid on prom night!

I don't know about you, but I think that's a lot of pressure on American teenagers for one night. I'm glad I did not have to go through such an experience... Although I can imagine that for an American highschool kid who manages to have the full prom experience of dancing with the best girl of his choice, getting thoroughly wasted with his friends, and getting laid with his best girl, life must seem perfect. At least for that one night.

Google Me, the movie

Google Me is a documentary by a guy named Jim Killeen from Los Angeles. The movie is about Jim doing a Google search of his full name, and then setting out to meet other people who have that exact same first name and last name. During the course of the movie, he travels to three continents and meets a cop, a swinger, a priest, an engineer, a VP of sales and an Aussie, who all share his first name and last name. You can watch the entire movie on Youtube (also embedded below).

The premise of the movie sounds very simple. In fact, all the Jim Killeens we meet in the movie are the average guys, with nothing very special or great about them. Yet, the movie caught my complete attention and through the entire course of the movie, I kept looking forward to knowing about the life of yet another average guy named Jim Killeen.

Jim Killeen from Los Angeles is a good story tell. His documentary is well-made and entertaining. It is peppered with good humor through out. There were also a few poignant moments in the movie when he asks each Jim Killeen he meets one common question: What is the purpose of human life? It was interesting to see people with different backgrounds give different answers.

Another interesting part of the movie is that they do a DNA test of all the Jim Killeens to see if any of them are related. I won't spoil it for you by giving out the result of the test here. Go ahead and watch the movie when you have a free hour-and-a-half. The entire movie is available on Youtube, and it is worth a watch.

Google-race

So, I coined a new phrase on Sunday: Google-race.

To google-race is to drive to a place faster than the time estimated by the Google Maps directions. You are racing against Google Maps.

Usage examples:

• I was google-racing to the restaurant when I got slapped with a speeding ticket.


• Would you guys get ready soon? I don't want us to google-race to the movies.

Go ahead, use the phrase liberally. Tell everybody about it. But remember, you heard it here first! Now, google-race responsibly.

Total Defeat - 300th Post

This is the 300th published post on this blog. Strictly speaking, this is not really the 300th post. I have one post on 'Addiction' that has been sitting in Drafts for so long. But it is so intensely personal, I have not had the guts to publish it yet. Also, there were a few previously published posts which got deleted. Nevertheless, as things stand now, this is the 300th published post on this blog.

I started blogging about two months after I moved to Phoenix, Arizona. This blog has been a companion through my life since then. It has not been the kind of life I expected at all. It has been intensely tough and trying. I feel like the arid desert has sucked up the love and vitality from my being, leaving it dry and lifeless.

I came to Phoenix in late November 2003 with hopes for a new beginning in life, in love, in my career. When I came here, I had gone through some unhappiness and defeats in life, but I still retained some part of the original happiness and undefeated spirit with which we are all born. Incredibly, I even had some of my original innocence.

The pre-Phoenix unhappiness and defeats were nothing compared to what has happened since then. Now, I have utterly lost it. There is not a single sphere of life in which I feel happiness and contentment, in which I feel I am in control, or at least feel like I am an equal partner with destiny - not in personal life, not in personal relationships, not in my finances, not in my career, and certainly not in love. I am totally tamed, utterly powerless and with no free will to influence any of these aspects of my own life. The loss of spirit is so complete that I don't even know for sure what exactly I want in any of these areas of life!

Is this what they call mid-life crisis?

The state of my life is hard for me to believe. I know it would be unbelievable for anybody who knew me from my previous lifetime. That was a time when I was fiercely independent and strong-willed. I used to live in a kind of special aura or halo which protected me from all the mundane trivialities and hardships of life. I was untouchable and impeccable. I did pretty much what I wanted to do and the Universe had a way of conforming to my will. Eventually, life used to turn out pretty much the way I expected it to go. I got better grades than almost all my friends, got a real job before any of them, travelled abroad before any of them, made more money than them. Success was something that just happened. Love used to be the only thing which did not work like I wanted it to... but I had this blind and total faith that it would eventually work out just right for me.

How did things come to this state? For the most part, I thought I made all the right choices. At every stage, in every circumstance, I did what I thought was the best. But every choice, every action seemed to have totally unexpected and undesirable consequences. All I could do was watch in helpless horror and defeat as each attempt of mine to make things better only resulted in things getting worse. And it all happened so fast. The past four-and-a-half years in Phoenix are a blur. It still feels like I landed here only early last year. Yet, I have stayed here more than double the amount of time I spent in the previous city!

Today, in this early morning hour, I look at each aspect of my life - my personal life, my personal relationships with family, friends, colleagues, my financial situation, my career and my love. And I still shake my head with disbelief. I had never thought that at this point of my life (31.5 years old), I would be in this state or situation, in any of these aspects of my life. I never thought that I would be so simply and totally defeated.

This blog is more about my journey through love, than anything else. So, I'll talk about love. Even at this stage in life, love is as usual the one thing which causes me the most angst and discontent. It is stuck in my throat like a golf ball-sized lump. Can't swallow it, can't spit it out. It chokes my breath and tears my eyes. The utter inability to communicate, to feel, to share, to care, to just BE, together, in unison, in sync for even a single moment is terribly defeating and immensely painful.

Things were simpler and orders of magnitude less painful when my love and defeats were all solitary, one-sided. But the addition of others, their feelings and their angst into the mix multiplies everything exponentially! It is so overwhelming, I am not even able to express it in words... So, I'll just end this here.

Crazy Italian Govt reveals incomes of citizens

Italian governments can be crazy and controversial. Their latest fiasco was to reveal the income levels of all tax paying citizens on a website!

Don't believe me? Check out this Reuters report for yourself: Uproar in Italy after Web publishes earning levels.

Here's an excerpt from the article:

Italians were surprised, and in some cases outraged, on Wednesday to discover their income levels were available for public viewing on an Internet site.

As part of a crack-down on tax evasion, the outgoing centre-left government made public every citizen's declared taxable income on the state's tax website, a decision attacked by consumer groups and some politicians.

Later on Wednesday the Italian Treasury suspended the website after it received a formal complaint from Italy's privacy watchdog.

Incredible!

Curry leaves are banned in the US

Curry leaves are an important ingredient of Indian cooking. For the past couple of months, I had not been finding curry leaves in the stores from where I usually get them here in the US. This was just one more symptom of the world-wide food scarcity. But a curious Google search revealed that this important ingredient has been totally banned from the US because a pest called Asian citrus psyllids was found in a shipment of curry leaves coming into California from Hawaii!

Source: Pest found in curry leaves halts shipments.

Wonder how long we will have to wait until the ban is lifted. Hope it is lifted soon. Many South Indian recipes just don't taste right without curry leaves!

Evolution in Love

If two people claim to love each other much, but they can't make the relationship work, does that mean they are not evolved enough or their love is not evolved enough?

Tax Filing Tips

It is tax filing season again. I have only two tips for the typical tax-payer:

1. File your tax yourself. Use a program like TurboTax Deluxe or H&R Block TaxCut Premium to file yourself.

2. Do not e-file. File your tax returns by paper.


File Yourself

If you are filing taxes as an individual or a married person or a small business owner, you can and should try filing yourself. Professional accountants charge anywhere from 70 bucks to several hundred bucks to do your taxes. There is absolutely no need to waste your money on them. I paid hundreds of dollars to accountants to file my taxes for the past several years. I used TurboTax for the past couple of years and have been amazed at what a breeze it is to do your taxes yourself. I was able to do my taxes in just a couple of hours, one evening. I am never going to use an accountant again, unless I am so super rich, I don't know the value of my wealth myself. The cost of the TurboTax software was little over 35 bucks in Costco. With a $15 rebate coupon that Costco sent me earlier this year, the cost of filing my taxes was well under $24! What a sweet deal! And that included the cost of postage to send my filing papers, which brings us to the next topic...


File by paper. Do not e-file.

E-filing taxes in the US is nothing but a rip-off. Depending on which company you e-file through, expect to spend anywhere from 25 to 35 bucks or more for e-filing. That is disgusting! It should be cheaper to e-file than to file through paper. Read my full rant about e-filing costs in last year's post: Why should e-filing of US taxes cost more? As long as people continue to pay such ridiculously unreasonable amounts for e-filing, companies will keep ripping us off. It is high time all the US taxpayers say a collective 'NO' to paying such high amounts for e-filing. So, don't e-file. File early and send your filing by paper. This year, I mailed my tax papers on 8th Feb. My state refund was available in my bank account on 21st Feb and my federal refund on the 26th.

Happy filing everybody.

Google Agenda is Google Calendar?

Today I got a spam invitation in my Yahoo mailbox, from a Gmail account. The Gmail captcha system was cracked by spammers recently. So, spam mails have started to circulate from Gmail IDs. Anyway, the interesting thing about the spam invite I got was the title 'Google Agenda BETA' at the top. See the screenshot below.



I have normally seen 'Google Calendar BETA' at that spot. Never heard of anything called Google Agenda. And, the text 'Google Agenda BETA' does link to Google Calendar.

So, is Google Calendar also called as Google Agenda? Perhaps in some specific countries? At this time, the URLS agenda.google.com and www.google.com/agenda do not exist.

Vision Quest Tips

About four years ago, a friend asked about tips/advice on undertaking a Vision Quest. This is what I wrote to her:

1. Intent is most important. For a vision quest (as for spellwork), it's the clear intent and focus that will determine the course of the quest and the vision you receive.

2. Clearing and cleaning the space: personal space, surroundings, body, mind, heart and spirit. There are so many different ways of achieving this. Among Native Americans, the sweatlodge ceremony is a very powerful and effective way of cleaning the body, mind, heart and spirit. The ceremony could even be a small vision quest in itself. The purpose of this activity is to make yourself into a suitable vessel/container to receive the vision. Also important to clean and prepare the physical space where you hope to do your quest: casting the circle, creating a medicine wheel are two ways of doing that.

3. Attaining an altered state of consciousness, conducive to receiving the vision. The altered state can be achieved in many ways - non-physical or physical or a combination of both. Non-physical methods include meditation, sleep, dreaming, hypnosis (self or otherwise), etc. Physical methods include physical hardships such as fasting and/or spending solitary time out in the woods, deserts, mountains, etc., power medicines, sweatlodge, etc.

4. Receiving the vision and afterward. It is important to be centered and grounded enough that when the vision comes, you don't break out in a panic or snap out of the trance. It is also important that you are centered and grounded enough that after the trance or vision "has passed", you can assimilate and incorporate it into your system, come safely "back to base" and back to your "normal" lifestyle. Being able to maintain your center and groundedness depends a lot on your preparation and practice prior to the vision quest. Making your system strong and familiarizing your system with mini-visioning rehearsals would help. If you decide to go through physical hardships such as spending time out in the open and/or using power medicines, be sure to have safety nets, companion(s) to support you, backup plan to locate you in the outdoors, administer emergency medical help, etc.

Blessings and best wishes. I hope you find what you want and need, and that which needs you finds you too.

Do NOT Buy from A1wireless & Wirefly

If you are in the market for new cellphones, do not buy from the following websites:

A1Wireless
Wirefly

Both of the above websites are owned by Inphonic Inc, which is now calling itself Simplexity.

If you do a search for Inphonic rebates, you will find that this company is notorious for avoiding the payment of mail-in rebates to its customers. It has even been sued over its bad rebate practices. This was in Nov 2006. In November 2007, the company filed for bankruptcy. But not before it cheated me of $150!

Despite being sued and going bankrupt, the company continues to cheat customers like me out of their rightful rebate money and it continues to remain in business. The laws are not strong enough to protect the customers. When that is the case, the customers should protect themselves. Avoid losing money like I did. Do not buy anything from the two websites run by Inphonic: A1wireless.com and Wirefly.com.

I bought a cell phone from A1wireless.com. They were supposed to pay me $100 and $50 as mail-in rebates. I fullfilled all rebate conditions to the letter. In fact, in early Nov 2007, I was even able to visit their rebate status website and see that my rebate submissions had been checked and approved, and I'd be getting cheques soon. Just a day or two after I checked my status, when I visited the website again, the only thing I could see was a lame message about the company filing for bankruptcy. The message has vague verbiage about some communication going out to customers expecting rebates, but I have received no communication so far. Calling the rebate status phone lines is of no use because they all play the same recorded bankruptcy message similar to the one put up on the rebate site. Calling the sales lines is of no help - you will only get to talk to Indian call center people who pretend to be dumber than donkeys. So far, there has been no cheque or any communication regarding my rebates.

When Inphonic is not fulfilling its mail-in rebate obligations to old customers, how can the company continue to do business, offering similar mail-in rebates to new customers? Like I said before, the law is not protecting the interests of citizens. Don't lose your hard-earned money to these crooks. Do not buy from them. In most cases, you can get the same or similar deals from more reputable sites like Amazon.com Avoid these guys for the frauds they are.

Testosterone & Being a Man

On Saturday, I listened to a fascinating program on NPR radio station about the male hormone testosterone. The piece was an episode of This American Life series produced by Chicago Public Radio.

The segment of the program I found to be most interesting was the experience of Griffin Hansbury, a man who used to be a woman and underwent sex-change. One of the steps in his sex-change process was to get injected with the male hormone testosterone. She - who is now a he - talked about how the increased testosterone levels made her/his view of the world go through a paradigm shift. He describes how much his thought processes when approaching women changed from what they were "before T" to "after T" (his phrases). Griffin used to be a lesbian woman before T, and during those days, when he saw another woman he was attracted to, his mind would go through a whole narrative sequence on how he should approach the woman and get to know her based on her interests and personality. After T, when he saw a woman he felt attracted to, before any coherent thought even had a chance to form, his mind would be flooded with "pronographic images" involving that woman! In other words, he experienced what it is to be a man.

I thought it was very cool that one person could experience sexual attraction as both a woman and a man in one life time. As I listened to his experiences, it hit me that he was able to know what men go through only because of his testosterone treatment, and almost no other woman (except for rare exceptions) will ever know how men really feel about sex, and why we act the way we do.

If just testosterone could cause such a difference in the personality, imagine how much more differences there must be due to all the other things which go into determining our genders. Men and women might belong to the same species as far as biology goes, but in many aspects of psychology, we might as well be totally different animals.

You can listen to the full episode by visiting this page: 220: Testosterone. If you want to listen to just the segment I am commenting about, you may move the slider of the audio player to the 15-min mark and you should be all set.

Five Secrets of Lasting Love as per Kathlyn & Gay Hendricks

While cleaning up emails, found an old forwarded mail about the 'Five Secrets of Lasting Love'. Realized why I had not deleted it soon after I read it: it made a lot of sense. So, here it is, reproduced for your benefit.

Five Secrets of Lasting Love Gay Hendricks, Ph.D. and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., Excerpt from: Lasting Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship (Rodale, Inc., 2004)

Here's the bottom-line truth we discovered from our decades of work with couples in long-term relationships: People can endure long-term relationships in many ways, but they will only thrive if they do five things. In other words, you can grow older with your partner in many ways, but you will only grow closer and more creative through the steady practice of five actions.

We believe these five actions should be taught in every classroom in every school, every day. They most definitely should not be secrets we have to seek or stumble onto by trial and error. Yet they are. Almost none of us begin our love relationships knowing how to do these simple things, and our relationships are disastrous as a consequence.

Let's permanently remove the veil that has covered these secrets and begin a new era of intimacy in close relationships.

The First Secret

If you want a close, vibrant love relationship, you need to become a master of commitment.

We teach couples how to make real commitments to each other. There is an art to commitment, but almost nobody knows how to practice it. The first step of this art is to spot and acknowledge the unconscious commitments that cause us to sabotage the harmony of our close relationships. For example, suppose a politician were to be caught having an adulterous relationship. Imagine how it would change that person's life, as well as the lives of the constituents, if the politician identified and acknowledged his unconscious commitments by saying, "From the evidence, I'm slowly beginning to realize that I'm committed to philandering, sexual betrayal, and lying. I also appear to be committed to getting caught. I'm committed to finding out if people will still like me after they find out I'm a bad boy." In practical reality, the act of claiming ownership of an unconscious commitment changes a troublesome dynamic in a relationship faster than anything else.

The second step of the art of commitment is to make commitments you can stand by. Real commitments can be made only about things you have control over. Real commitments are verifiable. If you make a phony commitment -- such as, "I promise to love you forever" -- you set up an impossible situation by promising an illusion. Nobody can commit to loving someone forever because some days you won't even wake up feeling loving toward yourself. Love is a mystery -- part feeling, part spirit, part mind -- and mysteries by their very nature are outside our control. A real commitment would be to commit to telling your partner the truth about when you're feeling loving and when you're not. This type of commitment saves relationships while turning on the flow of intimacy and creativity.

The Lasting Love program offers a specific set of commitments we've thoroughly tested with many couples. When couples make these commitments, their relationships thrive.

The Second Secret

If you want a long-term relationship that's both close and creatively vital, you have to become emotionally transparent. To go all the way to ultimate closeness and full creative expression, you must eliminate all barriers to speaking and hearing the truth about everything.

We teach couples how to listen to the truth about everything from their partners, and we teach them how to speak the truth about everything to their partners. Everything means everything: feelings, deeds, hopes, dreams. We ask them to consider any hesitation about telling or hearing the unvarnished truth to be a symptom of resistance to greater love and creativity.

We know this move is radical because it produces huge bursts of creative energy in everyone who tries it. As a practice, it has awesome power. As a concept, it quickly polarizes people -- we've seen talk show audiences erupt in cheers and boos when we've said couples need to tell the truth to each other about everything. After twenty-plus years, though, we've still found no exceptions to the truth rule.

The Third Secret

If you want a long-term relationship that's both close and creatively vital, you must break the cycle of blame and criticism -- it's an addiction that saps creative energy as surely as drugs or drink.

We invite couples to turn their relationships into blame-free zones. We teach each partner to take full responsibility for everything that occurs in the relationship, especially if it looks like it's the other person's fault. Radical responsibility -- and the powerful creative energy it unleashes -- comes from catching yourself in the midst of saying, "Why did you do that to me again?" and shifting to, "What am I doing that keeps inviting that behavior?"

We ask couples to go on a strict no-blame diet and stick to it. As a practice, this move liberates tremendous energy. In fact, we've seen life-altering breakthroughs come about when couples simply went one full day without criticizing or blaming each other. As a concept, the idea of giving up blame and criticism is often greeted with derision. "Impossible," some say. "How boring," say others. We have found that it's actually possible and anything but boring. The couple who is deeply addicted to blame and criticism has usually come to mistake the adrenalized drama of conflict for the flow of connection. The idea of life without the adrenalin may seem dull and empty at first, much like a lifelong flagellant must feel that first day without the self-administered whip.

The Fourth Secret

If you want a vibrant long-term relationship -- one in which you feel close as a couple and creative as individuals -- you have to do something radical about your creativity. You have to take your attention away from fixing the other person and put it on expressing your own creativity. Even one hour a week of focusing on your own creativity will produce results. More than that will often produce miracles.

Nothing will sap your vital energy faster than squelching your creativity. Often, couples stifle their individual creativity in order to focus on fixing and changing the other person. Since this seldom produces tangible results, they devote more energy to the other person as a fixer-upper and less to individual creativity. When results are not forthcoming, they complain about the other person to third parties. They enter a dangerous cycle of complaint that has addictive properties -- the more you do it the more things there are to complain about. Ultimately this leads to dissipation of creative energy and inner despair.

By contrast, fully creative people don't have time for complaint. Even if you're not fully engaged in creativity (even, as our research indicates, if you're doing only an hour a week of creative expression), you will see quantum enhancement of vitality within the relationship with every increase in creative self-expression.

The Fifth Secret

If you want to create vital, long-lasting love, you must become a master of verbal and nonverbal appreciation.

We teach couples how to appreciate each other spontaneously and frequently. Although this may sound like a simple thing, it most definitely is not. In fact, it's the last thing we teach in the program because it's the hardest to learn. To utter a clear, heartfelt appreciation to another person is radical partly because it's so rare. To receive such an appreciation from another person is equally challenging. Most of us have never seen or heard a rich flow of spoken appreciations in relationships. In fact, many people cannot recall a single instance of clear appreciation in their families of origin.

The simple solution is to speak a heartfelt ten-second appreciation to the other person, for no reasons other than to signify a commitment to appreciation and to open the flow of appreciation. In other words, the spoken appreciation is not to get a particular result from the other person. In reality, it produces powerful results very quickly, but it is important that the appreciation not be spoken as a manipulation or in expectation of a reward.

We teach couples how to say simple and complex appreciations, ranging from "I like the way you did your hair today" to "Throughout our lives together, I have been repeatedly amazed by how generous you are." Although most couples can learn the art in an hour, they tell us that it takes the better part of a year's daily practice to savor its full value.

These five secrets have a revolutionary effect on any relationship in which they're practiced. The five secrets move people quickly through the stuck places so that they can enjoy the profound beauty of genuine love. We will have a great deal more to show you about these five secrets when we explore them in the chapters to come. First, though, let's go a little deeper, into what we mean by genuine love.

Reprinted from: Lasting Love: The 5 Secrets of Growing a Vital, Conscious Relationship, by Gay Hendricks, Ph.D. and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D. © 2004 by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. Permission granted by Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 18098.

Source: http://www.lifechallenges.org/door/Gay_Hendricks.html

Happy New Year 2008 - Google Hindu Calendar updated

Wishing a very happy, healthy and successful new year to all my readers.

I have updated the Google Hindu Calendar with all the important Hindu festivals and events for 2008. In addition, this calendar includes the year and months from the Hindu calendar, new moon (amAvAsya), full moon (paurNami) and ekAdashi (11th day of the lunar fortnight) information.

If you have a Google account, you can add this Google Hindu Calendar to your personal Google Calendar using this link: Add Google Hindu Calendar.

To simply view the calendar in your web browser using this link: View Google Hindu Calendar.

If you find any errors or issues with the calendar, please leave a comment here.

Once again, best wishes for the new year.